i am married(10 yrs) and we have 3 kids (6,9,15) the oldest is from past relationship but real dad has never bothered.we used to have a joint bank account until our property business went bust in 2008 and my DH declared himself bankrupt.As I was a joint director of our company ( but DH made all financial deals and decisions) the huge debts that we had were also mine! DH begged me to go bankrupt but I refused. He constantly tried brow beating me into it saying that I am just prolonging the inevitable as they ( the banks/creditors) will come for me anyway and bankrupt me . I told him I would not go bankrupt and if they do then so be it( not a lot I could do). During his bankruptcy he could only have a basic bank account, and I had my own account. DH went back to work as an IT Consultant ( self employed). We lost our lovely home ( it was in his name only and he signed it as security against development finance) so this was repossessed by one of the creditors. He did this behind my back and I only found out when the s..t hit the fan ! We basically lost everything but are very lucky that he is able to earn a very high income as an IT consultant, which is what he was doing prior to setting up the property company.He has been discharged from bankruptcy ( approx 3 yrs) and has a limited company as an IT consultant. We still live in rented as cant get mortgage due to credit history.
My big problem is that he still has his own separate bank accounts both personal business and various savings accounts, which he opened a number of months ago. I honestly do not know how much he earns every month. He tells me it is around £120k per annum gross but I had a bad feeling he isn't being honest so I had a search through his desk and any paperwork and found some bank statements. From what I saw, basically you can double that figure he tells me ! I told him and he laughed at me and denied he earns more. I have insisted countless times that he gives me complete access at all times to the bank accounts but he just makes excuses. Once after a huge row about it he produced a spread sheet that he had made of In goings and outgoings and expected me to accept that !
He pays me an allowance each month which he puts through as a salary saying I work for his company. Over recent months I have had to ask for him to pay it into my account ( very demeaning ) ans he says he hasn't got any money as he has had to pay this and that and he can only give me so much now and more later in the month. This month I have had the same but I told him no and that I expect it paid in one payment as he had originally agreed. Our youngest are in private school so he said I can have my allowance/housekeeping but he will have to use money he put aside for school fees. I decided that his attempt at emotional blackmail will not work so I said OK.
I asked him why when he earns more than most people he is always pleading poverty ? He tried to blame me! Saying most of HIS money goes to me . I told him that this set up is no good and we should have joint accounts and that we are married and who ever earns it is OUR money and I shouldn't be made to go ask him and go through this all the time. I insisted that evening we sit down and he shows me all off his accounts online and pay statements so I can see what income there is and exactly where the money is going ( I have been through this conversation loads of times before). DH response was ' I haven't got time to do that so no '.
I am at my wits end with it because I can only think he has something to hide. and why does he not want me to see exactly why he earns ? The whole thing stinks and I don't know what to do to be honest.Also we rent a huge house in the country which costs loads to upkeep and is 2k per month rent. I hate living here as he works abroad all week and I get spooked as it is quite isolated. Me and the kids all want to,live in a regular size 4bed house in or near town but he refuses to live where I want and will not budge on it.