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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave her crying

31 replies

dollywashers · 01/08/2012 20:05

My eldest dd aged 8 is upstairs in her bedroom. She's been in bed for half an hour and I said she could read for a while. Younger dd is in bed trying to sleep. So younger dd shouts down that eldest is in her room. Been up to read riot act and said eldest needs to go to sleep. Cue crying. She's knackered, we have ridiculous behavior every night about going to sleep. They always take minimum 30 minutes.

She's been crying for 10 minutes and I hate leaving them crying but I am so sick of this every bloody night. AIBU to leave her to cry it out. Or am a being a mean Mummy.

OP posts:
MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 01/08/2012 20:07

Just ignore them.
There is nothing wrong with them.
Eventually they will stop crying.

Have a glass of Wine

nokidshere · 01/08/2012 20:09

You obviously feel mean or you would;t be posting in here!

Personally I don't like leaving my children to cry themselves to sleep - I always feel that they go to sleep unhappy and that they wont sleep well. I would go in and calm her down gently then leave her to sleep.

Then I would spend some time trying to work out a bedtime plan that means there is not a huge issue every night. Does she not like going to bed?

Mrsjay · 01/08/2012 20:13

she is * she will be fine she will just play up more if you go to her IMO I had dd who wouldnt sleep at that age and just took the wotsit every night i just left her to it ,

Mrsjay · 01/08/2012 20:14

You could wait until she stops crying then go up to her

vess · 01/08/2012 20:18

It IS a little early for holiday bedtime for an 8 year old... Why don't you put her younger sister to bed first and let the older one stay up a bit later?

Original poster
dollywashers · 01/08/2012 20:22

I know it is a bit early but no matter what time I put them to bed they always take ages to go to sleep. Thing is I know they are exhausted after a really busy day. Things quiet now, fingers crosses ages asleep!

OP posts:
dolallylass · 01/08/2012 20:23

She was I her sisters room and that was naughty. Have a word and tell her you gave her extra time because she's older and you trust her to be responsible. If she's going to be silly then it's early bed with no reading. You are in the right.

gordyslovesheep · 01/08/2012 20:27

I AM currently try to ignore my eldest 2 (9 and 8) who are being silly but if they wake the little one I shall be livid!

SageMist · 01/08/2012 20:29

I've never understood the reasoning behind telling a child to 'go to sleep'. I can't make myself go to sleep, can anyone?
I have always told my kids to stay in bed and rest, and woe betide them if they get out of bed for anything other than an emergency!

CaliforniaLeaving · 01/08/2012 20:31

I used to seperate my boys bedtimes by 30 minutes and it made a huge difference in the older one going to bed without a fuss. They were sharing a room and the younger one would already be asleep in 30 min. I told the older one "you wake him up and you lose the extra time up every night" Seemed to work like a charm for a a long time.

wheredidiputit · 01/08/2012 20:32

I have had this with my 8 yr dd.

For the last 2 nights she been in bed at 6.30 read till 7 then lights off and she slept through until 8.30 in the morning.

I have only done this because she is shattered and needed her slept.

nokidshere · 01/08/2012 20:33

8 year old being responsible? hahaha

Children are more likely to go to sleep though if they are calm so calming them down makes more sense - well to me anyway!

Original poster
dollywashers · 01/08/2012 20:35

Oh she's off again. Asking when I'm going to come up and moaning on. Aargh! Told her I'm watching the swimming and having some grown up time she's crying again.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 01/08/2012 20:38

Ask her why she wants you to go up to her TH she doesnt sound tired I know she is exhausted butnot ready to sleep yet , I used to tell mine they didnt have to sleep right away just it was bedtime,

Original poster
dollywashers · 01/08/2012 20:43

They both would prefer I just stay upstairs when they are in bed. I've probably made life difficult for myself by pandering to this in the past. The thing is even when I stay up they take forever to go to sleep.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 01/08/2012 20:45

I think they are old enough now to be left TBH I used to sleep with dd1 not co sleeping just so she would go to blooming sleep , then when her sister came alone I had to deal with her as well so I then let dd1 read or whatever until lights out, do they have tellys in their rooms ? at the weekend and holidays mine can watch a dvd,

larks35 · 01/08/2012 20:47

My 3.5yo bumped his head after our story and kisses last night. He was really crying and I wanted to be there for him until he had stopped but he actually said, all wobbley like "Can you leave my bedroom now mummy" and I realised that he wouldn't settle and sleep until I had gone. He carried on crying for about a minute after I left.

He woke this morning as right as rain and couldn't remember having bumped his head at all!

OP YANBU, let her have her cry, she'll come down to you if she really needs you.

Original poster
dollywashers · 01/08/2012 20:49

No Tv cos they would keep themselves awake watching that. Thing is if I let them stay up later they are awful by about 4.30 the next day. They are tired. Just fight sleep.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 01/08/2012 20:50

I would go in and shut the dvd or video yes that far back Grin it takes a while and patience, do they ever go to sleep without a carry on is it every night ,

Original poster
dollywashers · 01/08/2012 20:51

Thanks for all the advice. I'm a single parent and so sometimes sit questioning whether I've done the right thing. Helps to get some perspective and to hear I'm not evil mummy for leaving her.

OP posts:
WildWorld2004 · 01/08/2012 20:51

Theres nothing wrong with letting a child cry if theres nothing wrong with them. My dd turns on the waterworks ALL the time thinking if she does this she will get her own way. You would think after 8 years of this not working she would stop it but no.

She is also one who thinks i should go to bed when she does.

Original poster
dollywashers · 01/08/2012 20:52

They've always taken ages to go to sleep. Usually between 30 minutes to an hour. Up to 2 hours.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 01/08/2012 20:52

wildworld one of mine used to say that but mum what could you be doing when i am in bed just go to yours , cheeky mare Grin

scummymummy · 01/08/2012 21:00

Have you tried sending them up separately, as others have suggested? Would younger daughter fall asleep within half an hour or so? I'd try a 7.45 bedtime for younger daughter, 8.15 for older one, maybe.

MindTheElephant · 01/08/2012 21:04

If They are taking that long to go to sleep do you not maybe think that they are not ready to go to sleep?

My DD is still usually out playing at 7.30pm during holidays, she is 9.
She has never had a set bedtime, i let her go to bed when she is tired (within reason)and she will just dissapear and i will find her sound asleep. She is usually sleeping by 10 . she has been doing this since she was 2.

I cant imagine it still being light outside helps though.