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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to DF's hen doo

26 replies

ODearMe · 29/07/2012 20:27

Hello all!

I need your advice. It is a minor thing but I just want to know AIBU before I take action!

A friend I lived with at uni 12 years ago came to my hen doo with another of our mutual uni friends (they are besties) before I was married 2 years ago.

It is now her turn to walk down the aisle and I am invited to her hen doo. The only thing is - it is a long way to go and I will know nobody else apart from the bride-to-be herself. The other mutual uni friend cannot attend the hen doo.

Would I be unreasonable to visit her the eve before her hen doo and take her out for a meal and drinks just the two of us to send her on her way? This will be instead of going to the hen doo, whereby I will probably not get the opportunity to speak to the bride-to-be and feel uncomfortable amongst company who all know each other well.

I know she came to my hen doo but she did have someone there she knew well.

Your comments will be appreciated!

Thanks :)

OP posts:
Original poster
ODearMe · 29/07/2012 20:33

Bump

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/07/2012 20:34

Sounds ok to me

Or could you ask her if you can bring a friend along, if she really really wants you to attend?

raffle · 29/07/2012 20:34

Take a pal

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 29/07/2012 20:34

A few friends came to my hen do that didn't know anyone else, I don't really think it matters whether you know anyone else or not. As long as everyone is making an effort to get on and have a good time for the hen, then theres no real reason why it shouldn't still be a good night.

I think it's nice to make the effort for your friends, especially with one off special ocassions like hen dos.

If you can afford it and not knowing anyone is your only reason not to go, I think YABU.

DawnOfTheDee · 29/07/2012 20:35

I've been on hen do's where i haven't known anyone except the bride. In my experience everyone is very friendly and i've ended up having a great time.

If i were you i'd go along with a positive attitude and muck in with everyone else.

SandStorm · 29/07/2012 20:35

Alternatively just decline the whole thing with thanks. I'm sure she's not expecting a 100% turnout.

SandStorm · 29/07/2012 20:35

(the hen do - not the wedding)

Raspberrysorbet · 29/07/2012 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ODearMe · 29/07/2012 20:36

Thanks very much all - I think you are right, I need to grow up and stop thinking about how I feel. It is all about the bride after all!

OP posts:
Sarcalogos · 29/07/2012 20:36

Depends what type of hen do it is....

Low key, chill out in a house/relaxed activities/party I would go.

Full on drunk feat of nakedness, strippers and debauchery... Not so much.

VBisme · 29/07/2012 20:40

Definitely go, then you'll know more people at the wedding.

Mrsjay · 29/07/2012 20:41

I think i would go taking her out for a meal sounds lovely but she is maybe really busy before her wedding and wants all her friends with her on her night out go bet everybody will be friendly not everybody knows each other on most of these things,

sooperdooper · 29/07/2012 20:43

I think you should go, or ask if you can take along a friend

iloveACK · 29/07/2012 20:51

As was said earlier, if not knowing anyone is your only reason not to go, then I think YABU.

I've been to a few where I haven't known anyone, but if it's a good friend then it's worth making the effort & you know loads more people on the wedding day!

Original poster
ODearMe · 29/07/2012 20:52

Thank you all, I will make the effort and go. I will have a few of these Wine

OP posts:
Original poster
ODearMe · 13/08/2012 10:53

Just to let you all know - I did go to the hen doo and had a superb time! Thanks to all of you for giving me the kick up the rear end Wink

OP posts:
MadgeHarvey · 13/08/2012 11:01

Doo?

MrsKeithRichards · 13/08/2012 11:03

I've been to a couple of hen do's where I've only known the bride and felt awkward as I'm quite shy but both times I had a blast. And it helps for the wedding too, least you'll know some people!

MrsKeithRichards · 13/08/2012 11:04

Really should get to the end before posting!

Original poster
ODearMe · 13/08/2012 11:05

Yes I always call it 'doo'. I know it is 'do' but I like to call it 'dooooo'

OP posts:
hermioneweasley · 13/08/2012 11:06

Take friend - it's not primary school! As a grown up presumably you are capable of talking to people for one night?

Trills · 13/08/2012 11:08

You can't take a friend along to someone's hen do - what a bizarre suggestion!

Glad you had a good time :)

fluffygal · 13/08/2012 11:09

Oh I am glad you made the effort! The majority of my friends didn't bother coming to mine, I was so upset but was told basically to get over it and shouldn't expect your best friends to be able to go to your hen do when they are already shelling out for an outfit to come to your wedding (it was only an evening out locally, not anything expensive). I still feel shit about it now tbh. I am sure your friend really appreciated it.

iloveACK · 13/08/2012 12:39

So glad you went & even better that you had fun. Will make the wedding more fun too Grin

ViviPru · 13/08/2012 12:41

Going on hen dos when you don't know anyone always feels like a massive chore beforehand but IME turns out to make for a much more enjoyable wedding. Glad you went OP.

BTW, you said you had a superb time... what/where was it?