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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be impressed by my perfect friend?

32 replies

Birdspa · 30/07/2012 12:25

I have a friend who dresses perfectly. She looks like she's stepped out of a magazine. She always looks classy and perfectly turned out. Her house is immaculate too with absolutely NO CLUTTER, everything is laid out beautifully like a show home. I know this is not a natural way to live, but how can I stop myself thinking that's what I should be aspiring to? How can I stop the silly comparisons and just accept that I don't look/live like that?!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 30/07/2012 12:28

I met up with a friend recently who has been working on the war crimes trials in te Hague. I felt uneducated and like a child in comparison!

fruitysummer · 30/07/2012 12:28

And she's probably as miserable as Sin underneath all that perfectness!

DawnOfTheDee · 30/07/2012 12:29

To me living like that would be incredibly stressful. I imagine you'd spend the majority of your day getting yourself ready and maintaining the 'perfect' house. Does she have DC?

Also I feel much more comfortable in 'proper' homes that look like someone actually lives there. Show homey type homes make me feel on edge...I end up perching on the edge of the sofa desperately trying not to spill/wrinkle/dirty anything.

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2012 12:30

How do you come to that conclusion fruity? Confused

OP, you only get one life and that's your life.

Embrace it or change it, but don't pay too much attention to other people's because that would be never ending.

dubbada · 30/07/2012 12:31

firstly no one is perfect,

and why dont you ask her she may have a few tricks of the trade she can share, i know my friends and i swap tips working with each others strengths

dont be intimidated, use her as a resource and reassure yourself in your strengths

Iheartpasties · 30/07/2012 12:31

Oh gosh, I would find all of that stressful, I'm happier to just get out of the house and not worry about my hair etc I'm just glad to get ou with dd and have fun at the park etc.

bakingaddict · 30/07/2012 12:31

Does she have any kids?

If she does then I too will stand and bask in her shadow but if she's childless then I would'nt worry in the slightlest. She can have her show home and model grooming and i'll stick with the kids, slightly fraying mumsy looks and the house that looks like an explosion in a toy factory

squoosh · 30/07/2012 12:32

No one is perfect.

She probably enjoys smelling her own farts.

Shinyshoes1 · 30/07/2012 12:33

I have a friend like this too. She literally floats around her immaculate house with hair all shiny and swishy

Original poster
Birdspa · 30/07/2012 12:34

Yes, she has 2 DCs but you wouldn't know it when you go there. There's not a toy in sight or a book/magazine on the side, nothing. Everything is strategically placed to look beautiful. Dawn that's exactly how I feel - on edge and uncomfortable. When I'm there, I can hardly concentrate on a thing she says because I'm so overwhelmed by the sheer immaculateness of the place!

OP posts:
Pomtastic · 30/07/2012 12:36

No-one can do everything, so I try to think about what people like her DON'T do in order to achieve that.

Eg, maybe sacrifices sleep or relaxing time, doesn't spend much time interacting with their children or shouts at them from the stress of striving for perfection, has a slave in the attic, etc. (all no doubt incorrect assumptions but they help!)

As another example, someone might look at the fact I use cloth nappies & wonder how I find the time, but they mightn't see our jungle of a garden, or realise that our wonderful extended family visit a few times a week & usually do some housework in return for baby cuddles Blush

catus · 30/07/2012 12:36

YANBU to be impressed, she does indeed sound impressive. But I like what Worra said, that you've only got one life, and that yours.
And it is nice to look great and have a tidy house, but surely it's not the most important thing ever?

stainesmassif · 30/07/2012 12:38

I have a friend like that. She is lovely, but suffers with OCD and immaculate tidiness is a compensation for a chaotic childhood.

RobotLover68 · 30/07/2012 12:40

OP I grew up in a house like that, with a mother like that. I can assure you it's nothing to aspire to and if you find it uncomfortable imagine how the children feel. I was that child and and it's a miserable and soulless life. Enjoy your life as it is - nobody can be perfect and who's to say what perfect is?

SomethingSuitablyWitty · 30/07/2012 12:42

My SIL is like this. She has DCs and a full time job and she is a sweet and lovely person, who is very happy, a great mum and also very kind and giving to others. Their house is like a very posh show home. I enjoy going there actually - the same way as I would enjoy a fancy hotel for example. I try not to worry that there's a standard I can't ever possibly aspire to meet - after all, I don't have to. It's not a competition - just everyone trying to do their best. It's partly money too: SIL can pay someone to come very frequently and clean and also puts a lot of money into top quality decoration, clothing, furniture etc. We don't and can't and yet we are still very comfortably off compared to some, so no worries. I also think she has more natural good taste and stronger tendancy to really care about that stuff than I do. Like you and your friend birdspa I do admire SIL, but I don't let it get me down. I don't think you need to somehow knock your friend and her priorities and choices in order for yours to be valid. Horses for courses and all that :)

StealthPolarBear · 30/07/2012 12:43

Maybe its her dh that cleans and tidies

MrsKeithRichards · 30/07/2012 12:43

I too have a friend like that, I aspire to her standards! We rib each other, I don't own am iron, she does to twice a day. But I know her need for perfection steams from bad pnd with her first. It's away now, he girl is 16 but her kids and husband all pull their weight to so although it came about because of a bad thing it isn't now.

DawnOfTheDee · 30/07/2012 12:43

She manages to live like that with two DC.....???? Shock

ViviPru · 30/07/2012 12:44

good post, Something

Original poster
Birdspa · 30/07/2012 12:45

Thanks everyone and somethingsuitably you make a good point. My friend is a lovely, sweet person with it and I definitely don't want to be knocking her at the cost of my own insecurities or comparisons. I know the grass is not greener but sometimes I wish I had greater courage in my own convictions and the way I live my life. How do you all do that?

OP posts:
FutTheShuckUp · 30/07/2012 12:45

'she probably enjoys smelling her own farts'....

Only me happy to admit to this too Grin

Kaluki · 30/07/2012 12:48

My SIL is a bit like this.
But her house never feels like a proper home IYSWIM.
I am always a bit afraid to relax there in case I make it look untidy.
My house isn't immaculate but it is welcoming and homely and mostly clean.

lambethlil · 30/07/2012 12:48

I have a lovely friend like that.

I envied her less after she stayed and I realised she's quite ruthless about chucking out clutter and that her grooming and clothes take up time I couldn't be bothered to dedicate.

I still love her, just don't feel bad anymore!

BlablaSos · 30/07/2012 12:50

I bet there are things about you that she admires and aspires to be.

Original poster
Birdspa · 30/07/2012 12:52

Ah Blabla that is lovely. Thank you.

OP posts:
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