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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to give DP's Dad our car for a few months

47 replies

ShadowsCollideWithPeople · 31/07/2012 01:59

DP's Mum called up DP today. Their car has died (engine problem). They want to borrow our car for then next few months (DP has a work vehicle, so we can still get around). Now normally I would say yes, except, DP's Dad has had a few knocks in his own car recently. He needs his eyes tested but will not have them tested. DP's sister phoned DP today, to tell him she was in the car when FIL had a small accident (which MIL knows nothing about). I love DP's Dad, but do not want him driving our car, or any car. How the hell do I handle this? Delicately? As MIL and FIL are prone to emotional freak-outs.

OP posts:

msrantsalot · 31/07/2012 02:15

just say insurance wont cover him, or you need the car for essential errands. Do you have a licence? if not then say he has to make sure insurance is fully comp before he can get it, else you can say you need it.

AdoraBell · 31/07/2012 03:59

You can't afford to add him to your insurance as a second driver, or whatever the terminology is.

Years ago OH enquired about adding his super responsible, never had an accident or been stopped for speeding ever, brother on to his insurance and the premium shot up due to brother's secret loads of speeding fines.

2rebecca · 31/07/2012 08:09

"No we need it, that's why we have 2 cars"
There are hire companies or they use public transport for a while. Cars are expensive to run so letting someone else have yours for a few months (different if a few days) is a very expensive present.
Leave discussing eye tests etc to your husband.

carabos · 31/07/2012 08:14

A few months? A few days maybe, but months? You might as well just give it to them. No.

DowagersHump · 31/07/2012 08:20

Just say sorry, you'd love to help but you need your car (presume it will be a bit of an inconvenience to have only one?)

Unless they live very rurally, taxis/public transport/shopping deliveries will see them through for a few months.

SlipperyNipple · 31/07/2012 08:23

Why are they not fixing theirs or buying another? Months?

twittertotter · 31/07/2012 08:25

Just say no that doesn't work for us!

But seriously if he has eyesight issues and has an accident your insurance will not pay out so at the very least say he has to have an eye test.

You could say you know someone who had a problem with this and don't want to be caught out or say it is a condition of your insurance policy that all named drivers have to have a recent( with 2 yrs?) eye test or policy is invalid.

2rebecca · 31/07/2012 08:25

Also hiring a car isn't that expensive. I've done it when mine has been out of order. They could save up trips for 1 or 2 days a week when they hire a car. If they think hire car cost is expensive then they aren't using it effectively and would be better with taxis and buses.

twittertotter · 31/07/2012 08:27

Oh and why can't they get their car fixed in a week or 2 and get a hire car to cover. Borrowing a car for a few months is excessive and above and beyond your duty !

AKMD · 31/07/2012 08:39

YANBU. Presumably you need your car or you wouldn't have it. And who borrows a car for a few months?! That is not a reasonable ask.

fruitysummer · 31/07/2012 08:40

I'd say no, it's not a for a couple of days is it whilst it's in the garage?
We share cars in our family when this happens but never for longer than 3 days!!

There is of course the insurance aspect that everyone else has mentioned. He'd only be covered 3rd party on his own insurance.

Do you drive yourself?

EndoplasmicReticulum · 31/07/2012 08:49

Why do they want it for a few months? Are they buying a new car, in which case why don't they get a new one now? Or will "a few months" turn into "indefinitely".

If you don't want to give a flat no then an awkward insurance company is the best option.

KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 31/07/2012 08:54

Do people on here have NO concept of "not being able to afford a new car right away"????

I assume OPs in laws can't afford a car for a few months.

However...OP yanbu.

Sunnydelight · 31/07/2012 08:54

YANBU - a few days, fine, but a couple of months is ridiculous. I would try and compromise to avoid a row and offer for a week " while they make other arrangements", then have something on that you HAVE to have the car back for on day 8, no discussion.

I was very grateful to a friend who let me have her car on weekends after I was in a bad crash and my car was being repaired, but I knew I had to hire a car any weekday I was working. She told me clearly " you are welcome to it when I don't need it, but I need it for X". Do the same.

ENormaSnob · 31/07/2012 10:06

It is unreasonable to ask to loan someones car for a few months.

Sallyingforth · 31/07/2012 12:21

It is unreasonable to ask to loan someones car for a few months.

Yes. Simple as.

eurochick · 31/07/2012 12:24

Presumably you have 2 cars for a reason. Let them lease one for a few months.

Pendeen · 31/07/2012 12:45

Unless it's a very rare car an engine repair would not take months.

Very worrying if his eyesight is responsible for such poor driving and the damage.

YANBU.

hiviolet · 31/07/2012 13:08

Asking someone to give you their car for a few months is pretty unreasonable. Because if it's a few months is goes beyond "borrow", doesn't it?

NarkedRaspberry · 31/07/2012 13:15

Months? To someone who refuses to get their eyes tested and has had minor accidents and lied about them/hidden them?

You know the answer.

BackforGood · 31/07/2012 13:43

Agree with others - regardless of the poor / high risk driving, presumably you have a 2nd car as you need it ? Lending someone a car for a wekk, after an unexpected emergency is one thing, but no-one lends cars for months.

Add in the issue that he doesn't sound safe to drive, and it would be a definite 'no', not so much from the damage to the car he's driving, but from what he might do to someone else.

StuntGirl · 31/07/2012 14:08

"No, sorry that doesn't work for us."

Perhaps softening the blow by helping them find alternatives if you think they'll respond particularly badly to an honest response.

HipHopSkipJumpomous · 31/07/2012 14:16

you'll never get it back. Say NO, you use it and you need it.

DON'T go for the insurance excuse - there are companies now they could arrange their own insurance with to cover them using your car.

NarkedRaspberry · 31/07/2012 14:48

That handy phrase, 'I'm terribly sorry but that won't be possible.'

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 31/07/2012 15:29

Do you drive OP?

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