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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

why do people behave like sheep?

38 replies

vegasislikeblackpool · 30/07/2012 01:13

I've been friends with a group of women for a few years. I had a very very minor disagreement with her recently, well it wasn't a disagreement really, more a difference in opinion. We didn't fall out. Just realised tonight she, and several of the others, that weren't even there at the time when we disagreed, have deleted me on FB. I feel like she's gone running to them and told them all kinds of lies, but they are even worse in a way for believing her and just deleting me without making their own judgement.

I've always got on fine with her, but she is a drama queen and very much the alpha female of the group.

I feel really upset

OP posts:
Original poster
vegasislikeblackpool · 30/07/2012 01:14

very very minor disagreement with one of the women is what I meant to say in the first line

OP posts:
SkipTheLightFanjango · 30/07/2012 01:19

If they are that flaky they are not worthy of your time. You are better than that!

Birdsgottafly · 30/07/2012 01:26

Could the subject matter be significant?

I have ventured into new topics of conversation with friends, to realise that they have opposite views on subjects that have changed my opinion of them.

Original poster
vegasislikeblackpool · 30/07/2012 01:28

I wouldn't have thought so, birdsgottafly. I will probably out myself if I say exactly what it was, but it was over something incredibly trivial and minor.

Even if it was something bigger/more controversial I would still think it odd that others had deleted me on hearsay about what someone else had said my opinions were.

OP posts:
KickTheGuru · 30/07/2012 01:32

I had a group of girls that I grew up with.

We had all left school and we had very different experiences after school. One travelled and has worked internationally, one went to university and very much concentrated on her career and I kind of did both. There were a few outsiders but that was the main crux of it. We eventually realised that we were just too different. After 16 years of friendship, I've walked off from the university career girl and have decided to leave it.

A few of my university mates and I have done the same

I am a bit of a loner and thus a bit...different. But I do believe that sometimes people are in your life for a reason. It does hurt, but then - mostly, people aren't really worth too much hurt that you give you

Birdsgottafly · 30/07/2012 01:32

Well then she is just living to her 'drama queen', status.

SkipTheLightFanjango · 30/07/2012 01:32

Sounds like you have been put at the arse end of a clique. Leave it..it's just not worth the pain!

Original poster
vegasislikeblackpool · 30/07/2012 01:33

Thanks everyone. I'll get over it, not sure whether to ask any of them why they've deleted me or just leave it at that?

OP posts:
KickTheGuru · 30/07/2012 01:35

I would leave it.

Unless you think you can remedy the situation and if the situation is worth the time?

Original poster
vegasislikeblackpool · 30/07/2012 01:36

I don't think they're really worth the time now tbh, I don't think I'd want to go back to being friends with them when they dump me so willingly.

OP posts:
KickTheGuru · 30/07/2012 01:37

No they didn't sound like people who were worth your time

I'm sure you have far better things to get on with and with far better people

SkipTheLightFanjango · 30/07/2012 01:37

Don't ask..sounds needy! They may come bck in time but remember..if they are that quick to judge when they don't have all the facts they are not REAL friends. Call them aquintences and get on with your life.

SkipTheLightFanjango · 30/07/2012 01:38

aquiantances..bugger too much Wine can't spell it...you know what I mean Grin

bogeyface · 30/07/2012 01:39

Just make sure that you tell them where to go when they one by one crawl back to you because she has done the same to them.

"Yes, she is a bitch isnt she? Shame you were so happy to listen to her when she told lies about me. Ah well. See ya!"

Original poster
vegasislikeblackpool · 30/07/2012 01:44

I like the idea of saying that to them, bogeyface

OP posts:
bogeyface · 30/07/2012 01:51

Keep it on standy by vegas Wink

TheShriekingHarpy · 30/07/2012 01:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NagooingForGold · 30/07/2012 01:56

I might suddenly defriend someone is if I found out they held very offensive views or had done something abhorrent. And even then I would tell them off before I did.

What did you do/say op? The subject matter of the disagreement is really important.

If you are not a bigoted idiot then I am really disappointed that grown adults behave in this way. .

Original poster
vegasislikeblackpool · 30/07/2012 02:07

Well at risk of outing myself....

I am a SAHM and she is forever going on at me about how I should get a part time job and how it would do me good. She started saying this again the other day when we met up at a play centre. I said I don't want to at the moment and that I'm happy as I am. She then got quite shirty and said she thought I was making a mistake staying at home for all these years (6 years altogether btw) and how she could never be a SAHM. I wasn't rude to her, or snappy, or defensive or anything else, but she seems to get quite irate if people ever disagree with her opinion, and does tend to offer un-asked for advice.

Anyway, I thought I managed to diffuse the situation by changing the subject, we had a further hour at the centre and all was fine. This was on Thursday.

OP posts:
NagooingForGold · 30/07/2012 02:15

She will have twisted it so you said that sahm's do a better job yada yada? Do all the 'defrienders' work too?

If you can be arsed i'd maybe do a kind of 'I think x got the wrong end of the stick on Thursday' thing to the ones you actually like. Bit defriendung does really piss me off as its so fucking childish and closes down communication. So maybe you'll not want to bother.

TheShriekingHarpy · 30/07/2012 02:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TapirBackRider · 30/07/2012 02:33

You've not bowed to her 'superior wisdom' and she's cutting you off and taking the other 'friends' away as a punishment for not doing as you are told.
Simple as that.

You are so well rid of that nonsense!

KickTheGuru · 30/07/2012 02:37

If circumstances allow, i would love to be s sahm. I think a lot of mums would

aurynne · 30/07/2012 03:00

I am going to be the discordant voice in here... According to your OP, no-one has stopped talking to you or inviting you to meet... they just defriended you on FB. You don't know if this really is a consequence of that conversation with the other friend, and in my opinion it is a bit of a stretch to assume that. Now you are criticising all these women on only that assumption...

Is FB really more important than real life? Is being "defriended" at FB really such a disrespect? I only use FB for my new degree and recently defriended everyone because I realised I didn't need to be "friends" with them in order to post in the group. Now I shiver to think the theories some of them will have devised about "why I defriended them" (read with irony... I really couldn't care less).

If I were you I would just go on meeting them and talking to them as normal. Well not exactly... if I were you I wouldn't even had noticed they had defriended me on FB to start with :P. Imagine all the crap, "likes" and useless statuses and comments you will NOT heave to read from now on! Believe me, your life will be better with fewer FB "friends".

Thumbwitch · 30/07/2012 03:08

FB defriendings can easily be that important, aurynne. A long-term friend of mine suddenly defriended me after I moved overseas; none of the rest of the group of friends we were in did, just her - and she has refused to meet up any time I have come back to the UK. I have absolutely no idea why and although I've put out extremely tentative feelers to a couple of the others in the group as to possible reasons, no one is either able or willing to tell me. I have had to let it go - but every time I go back to the UK and see those friends (without her), it still rankles just that tiny bit.

I'd probably care less if I knew what the reason was.

OP - People behave like sheep around alpha people because they don't want to be the next one "cast out" - it's a bit sad and pathetic of them, and their "defriending" of you is also a bit sad and pathetic but since that's how they are, you can try and accept that you really don't want to be friends with sad and pathetic people anyway and let it go.