AIBU to just disassociate from DH and concentrate on me and the DCs?

[MrsPenrysJones]

After spending 10 years feeling like not even second best but maybe 5th best, I have decided to just live my life how I want, doing my own thing, making sure DCs are happy and just completely ignoring DH's needs, wants, wishes etc, as he has ignored ours.
AIBU?

Well if he dies that bogeyface then it will become a case of abuse

In which case op, women's aid will be able to help you.

Or could you look for a job op?

I have looked into going back to work, but was never able to afford childcare. DH refused to look after the kids in the evenings or at weekends in order for me to do this. He argued that if I wanted to go to work then I would have to organise (and pay) for the childcare.
He pays for the mortgage (on his house, my name not on deeds), gas, electric etc. I pay for food, petrol to get DS1 to school, all their clothes, shoes, toys, any after school clubs, etc.
So in reality, DH is not really paying for anything that he wouldn't have to pay for if he was single IYSWIM, ie, roof over his head, heating, etc.

Would just like to add that I don't expect nor want him to treat me like a princess. I just want him to treat his DCs better, to actually want to participate in their lives.

So you have to use all tax credits and child benefit for dc's? He pays nothing for you?

It's sounding more and more like financial abuse to me

I would gather relevant documents and talk to a solicitor about your rights if I were you. You would be entitled to a stake in the house (and other assets) even if your name isn't on it, and he would have to pay towards the kids.

He would probably end up spending more time with them too (on contact visits) so they would possibly benefit from it!

Don't waste your time/life with someone like this.

So to clarify...he is an arse and IANBU?

YANBU to think he's an arse, YABU if you believe him that you can't leave.

Save up what you can, alittle here and there and see if you can get the money together for a small rental place - check what you would be entitled too.

Remember, it doesn't matter at all tht his name is on the deeds and not yours if you are married, this house is an asset of the marriage and the DCs need to have a roof over their heads, you would be as likely as him to get it in a divorce, more likely is that you'll be awarded a percentage of it and he'll have to buy you out if you and the DCs have physically left.

I think you need to go and get some proper advice from CAB and a solicitor to find out exactly where you stand.

That's a bit passive, I'd say.