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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to find this a bit rude?

31 replies

Oogaballoo · 02/08/2012 23:03

I genuinely don't know whether I'm being oversensitive here or not. I was made voluntarily redundant a month ago and have received a generous severance package. I'm not searching very hard for jobs at the moment as I have enough to live off for a good while and am enjoying spending the time with my children, plus I want to consider all of my options (retraining and so on) before I jump into anything. I do however feel a little guilty and like I should be doing "more". It's just that one of my friends keeps on making remarks that make me feel a bit

"Well you must have spend at least a grand of it since xxxxx"
"How many jobs did you apply for today then?" despite me explaining the above to her. She then stays really silent while I try and explain again and I end up feeling really small and lazy for not applying to a huge amount of jobs.
"What did you do today, then? Must be nice not having to do anything all day."

These comments are making me really uncomfortable and a little bit angry, but I can't quite put my finger on why. Am I just being silly or is it actually quite rude to make little comments like this on what I'm doing and how I'm spending my money every day. I don't know what to say to her about it. I just want her to stop talking about what I'm doing with my resources. On the other hand, I feel like maybe I'm overreacting and it's just my own sense of insecurity making me feel this way.

I was thinking about it earlier and I realised no one- not my family or my partner or anyone else- mentions these things as much as she does.

AIBU? And if I'm not, what should I say to her?

OP posts:

LadySybildeChocolate · 02/08/2012 23:05

Just say 'yes, and I'm having a lovely time' over and over again. She'll get the hint. She sounds to me though.

JumpingThroughHoops · 02/08/2012 23:06

You want a really good cut dead?

"Talking about money is vulgar"

Don't engage - take your time to collect your thoughts, decide what path you are taking - its bugger all to do with her.

Musomathsci · 02/08/2012 23:08

She's obviously got a problem with your situation, and can't resist having little digs about it. YANBU, and I'd be tempted to call her on it next time she gets going.

peeriebear · 02/08/2012 23:08

Pull her up on it every time.
"You know, you're the only person who questions me about how I'm spending my money. Why on earth are you so interested?"
I would feel the same way as you- very rude of her to be implying you should be doing things differently!

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 02/08/2012 23:09

Maybe she's just taking interest?

But maybe she's ?

I would just reiterate that you're enjoying the summer with your kids while you have the opportunity. You don't have to answer to anyone and you have enough money to live off for a while.

Hard cheese friend

QOD007 · 02/08/2012 23:09

No idea but when I took redundancy 14yrs ago I claimed job seeker allowance of £102 a fortnight and that drove people wild. Colleagues who'd gone straight into job hunting for anything hated it. I took my time, enjoyed my dd and went back to work when it suited

It was non means tested, id worked full time for 16yrs. I was entitled to it.

Gah

LimeLeafLizard · 02/08/2012 23:12

She doesn't sound like a particularly good 'friend'. Is she like this about other things in your life?

I agree she could be jealous, but whether it is that or something else, it is definitely her problem not yours.

You have made a sensible decision on how to deal with your circumstances, don't feel you have to explain yourself to her repeatedly.

I like peerie's reply!

rainydaysarebad · 02/08/2012 23:13

I had a friend who did this to me. Every time she phoned me she would ask me what I'm doing and before I could answer she'd say "nothing, again". It got so annoying and I got angrier and angrier. Then I met her outside nursery one day and she asked me the same question and was about to answer for me, when I snapped and said "why do you always ask me this? I have a 3 year old and a house to lookafter and I worked bloody hard for years and saved up for this". She l

rainydaysarebad · 02/08/2012 23:13

She l

rainydaysarebad · 02/08/2012 23:13

Fucking hell. She l

rainydaysarebad · 02/08/2012 23:14

Ok I give up. Just be blunt with her op.

Sunnydelight · 02/08/2012 23:15

Rude and obviously jealous. I can't think why you still see her tbh - nobody needs "friends" who make them feel bad - but if you want to why not try "you know, it's getting a bit tiresome having to justify myself to you all the time. Your constant comments about how I spend my money are a bit tacky, shall we just agree to avoid it as a subject of conversation".

Alternatively, you could try fuck the fuck off and when you get there fuck off again

Original poster

Oogaballoo · 02/08/2012 23:16

Thanks for the replies. I'm glad it isn't just in my head. The comment about how much I must have spent already really upset me because I'm spending it on bills, not snorting coke in my new Mercedes!

I had thought that she might be jealous, but honestly she's in her dream job on the way up and is really quite successful, so I have no idea why she'd feel jealous. She's pretty much guaranteed going to get a hefty pay rise in a few years time too and will be in much better position than me.

I just feel really sad about it because I hate the idea that someone who has been a good friend in the past would be like this. No, Lime, she isn't like this in other areas at all, that's what's so confusing!

OP posts:

Sossiges · 02/08/2012 23:16

C'mon rainydays what happened?

ninah · 02/08/2012 23:18

lol rainydays I want to know what she said now!

Peeenut · 02/08/2012 23:18

I like Peerie's reply. Pull her up on it with a big smile, "you're the only one who asked me this, we're fine thanks". END

ninah · 02/08/2012 23:19

op yanbu
and don't apologise for your choices either! I'd be tempted to play up my leisure actvities just as a wind up but you're prob nicer than me

Portofino · 02/08/2012 23:20

She is jealous because you are home and it is the school holidays. End of. Just ignore.

bogeyface · 02/08/2012 23:20

Just because she is doing well doesnt mean that she isnt jealous.

She might have the dream job and good money with more on the way, but that doesnt mean she might not resent you having lots of free time and money to enjoy it with.

I would call her on it too, she shouldnt be allowed to get away with it. If she is a good friend she will apologise.

Peeenut · 02/08/2012 23:20

Rainy days we need to know :)

FelicitywasSarca · 02/08/2012 23:25

OP she is either jealous or the type of person who doesn't think people are valid without jobs.

Either way, cut her dead and move on, if she won't, ditch her!

Try, 'how I manage my private finances is not your concern' or 'nosey! How about you tell me how much you have in your bank account?'

lovelydogs · 02/08/2012 23:27

Enjoy your time with your DC :-)

Every time this incredibly rude person asks about your personal finances, ask her a question about hers.

Hyperballad · 02/08/2012 23:29

I would go with the over the top, positive reply like 'yes I'm having a fabulous time, I'm so fortunate to be able to spend this time with the children'

She sounds like a negative person, if you keep the positive replies up she'll soon get fed up and shut up!

Btw, hope she isn't a close friend because she certainly isn't acting like one.

rainydaysarebad · 02/08/2012 23:35

Oh ok, I'll try again!

She looked like someone had pulled the rug from under her feet and she didn't even answer me properly. She made some kind of sheepish sound and then someone opened the nursery door and we went in to collect our children. She never said anything like that to me again. She obviously felt jealous, but I'd worked hard leaving my dd in nursery when she was a baby and suffering mc's whilst continuing to work. She knew my history, yet still made cheap remarks about me sleeping and being on the computer or when I was going to look for another job.

bogeyface · 02/08/2012 23:38

Good for you RAiny

That was worth waiting for!

OP, channel Rainy :)

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