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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DH's cleaning?

76 replies

Lambzig · 29/07/2012 12:04

OK, I know I am really, but a bit annoyed.

I asked DH to give the shower cubicle a quick scrub with some bleach this morning while he was in it (to clean the grouting and where it has bit of limescale etc). This was at 8am. It is now noon and he is still cleaning it. He has bleached everything, taken it apart, taken the doors off and the seals off, taken the water levers off, limescaled everyting, pulled off all the sealant and is now saying that it needs resealing and new screws and is off to Homebase.

We were supposed to be going out for a walk and for lunch with DD and now its raining and I have been stuck in trying to entertain a fed up toddler for four hours.

I didn't go out earlier as I thought he would finish soon and am not fit to go out to lunch/in public as haven't had a shower yet and can't get in the bathroom.

I know IABU as it will be lovely to have an immaculate shower, but it wasn't the plan!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lambzig · 29/07/2012 13:16

Sadly ClaireDeTamble, I have tried that before, but it never works as he does not notice any jobs need doing until I mention it.

He is now back from homebase and is muttering something about the slate tiles needing resealing. That takes hours to dry.

Off for a pizza with DD and liberal applications of deodorant.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 29/07/2012 13:20

Off for a pizza with DD and liberal applications of deodorant.

good for you Grin

My dh is a the same he takes ordinary everyday cleaning and turns it into a project

Aniseeda · 29/07/2012 13:36

I sympathise, but you know what he's like, so, next time, don't ask him to do anything first thing in the morning - wait till DD is in bed, then you get the telly to yourself while he enjoys himself taking a room apart!

FineAndDandi · 29/07/2012 14:12

are you serious? i can't believe anyone rational would get their knickers in a twist over this....

someone needs to get out more, un-showered or not.

cocolepew · 29/07/2012 14:26

Is that you mr lambzig?

fruitybread · 29/07/2012 14:29

Actually, no, YANBU - and what is it with all of the 'you should be grateful he is doing any housework at all!" comments. Sorry, what year are we in?

I think it's selfish and shortsighted to go so overboard on a task - esp when there was family time to be had that you had agreed with him. Stopping you from taking a shower and leaving you to deal with your DC on your own isn't generous.

I think you should be clear with him when you ask him to do something what you expect him to do' and why. We ALL know there's a difference between a quick spruce up and a deep clean. Tell him you don't want him to do a deep clean without allowing time for it.

I don't think this is a case of 'must do job properly' btw - I think it's a question of not understanding the brief. I know a lot of men are the same with cooking. they'll make a meal, fine - but it takes FOREVER and is far too elaborate and everyone ends up eating 4 hours late. (and then people say, oooh, you should be grateful he's cooking at all!). If the brief for the meal was 'nutritious, filling, quick, and involving nothing so elaborate that you can't take a 60 second break to get a toddler's toy car out of the toilet and get it on the table by 6pm' then they're just being selfish, sorry.

Original poster
Lambzig · 29/07/2012 14:30

Am back and he is still cleaning it! That's six hours now! He is talking about chipping out one of the granite tiles that looks a bit stained and replacing it with one of the spares. Perhaps and evening finish was too optimistic.

FineAndDandi obviously you missed the slight tongue in cheek tone of my posts. I would love to get out more, but DH is too busy cleaning Grin

OP posts:
HeathRobinson · 29/07/2012 14:38

Agree with fruitybread.

Well, it got him out of toddler wrangling today.

patosullivan · 29/07/2012 15:14

Six hours!!!

leguminous · 29/07/2012 15:27

I agree with fruitybread - I mean, whut? Grateful that he's spending some of his time on household tasks that are his shared responsibility? As it happens, H and I do thank each other for doing unpleasant tasks or going above and beyond our usual, um, relaxed style of cleaning - but not if it buggers up plans we'd made as a family for the rest of the day.

I sympathise, having known several people (mostly blokes, it really does have to be said) who can't prioritise to save their lives. If we've got people coming in an hour and downstairs is a tip, don't fucking start reorganising your drill bits by size or mending the unnoticeably broken kitchen blind. The point is to do as god a job as possible in the time available, not start as if we had all day to do a thorough deep clean. You have to set time aside for that sort of thing. Fine if you haven't promised your toddler a treat or planned to share childcare that day, annoying if you have!

CaliforniaLeaving · 29/07/2012 16:56

Grin my Dh cleans the same way, if he does the shower it looks like a new install when he's done. I love it.
He bleaches the grout on our kitchen and dining room floors too. He says I do a token clean of the floors in between his deep cleans, I have no problem with that. If he likes doing it I let him. I do all laundry, Dh doesn't know how to turn on the iron, I also cook.

electricalbanana · 29/07/2012 16:58

is he related to my DH?

I will be upstairs cleaning like a demon and he is supposed to be downstairs doing the same...and hour and a half later i have finished including the hoovering to come downstairs and find him with a drawer out sorting it. A fucking drawer! No cleaning has been done, nothing, nada. And he wonders why! I try to explain drawers can be sorted AFTER the general cleaning has been done. I would like to explain we only have one "bits and pieces" drawer.....but it seems like a magnet, he always gravitates towards it.

i should be grateful i know ....but

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 29/07/2012 17:11

No, YANBU, and I'm aghast at the idea you should just be thrilled he's doing any cleaning. What he's doing may be well intentioned, but it's out of all proportion and it's taking over your day, and he's making an unnecessary production out of it.

I recognise this tendency slightly. Dp does not see the need to wipe the hob after use, but would rather wait until the whole cooker is so shit up that it entails taking the door and all the knobs off and soaking them and pulling it out from the wall.... Just tidy as you bloody go, FFS!

KickTheGuru · 29/07/2012 17:14

I clean the way your DH cleans. I would sell my DH to the East-India Company if he did any kind of cleaning in a more than perfunctory way!

KickTheGuru · 29/07/2012 17:17

I do agree that he has gone OTT though.

My DH would do that and then leave his drill bits and the "cleaning" up afterwards up to me.

He did offer to do the dishes this morning and take the rubbish out. Of course the pots and pans aren't done - they don't count as dishes... :)

wonkylegs · 29/07/2012 17:18

My DH does this which is why when we tidy up for the cleaner he tidies the kitchen in more time than it takes for me to tidy the whole house ( he basically has to load the dishwasher , I get all the kids clothes, toys, bath toys, DH's strewn newspapers & general clutter) it's funny because on weeks he's not here the kitchen takes me 5 mins Hmm
this week he's doing it all as I'm on crutches (I guess the cleaners going to have to Hoover round a lot of stuff)

scummymummy · 29/07/2012 17:22

I would be v peeved. Who cares about having a perfect shower? Certainly not worth sacrificing a whole day of family time for. Reasonably clean is quite good enough. Is he doing it to get out of spending time with the toddler? My toddler is in a difficult phase and I've noticed my partner and I rushing to see who can find a legitimate task to get on with first so that we can leave the other one to look after her!

financialwizard · 29/07/2012 17:30

YANBU my DH is also a fanatic when it comes to cleaning. This weekend we are having a deep clean, but we planned for it and didn't promise the kids anything. Next weekend is family time, so it will be a hoover/polish/wipe down weekend.

fruitybread · 29/07/2012 17:51

I am hooting with laughter at the drill bit re-organisers and the drawer sorters. What is wrong with them??? My father's study needed an almighty cleaning blitz a while ago - it was VILE, knee deep in dust and cat fur and old hankies and things like paperclips he had used to clean out his ear wax (don't ask).

My mother asked him to Make A Start while she went out to the shops - came back an hour later to find he had organised his pen mug and STARTED going through his stationery drawer.

Lambzig, you must come back and let us know how this ends. He's going to have rebuilt the house at this rate.

chinley · 29/07/2012 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charl75 · 29/07/2012 18:31

I'm jealous! Envy

OlivesTorchStreak · 29/07/2012 18:50

That IS my DH!! He has also just sealed our tiles. And he does the vacuum thing too. Useless Dyson has been re-built a number of times.

PorkyandBess · 29/07/2012 18:54

If I clean the shower - it's a quick swish round with a cloth.

DH does the entire dismantle thing, takes about 2 hours. He does it in his pants too, for some reason.

panicnotanymore · 29/07/2012 19:02

I can't see why you have a problem with him doing a really thorough job Confused. Surely it is a good thing.

Nuttyprofessor · 29/07/2012 22:33

Yanbu.

My DH helped with the housework. 4 hours cleaning and sorting the shoe cupboard. During this time I had done the rest of the house and the laundry. It is infuriating.

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