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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why is it assumed that because I have a DD that I'll be 'trying for a boy' next?

39 replies

wheresthepopcorn · 29/07/2012 16:14

Just like any mum with one child, I am always asked when we are having the next one but this assumption keeps being dragged out. Don't know how it would be even possible to 'try' for a boy!

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 29/07/2012 16:21

I think 95% of people are just trying to engage with you. 5% of people are probably wazzocks and I would imagine say silly things about other subjects too. I wouldn't get too excited about it. Or screech 'stop talking about my womb' 2 inches from their faces. They'll never ask again.

WorraLiberty · 29/07/2012 16:22

I'm sure you know what they mean when they say 'trying for a boy'...they mean would you like a boy next?

Spose it's a fairly normal question really.

I have 3 boys and people used to ask if I'd like a DD

It never bothered me.

WorraLiberty · 29/07/2012 16:22

SOH Grin Grin

VolAuVent · 29/07/2012 16:33

YANBU. Oh of course they'll claim to be "just making conversation", but there are so many other things people could choose to say to you instead which aren't so nosy. Why not ask those instead?

Why on earth would anyone have a preference for a boy/girl, and not simply a healthy baby? And if anyone did play along and expressed a "preference" (to get rid of the nosy questionners) then what are the busybodies going to say if the baby turns out to be the "non-preferred" gender? Ask if you're disappointed? Angry

BombasticAghast · 29/07/2012 16:37

I have DT boys. Someone once said to me "oh dear, now you'll have to have another one so you have a girl".
Confused

robino · 29/07/2012 16:55

We live in the Middle East. Try the looks of horror you get round here when people realise that all three of those girls are yours and there is no boy!

It's usually conversational, as long as your DD knows it's nonsense there's no dreadful harm done.

thepeoplesprincess · 29/07/2012 16:59

Dear Lord. It's just making conversation when you don't know what else to talk about. Would you rather they asked about your debt repayments or visible acne?

sweetkitty · 29/07/2012 17:05

Wait until you have 3DDs you get "praying for a boy" "your poor DH" keep going until you get a boy" constantly.

Now I have "the boy" apparently I can stop now as I have my boy. No I'm stopping as I'm knackered and skint!

Creamtea1 · 29/07/2012 18:48

Wait till you have two the same! It's because of the age old blah blah presumption that one of each is the 'perfect' family

Trills · 29/07/2012 18:50

Some people are terribly unimaginative and assume that everyone wants the "ideal" one of each.

MushroomSoup · 29/07/2012 18:54

I got t

MushroomSoup · 29/07/2012 18:57

Oops don't know what I did there!
I got told that must want my DC2 to be a boy, seeing as DC1 was a girl. Then, when DC2 WAS a boy I was told I had the perfect family! So when I got pregnant again, several people were genuinely puzzled as to WHY!

TeamGlaikitBritain · 29/07/2012 19:01

I always find this really rude! They are practically asking about your sex life! I might try the stop talking about my womb/bedroom habits!

When I announced I was pregnant my friends boyfriends dad yelled at the top of his voice "that means you had sex, ooooooooooooooh"Hmm infront of a whole hall of people! I so wanted to say "actually, DH lost his willy in an accident many years ago so we used a sperm donor and a turkey baster" :o

My mum doesn't quite say " when are you having another?" but more, "I think Glaikit will stop at one "

Trills · 29/07/2012 19:02

They don't mean to be rude, they are just making conversation, but unfortunately they are making conversation in a very boring and dull and assumption-filled way.

melonandpapayaandmango · 29/07/2012 19:02

We had a DD and i was desperate for a second DD and got a DS!

whackamole · 29/07/2012 19:04

Wait until you have FOUR the same sex (one DSS, but they are all similar looking so I don't immediately screech out that he is not mine), two of them twins, and are asked the gamut of a) did you have IVF (no, we just had sex) and b) are you disappointed you don't have a girl (er - no, how rude!) and c) are you going to try for a girl next (yes, we will be carefully separating out the girl sperms next time.)

I don't take offence though, most people are just trying to be chatty.

puds11 · 29/07/2012 19:08

Yeah i dont mind people saying that, its once ive told them i dont want anymore, and the spend the next half and hour trying to convince you that you want more and 'have plenty of time to change your mind' (i am young) . That annoys me as i know for certain i dont want anymore, and someone telling me that i will change my mind pee's me off.

poppy283 · 29/07/2012 19:10

I'm pg with dc2 - a boy - and get 'is that itfor you then?' all the time! I do think it's rude and never expected it, i'm one of 3 girls and i'm wondering if my mum had comments about that.

Op yanbu.

RubyFakeNails · 29/07/2012 19:12

Its harmless really, when you have one of each it'll be something else. Its just one of those things people say, its hardly offensive.

I probably say things like that, or ask if they want a boy next mainly because the typical thing is wanting one of each.

I aways had a preference and quite a few people I know do so I think even if you take it as a serious question which I don't think is the intention, its not that left field.

4boyzmum · 29/07/2012 19:16

Being pregnant with DS5 it's an assumption that i'm desperate for a girl. It's more annoying now cos that's a comment that's been made since i had my 3rd DS!! Some people even come out in 'sympathetic' remarks about how i must be disappointed in having another lad! Its a behaviour thats always amazed me really...how rude and personal some people can be with regards to this subject. Like it's a free for all to offer an (unwanted) opinion!

whackamole · 29/07/2012 19:27

4boyz - I've just gone back to work after maternity leave, and every single person bar one was like that, and asked if I was having any more. Only one woman told me how boys are lovely and she would have loved lots of them - she has a boy and a girl.

It does get a bit wearing, but I don't get annoyed, just bored!

snickers251 · 29/07/2012 19:36

I haven't even told anyone im pg again yet and already they keep saying 'all you need now is a dd'

I actually quite like the idea of 2 boys, I think I'd suit the soccer mum look Grin

gamerwidow · 29/07/2012 19:49

It's just one of those annoying and stupid things some people say. I know people don't mean to be rude but it is very personal and not imo an appropriate topic for small talk.
I'm always amazed at the amount of strangers who think it's ok to ask "when are you having the next one?" and then when I say "we're sticking to one thanks" think it's ok to question why not and aren't I worried about DD being an only child etc. I'm never rude in response to this but sometimes I feel like telling them to sod off.
I wish society in general would just accept that some people want one child (or no child) families.

4boyzmum · 29/07/2012 19:49

Yeah, im much more a footy boots mum!! Was never a girly girl myself so can't imagine myself sewing sequins onto fluro pink dance leotards or anything remotely girly!! Tho if i'd had 5 DD's instead who knows! Tho DS3 has quite a thing about all things pink and is obsessed with my make up so who knows....maybe i'll have to learn how to use that needle and cotton after all.......Grin

MummytoKatie · 29/07/2012 19:55

When people ask me about a second child I assume they are interested and so treat them to my muddled, confused, contradictory ramble about the pros and cons. It's great. Free counselling without having to bore my (long suffering) friends again.

People rarely ask me twice. Hmm