To be annoyed with DH's cleaning?

[Lambzig]

OK, I know I am really, but a bit annoyed.

I asked DH to give the shower cubicle a quick scrub with some bleach this morning while he was in it (to clean the grouting and where it has bit of limescale etc). This was at 8am. It is now noon and he is still cleaning it. He has bleached everything, taken it apart, taken the doors off and the seals off, taken the water levers off, limescaled everyting, pulled off all the sealant and is now saying that it needs resealing and new screws and is off to Homebase.

We were supposed to be going out for a walk and for lunch with DD and now its raining and I have been stuck in trying to entertain a fed up toddler for four hours.

I didn't go out earlier as I thought he would finish soon and am not fit to go out to lunch/in public as haven't had a shower yet and can't get in the bathroom.

I know IABU as it will be lovely to have an immaculate shower, but it wasn't the plan!!!

YANBU!

My DH cleans like this - we were doing some housework today, I started upstairs, he started down and we were going to meet in the middle.

I cleaned 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, changed beds, put clean washing away, hoovered, dusted, bleached 2 loos, hoovered the stairs, hallway and made it to the living room, expecting to find him in there. He wasn't. I found him still in the kitchen where he had decided to clean out all the cupboards and drawers and defrost the freezer.

I did the living room and dining room, by which time DH had run out of steam and left the dishwasher unloading/loading, the dirty hob, the sticky floor and I was supposed to be grateful that he'd defrosted the bloody freezer

Drives me mad!

This is why I have never let DH get involved in DIY or anything inside the house. If I had ever suggested he put up a shelf or hang a picture it would be spirit levels checking spirit levels - it would have to be so meticulously perfect it would be worn out before he had finished it.

I have focused him on the outside - we have spotless paintwork, polished ironwork, the cleanest patio for miles and very straight lines on the well weeded and feeded lawn. Everything is clipped to perfection. Keeps him out from under my feet except when he's rearranging bloody bookshelves and if you were to check his chest of drawers you would think he had a valet.

It's because men want to do the tasks they'll get praised for rather than the mundane taken for granted daily grind.

MY DH is also a perfectionist so its mostly done my way ie quickly but if he vacuums he does it thoroughly every item of furniture moved upholstery nozzle on down all cushions etc, flat nozzle around all carvings on skirting board and architraves, long nozzle to do picture rail, turns over rug does underside where crumbs etc have gone under and somehow adhered to underside, vacuums grate and all pieces of metal in fireguard, then will get step ladder to dust top of pictures, it would take all morning to do one room

it is great for spring cleaning but if i cleaned house this way there are not enough hours in day

in one sense it is great in another very very annoying as the look on his face says that it takes me so long because you never do it properly

DH exceptionally good at DIY i shall never need DIY SOS as he can finish it just takes so long, screws need done so all slots line up on the door hinge etc

I like my old house but sometimes restoration repair cleaning to NT historic scotland standards is a bit annoying but then he used to work for these people doing just that

Agree with Margery they want the ooh-ing and aah-ing.

OP you did the right thing by going out to have a lovely time with your DD.

If I was left alone with no children to look after, and was allowed to spend 6 hours on one job, concentrating, it would be a beautiful thing. But no. I have to hold a baby while I cook and wipe round the bathroom while the DC are in it.

It must be lovely to lose yourself in a job and then act like a twatty martyr after you have done it.

sarahtigh, my Dh does the lining up of the crew heads thing. I threatened to go around and mess the whole house up one time, oh the look of horror on his face

Well that´s it-when you do some form of house work every day, you just (imo) want to get it done.

Is it finished yet?

DH does exactly the same thing.

I know IABU as it will be lovely to have an immaculate shower, but it wasn't the plan!!!

Not your plan you mean.

We were supposed to doesn't suggest it's a plan she just made up in her head without consulting him at all, does it? If the toddler's been promised an outing, it's bloody inconsiderate to change the plan without warning and leave the other parent to deal with the fallout, no matter how saintly the activity that you've chosen to occupy yourself with.

This thread reminds me of this from the wonderful Jacky Fleming (scroll down and see 'rubbish' post card!

www.jackyfleming.co.uk/pages/cards08.html

Just go out without them when they do this.

There's too separate issues here.

The cleaning/rebuildign of the shower and not being ready to go out to lunch. Surely he could have left it while you went to lunch and come back to it? or you could have left without him.

However, sounds like he did clean it well, but did the kind of once every 6-12 months clean most people would do rather than just clean the shower.

However a similar clean is my job for this evening and wondered if your husband knew what the bit of plastic that hangs down the side of the metal frame it is called as one of mine is falling off and I need a new one

Just a quick update. He finished at midnight last night.

He deep cleaned the whole bathroom, resealed the granite with three coats, delimescaled everything in sight, replaced all the sealant around the shower doors, sorted out the bathroom cupboards and shelves (which basically involved me having to rescue half my stuff from the dustbin) and then decided he might as well repaint the bathroom, so he repainted the walls and woodwork.

DD couldn't get a bathtime, so went to bed after a quick wash at the kitchen sink. We had no family time at all and I was stuck with the full on childcare of a bored toddler all day who just wanted to play with Daddy. We didnt eat together at all all day.

Apparently, I am not grateful enough and was very lax in offering cups of tea and refreshment to him all day so he is sulking a bit.

Have to admit it does look like its newly installed and is lovely (I did say that to him). I do appreciate his hard work on it, particularly as I am not up to tackling something like that at the moment.

Its just that there are far more urgent things to do before the baby is born such as sort out and redecorate the study so that we can turn it into a play room so that our living space is not a perpetual tip, or redecorate the baby's room, move some shelves and put together a wardrobe that has been sitting there for two months or sort out all the baby stuff in the loft so that we can see if we need to buy anything else. We had agreed that these were priority tasks between us and aren't things I can do by myself.

Oh well, I suppose at least I have a lovely bathroom.

PS Ethelb, I think they are called silicon seals. You can find them on the internet, but I have contacted the manufacturer of the shower before now and they will usually send you a new one. Soaking in bleach cleans them up if they are just dirty.

I think I'd be saying to your dh -

So what?
You didn't do what was required.
You prevented your wife having a shower.
You stopped your child having a bath.
You let your wife look after toddler all day. Which is harder work than you were doing.
Your toddler missed out on family time.
Your wife missed out on family time.
And your wife isn't grateful enough?

Words fail me. Well they don't, but only coz I don't want to swear.

"Its just that there are far more urgent things to do before the baby is born such as sort out and redecorate the study so that we can turn it into a play room so that our living space is not a perpetual tip, or redecorate the baby's room, move some shelves and put together a wardrobe that has been sitting there for two months or sort out all the baby stuff in the loft so that we can see if we need to buy anything else. We had agreed that these were priority tasks between us and aren't things I can do by myself."

Ask him to do those things next weekend and take yourself and DD out to lunch, come back and thank him. Sounds like he needs the glory, which is deeply unreasonable, but can't you just keep him occupied

Does anyone else think men do things like this to get out of spending time with their children?

That's a blunt way of putting it, sorry (and Lambzig, thank you for the update - I would be hitting the roof that the priority AGREED work hadn't been done instead).

Just I know that when I'm a bit tired, say, I find the prospect of doing some sort of task on my own, pretty much whatever it is, more enticing than having to interact with or entertain children, esp if they are demanding for some reason. The time and space to put the radio on, think your own thoughts, enjoy time without someone clinging to your legs - lovely.

I don't think we need to be applauding his 'hard work'. He ducked a full day of childcare to spend time on his own and on a project he had chosen. He's no fool.

Agree, fruitybread.

I agree with fruitybread

My DH often just goes off and does DIY projects child-free, whilst I am expected to do everything I ever need to do with children in tow. Pisses me right off