To think that going on holiday just isn't worth it anymore

[MuggledWoman]

Once again, the night before we go on holiday and DS (20 months) is awake and crying. By the time we've got him settled that'll be no more sleep for DH and I. Which means we'll start the holiday tired. DS will sleep appallingly all week, as he generally does when we're away from home and by the end of the holiday we'll just want to be back at home because we're all so knackered. Not sure why we bother going anymore! Anyone else find holidays just aren't that relaxing now that they have DCs? Sitting in bed fuming right now at the prospect of a plane journey tomorrow when we're all exhausted already! Wouldn't mind a one-off but this seems to happen the night before we go away anywhere, even if it's just to one of our parents for the weekend.

Deep breath
I love holidays! I have taken my 4 all over the world, even when they were tiny.
DH has worked in US, China, Japan and Russia. Travelled there on Hols to visit him with 4 young ones. 'twas a real adventure!
Now they are bigger 16 ,14 ,12 ,7
We have Island hopped around Greece, been to Africa & India. We love travel, and save all our pennies for our next adventures. Our best memories with our kids have been in far flung places, doing odd things. Travel light & enjoy the journey

For us (dcs 4 & 6), holidays are still "same old shit, different view" at the moment. It's getting better as they get older but holidays with young children are not exactly a break for the adults involved, are they? Of course it's great when the different view is a really good one, and the weather is nice, and so on; but it's not the same as having just the two of us, getting up when we want, eating when we want, doing what we want. That's a break, a true holiday to me. A pause from the grind of looking after children.

chickydoo,did you take a nanny or another adult helper,au pair etc?

Amillionyears
No? Should I have? We managed Ok?
A nanny never crossed my mind. Kids were all pretty well behaved, slept on long journeys, had a fold up buggy and a big ruck sack

My DC have been away a lot since they were tiny (DS1 is on his third passport!) - not exotic holidays but mobile homes here and in Europe, and a couple of 'big' trips to the USA. I must be one of those relaxed mums referred to up thread, but it's really down to being well organised, packing light and packing the right stuff and picking an appropriate holiday.

People really underestimate how being too tired ruins everything. When you have small children and it has been going on for months and years, the effect is so accumulative that you don't realise it is happening and you try to behave as normal and it can be very disheartening that you can't enjoy things as normal.
I struggled to get DP to understand this, or maybe didn't, maybe I didn't understand it myself, maybe I just didn't have the energy to try to explain and just trailed about like a grey blob, seeing black dots, occasionally having bouts of lavatory sobbing, being asked why I wasn't taking photographs of things (I had no spare energy to move my arms except to feed someone or prevent a death).
What a waste of time. I wish I had put my foot down a bit as it would have been perfectly possible to have just as miserable an expensive time nearer home. (Not that we went very far - 250 miles in a car was too much for me though)

Vezzie that doesn't sound like the fault of a holiday as much as an unhelpful DH. My DH works very hard and is often away, but on holiday he always makes sure I got a lie in occasionally and Siestas, he cooks meals and shares far more equally in the tasks. It is also a rest just to sit in someone else's garden, so when I see a weed I don't feel the need to pull it out, to eat more easy, take away food, and to do less of the every day chores.
I'm not a big one for laze by the pool holidays, but can happily take some time to read while the kids are playing in a playground. I guess a holiday means different things to different people, which is also why it has never appealed to me to go on holiday with someone else.

I think I'm the only one who doesn't find it a problem then.

We've been away 3 times in the UK and twice abroad with ds now age 4 and non of them have been particuarly stressful.

Ds seems to behave exceptionally well on holiday much more so than when at home, I find plane journeys stressful and tiring anyway but no worse with ds perhaps I'm just very lucky.

Just to pick up on what other have said.

When we go abroad we normally get up late ish, go out somewhere for breakfast then head to the beach or pool and spend the day in the sea, building sancastles or splashing about in the pool, ds made a friend last time too and we take it in turns to play with him while the other relaxes. We will usually head out for some lunch at some point or an ice cream, usually find a play park somewhere along the way to stop at or play ball games in the hotel grounds/go for a walk.

By the time we've done all that it's usually time for a quick sleep and get ready for the evening meal so we'll take a stroll and find somewhere nice to eat and on the way back we will stop somewhere for ice cream, crepes or a coffee, last time all of the bars had play areas so ds could have a play while we had some pudding. We always head back for about 9 so ds isn't too tired the next day and then we either sleep early too or can have a drink on the balcony/read/watch tv. Bliss.

I think I am lucky in that ds seems to sleep well anywhere and isn't a fussy eater. What are others doing that is so stressful?

I love holidays and have three DC, one isn't hard work, seriously?? Maybe you need to sort their sleep out longterm so you don't have this issue the night before....

What are others doing that is so stressful?

Do you only have one DC? You only mention a DS. Well I have two, and if I only had my DS, who is 3.8yrs, holidays won't be that stressful as he is a cheery little soul and very adaptable, similar to yours.
But we have a nearly 2yr old DD too, so it is more her that is stressful. She is of that age of being really enquisitive, won't stay still, don't want to go in a buggy, sling, can't sit down in a cafe with her, needs to be looked after constantly during playing in parks etc otherwise might hurt herself etc etc. Can't take eyes off her for a moment, and ofcourse even the 3.8yr old needs to be supervised a lot still, especially in unfamiliar surroundings like on holiday.
That what makes it stressful for me personally.

Last year when DCs were a year younger we were in rural france for a month. It was extremely stressful. Hardly anything to do for kids. Can't walk to a shop, needs to drive anywhere, DD HATES the car and DS threw up a lot in the car (we don't usually have a car - big mistake choosing this holiday, but it is in-laws house, so we didn't have to pay for accomodation). After a few days, they had enough of looking at cows and fields, but there was nothing else to do.
This year, in a couple of days infact, we are going to Berling for 10 days. Very child friendly city and so much for the kids to do there, so hopefully if the weather turns bad we can go to museum or a kinder cafe.

Yes agree with some others, you have to choose your holiday carefully.

Although I will enjoy expriencing Berlin with my DCs, I will not kid myself that it will be a "holiday or a "break" for me, it is definitely just a change of scenery and until the DCs are more self sufficient, they will always be like that.

Choceyes yes I only have one I am lucky he is fairly laid back and as you say adaptable, sleeps well anywhere, seems to actually enjoy travelling, not fussy eater etc.

Anditwasallyellow that's sounds like our days. I can't see what's not to enjoy!

anditwasallyellow, that sounds lovely, but you are at a different time of dc's life from the holiday that had me sobbing, and also, perhaps, have a different budget to go to warm places and eat out all the time.

this is what was happening that was making it so hard:

10 month old having to be physically supervised on hands and knees (cruising on slippy laminate floors and banging head every 2 minutes otherwise; nowhere else to let her loose her except in our cottage because not walking yet and pouring rain; crying of boredom if stuck in pushchair with rain cover)
Only I could bf, only I could drive, so imbalance of responsibility
dd waking up fiendishly early, me trying to put off getting up by taking her into our bed, she pulled my hair really hard constantly for hours on end, while dp snored; I started to wear a beanie in bed but she could still get the edges. No sleep from 5.30 onwards and a very sore scalp
Cooking most of the meals, packing packed lunches
Occasionally eating out and having to sort out high chair and constantly dive into bags for things etc (I was so tired that I really resented this, and I know it is a small thing, but I absolutely HATE it when you go somewhere and ask for a high chair, and they sullenly scrape a filthy one to near your table and walk off, and you have to move one of the normal chairs to get the high chair up to the table, and all the legs get tangled up, and no one helps you, and for some reason you are doing this while having a child under one arm and a bag over your shoulder AAAAAAAARGH! Every time we go somewhere and someone replaces an adult chair with a highchair I tip about 20%)

Oh god I could go on for hours. I won't though. It is much better as they get older, my youngest is now past that stage although not quite not needing a pushchair, and the relief is incredible

We have just had a truly lovely holiday with no DCs. It was heaven

No children at all is always better!

I don't find holidays with a child relaxing. I've also never been a beach/hiking/camping kind of person - give me ancient cities to explore, museums, galleries, and lovely little restaurants, please! Can do quite a bit of that with a breastfeeding baby who'll nap in a sling, but not much at all of it with a toddler who wants to be running, if you don't mind... so we don't really holiday with our 2 year old.

However ee fly back (from the east coast USA to the UK) to see my parents/extended family, have done it when DS was 6 months old and a year old. It was MUCH easier with a babe-in-arms (constant breastfeeding, boring, tiring but not impossible) than with a trying-to-walk-and-easily-bored one year old.

We're doing it again next summer (will have 3 yr old DS and a 6 month old baby), and I hope DS will be easier as he'll be more into the in-flight cartoons, Ipad games, etc. It's tiring being in England because the children have jet lag so naps etc are all over the place, we have jet lag but no way of lying in to make up for it, they wake more in the night, and it's all generally pretty tough on the sleep. Absolutely worth it to see people we love, but tough that just as we all adjust to the timings after 2 weeks away, we come back and have to do it all over again!

We haven't gone on any holidays here, yet. I think a bucket-and-spadey time might well be on the horizon at some point next summer, we have lovely beaches a couple of hours' drive from here. We've done day trips to beaches this spring, but DS wasn't keen at all. Next year he might be more into it. At the moment a trip to the local outdoor swimming pool and a look at the digger up the street are about as much excitement as he needs.

I tell myself that Venice can wait, Rome will still be there when the kids are teenagers who want to visit friends, etc :)

I think vezzie has a good point - I bet it depends on what kind of child you have.

DS is a lovely, cheerful chap but his idea of a good time is singing/whooping at YELLING volume, while running somewhere or climbing something. He won't sit in a high chair for more than 10 minutes (happily he will eat a decent amount in that time) and he lunges towards danger with the happy curiosity of a drunken fresher.

He can drop a held-hand and run towards traffic before you'd credit it (thank heavens for reins), he can and will put dangerous things into his mouth, and at 33lbs he's pretty hard to tuck under your arm and carry away from somewhere while he's in full-on meltdown.... If he's not in our childproofed house or back garden, someone has to keep an eye on him. He's just got masses and masses of energy and cannot, cannot keep it in. None of the things I enjoy on a holiday are compatible with him being anything over than miserable, whereas I have a niece the same age as DS who likes sitting to draw, reading stories, and will potter about at a relatively sedate pace without plunging towards immediate injury or peril.

I think some children are more amenable than others to travel and changes, perhaps?

It really does depend on lots of factors.

Our first holiday was 3 nights in Wales, it was a rundown seaside town and we could barely find a decent chip shop to eat, ds was one and a bit not quite walking. Luckily we had good weather and drove out and found things to do nearby. I remember one very stressful drive back from somewhere ds cried not stop we were feeding him bits of chocolate to keep him quiet. Then he had a hissy in the restaurant and we were feeding him bits of popadom to keep him happy until his food arrived.

We also had 3 very rainy days in Plymouth we walked round model village in our raincoats!

I never went on holiday as a child not even so much as a daytrip to the beach so for me just having a change of scenery is brilliant and I will make the best of whatever's there and never knock it.

Can see why that would be no fun though vezzie.

That's why we didn't holiday anywhere, apart from visiting family, until DS was well over 2.5.

He's 4.5 now and travels like a dream, including several transatlantic flights each year, but it's still a bit of trial and error. We've learned to just go with the flow. You simply canNOT holiday with children the way you did before they came along.

We only started taking DD on holiday with us when she turned 4. She settled immediately and it was all very easy and relaxed. Before this we'd always holidayed without her because of the potential stress. She stayed with Grandma and had a blast!

Thats why we have gone on cruises since DS1 was born, hardly any travelling to go on holiday, no hanging round airports, luggage taken and put in your cabin and no jet lag.

Kids go to kids club when they want to, we have a child free night out every night so everyone's happy.

I have flown long haul with the kids twice and really don't want to do it again TBH, they were fine - its just me!

It is still nice to have a change of scenery, even if the getting everything ready is a lot of hassle. Find cooking on different ovens more than interesting, last year, couldn't even work out how to use it ! Often feel in need of another one on the way back though!

True, it is nice to get away, and now dd1 really appreciates it, and even dd2 can point at things and say "loo!" (look) in an awed way, which is nice.

Oooh. Tell me about cruises. They sound cool.