To me furious with DD's headteacher over letter?

[Anaalabama]

This could be long, sorry.

DD2 has just finished reception. She settled in well, no problems all year that I know of, is bright, works hard, bevhaves well in class. Parents evening feed back was all very positive, as was her end of year report, she's doing very well and I couldn't be happier with her.

Her school has one of these 'stars of the week' schemes, one child from each class gets a certificate and pinbadge thing each week, name in the newsletter etc. They also have to go to the headteacher to collect the pinbadge and write their name in the goldbook. There are 30 children in the class and 40 school weeks in the year.

DD2 didn't get a star of the week all year. DD1 has always gotten one every year, 2 in the last 2 years. DD2 is not the only child who hasn't gotten star of the week because the school is quite unusual in that they do NOT give one to every child, it's for good work all week and so the naughty/lazy children don't get one if they don't put in the effort. They do, however, have a seperate reward system for these children, so they are rewarded for behaviour good for them IYSWIM.

To my knowledge DD2 hasn't been put on a seperate system, I've been told her behaviour is excellent and she's working very well academically. I've told her that she's not to worry about it ( she was very upset ) and that the teacher is probably trying to spur on the children who aren't doing as well as her and thinks she is grown up enough to work hard because she wants to, not for a certificate and a pin badge. This cheered her up.

DD2 missed the last 2 days of term because my dad suddenly became ill, we went to visit and he lives abroad. School were very understanding and said they would post end of term letters and whatnot home.

So we got home today to find in amongst the usual letters, a letter from the headteacher telling me that: I am very disappointed and concerned that I haven't had the chance to congratulate your child on their achievement this year or enter their name in the gold book'- because she hasn't been given the star of the week all year. It seems that this is the generic letter sent home to children who haven't behaved/tried hard enough to get the star of the week to tell the parents the school are concerned about their achievement. Apparently we will be getting a meeting in September to discuss DD2 and why she ' is not making the progress expected at this stage'. In the meantime, he suggests I see DD2's report to clarify where the areas of concern lie so I can help her with behaviour etc.

There is NOTHING on DD2's report to suggest her behaviour is poor, nothing in parent-teacher book, she has targets but all academic and she's already working above average at this stage. I don't understand what she's done wrong, I read it and sat down and cried (pregnant and hormonal) .

AIBU to be upset and wondering what DD2 and I are meant to be doing that we're not already?

I would email the Head a copy of your letter (as well as posting) as I'm sure he will pick these up over the holidays even if he isn't in. I'm a teacher too and am disgusted by this. I actually had an argument with a colleague about a similar situation in the staff room before the holidays. She was moaning about having to check who had been rewarded through our system and what could she possibly award X for. My argument was a) how hard is it to keep a sodding list of who you have awarded to ensure all children are because b) in a whole academic year there has to be at least one thing that every child has done which deserves rewarding. Situations like this make me so Every child is special for something and this should be recognised.

Just to add to the other advice, I agree you should write back now. Most heads do go ino school over the holidays so your letter should be received.

Give them hell for this, they deserve it. It is not acceptable to leave a child out like that and it is even less acceptable for the head to not notice if there are concerns with a child until the end of the year. A decent head will know which children s/he needs to worry about and which s/he can leave to the teachers.

Very poor practice on the schools behalf.

Longtallsally's letter is more conciliatory than mine and would be better for harmonious future relationships!

If they are going to operate such a contentious reward system they need to be seen as scrupulously fair.

Longtallsally letter is good - I would just add to the first paragraph that you are confused with the star system.

I love Olympic's letter and I would also copy it to CoG.

That is no system to encourage or celebrate children's achievements.
Whilst it is not acceptable that All Should Have Prizes, there isn't a child in the land that you can't find something about them to publically acknowledge.

I think your HT has some apologising explaining to do.

I would add I would rather write and send Olymics letter -but as she says the other may be better for future relationships over the next few years

I would send a letter like this:

Dear Headteacher
I was most concerned when I read your letter and would welcome the chance to clarify this puzzling situation.

DD2 was, like you, extremely disappointed that she didn't have the chance to come and see you to have her name put in the book. So disappointed in fact that she spent a day crying because she'd been left out.

I've read her report thoroughly, which reiterates the positive feedback we've received verbally at parents' evening. I've enclosed a copy for you so you can highlight the lack of progress and the reason why she was not chosen to receive star of the week.

Please book me an appointment at your earliest convenience.
Anaalabama.

I vote celiaFates letter. It is far more friendlier and invites a solution and feedback.

I think longtallsally's letter is perfect. It certainly puts the ball in their court. And you might as well take the opportunity to have the meeting because it gives you a chance to ask the awkward questions.

longtallsally's letter is perfect!

Thank you everyone for your responses and letter suggestions. I've written a draft, this is what I have so far:

Dear Head,

I was most concerned when I read your letter and would welcome the opportnity to clarify this puzzling situation.

I am also very disappointed and concerned that you have not had the chance to congratulate my daughter on her achievements this year. I am also concerned that such a letter has been issued at the end of term without the opportunity for parents to speak to the school regarding its contents.

As her report and parents evenings this year have made clear, DD2 has been working hard, behaving well and making excellent progress, and like you, she was extremely disappointed and upset that she was not given the change to come and see you for praise.

As I'm sure you can appreciate, for a child in reception to do so well and to be overlooked by the Star of the Week system, this is very difficult to understand, and I look forward to hearing your explanation. Perhaps over the holidays a review of the system is in order, given the apparent inconsistency in its administration, and the potential for upset and hurt caused to children such as my daughter.

If there are concerns which you and your colleagues have with you have not seen fit to raise with me, her mother, during the school year, then I trust I will be given a full explanation as to why this failed to happen. I would have welcomed the opportunity to work with her throughout the year.

I greatly look forward your reply,
Anaalabama

Any advice? I know it's a bit long, is it too long? I do have a tendency to waffle

Sorry, tried to comment on another thread, apparently I did something wrong :S

sounds ok, but I think it has tone of huffyness about it . particularly the end part it could be taken that they may have failed to discuss with you any concerns rather than the failure to be star of the week being an obviouse oversite, IYSWIM.

I would keep it simpler and more in responce to his own letter ie, In have reviwed dds end of year report along with positive feedback at parent and teacher meeting. inviting him to book an appointment with you to discuss.

Ah yes, can you tell I'm rather worked up about this? Trying to grasp Mumsnet on my phone probably isn't helping!

I'll get working on draft 2. TBH the TH is a complete wet weekend, I'm rather looking forward to this promised 'meeting'

If you want to show how worked up you are and that the teacher has failed, then maybe keep that bit in and then you can elaborate at meeting if there are other examples of her messing up.

nothing to add. Others have said it all.

Or you could take the stance

Look Head teach the teachers seem to be doing ok and dc is doing ok - your star pupil award seems to have bombed out so get it sorted or else

regards

disgruntled

OK, draft 2:

Dear Head,

I, also, am very disappointed and concerned that you have not had the chance to congratulate my daughter on her achievements this year. I am also concerned that such a letter has been issued at the end of term without the opportunity for parents to speak to the school regarding its contents.

According to her school report, Ariadne has been working hard, behaving well and making excellent progress, and like you, she was extremely disappointed and upset that she was not given the change to come and see you for praise. Both of us are a little confused; perhaps you could clarify what she needs to do to gain a Star of the Week award next year.

As I'm sure you can appreciate, for a child in reception to do so well and to be overlooked by the Star of the Week system, this is very difficult to understand. Perhaps over the holidays a review of the system is in order, given the potential for upset and hurt caused to children such as my daughter.

I greatly look forward your reply,
Anaalabama

hows this?

Dear Head,

I was surprised and upset on recieving your letter [dated] with regard to the puzzling confusion that has arrisen out of the star of the week situation.

I was concerned at the negative tone of such a generic letter being issued particularly at the end of term without the opportunity for feedback on its contents. DD, like your self, was extremely disappointed and upset that she was unable to recieve praise personaly from you and have her name entered in the golden book.

After reviewing her report along with consideration of all comments by [insert teachers name] through out the year I would appreciate further review of her proggress and acheivemnt along with recomendations of what may be required to ensure she is on track to gain star of the week in future.

As I'm sure you can appreciate, for a child in reception to do so well yet, be overlooked by such a system, is very difficult to comprehend. Perhaps over the holidays a review of the system is in order, given the potential negative sentiment portrayed to children who are hard working and attaining well.

I greatly look forward your reply and further oppertunity to discuss what may have gone wrong in this instance.

yours sinseraly
Anaalabam

My dd had this all through school. It was explained that the star system was used to motivate the children who needed an extra boost and that sometimes they 'forgot' the high achieving, well behaved ones. Did nothing for her self esteem, all she saw was that she was never good enough to merit reward despite being 'top of the class' - so the message was hard work and good behaviour were not worthwhile...

i for one am really puzzled OP, our school does the star of the week thing and they seem to even it out. I know my DD can be a handful yet she has had star of the week as much as the others. In fact i would go so far to say at my school it is meaningless because they all get star of the week. i think your class teacher must have her head up her are not to acknowledge your dd's achievements, but think that maybe the class teacher forgot* to give it to such a good pupil because she mistakenly thought she must have had it a couple of times. In my school it is writer of the week that is the coveted award, because it goes to someone who has genuinely written a good piece of work. I would go with what others have said and make it bloody clear that academic achievements should be rewarded and star of the week should not just go to the ones who have done a bit better than normal, but to the child who is genuinely working hard. Its often the case that the good ones get ignored because they will continue to behave/try hard and the teachers feel they don't need encouragement. That is pants, every child should have her day.

OP, as an ex-teacher I can tell you that the Star-Of-The-Week system is notoriously unfair.

It often ends up rewarding those children who have started out not so well (either from academic or behavioural pov) but who made improvements. Encouraging those children is great, but it doesn't give due recognition to those children whose behaviour/performance is consistently good.

I'm a teacher and made sure I'd put an "always" child in for Star of the Week. As in always working hard, being kind, doing their best etc.

Children who are badly behaved tend to get it first because you're desperate for them to have some motivation and you know their chances of getting it again are slim. Some children do moan the system is unfair, which it is. But I try to explain to them (age appropriately) that they are lucky they're bright and well behaved so school will always be much easier for them.

The line I particularly liked in Longtallsally's letter was:

"If, as your letter suggests, there are concerns which you and your staff have which you have not hitherto raised with us, then I trust that we can discuss why this has not happened - we would have welcomed the opportunity to work with her throughout the year."

It means the school can't win. They either have to admit that they made a mistake and your DD is actually doing very well, in which case she should bloody well have had a star of the week thing, and they ought to apologise for sending out such a snotty letter, or they have to say yes, they do have genuine concerns about your DD, in which case they have to explain why they haven't raised them for a whole year. Game, set and match to the OP.