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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that DH's friend invited him on holiday without me...

37 replies

wheredidthesungo · 28/07/2012 18:49

Ok, a bit of background... I have been with DH for 8 years and we've never had an overseas holiday just the two of us, and only had one weekend away in the UK (which was a present from his parents as we didn't have a honeymoon). We have also been to France with his parents twice. I would love to go on a proper holiday just DH and me, but DH has always resisted because he's self-employed freelancer.

A couple of weeks ago, I suggested a weekend away in the UK that would cost £250. DH vetoed this, as I'm 15 weeks pregnant (with a planned, very much wanted baby) and the UK was flooded at the time. I accepted this, as I'm also self-employed and our finances will be stretched having the baby.

DH told me today that he has an opportunity to go to Thailand. I thought that this was with work and my initial reaction was, wow, what a great opportunity for him.

He then said that it wasn't for work, but rather that a childhood friend has invited him to stay with her and her kids and her DH. All he had to do was pay for flight (£1000).

I asked whether I was invited too, and he said no, the invite is just for him. He then showed me her email. As well as not inviting me, DH's friend says that she thought that DH was always against having kids and asks whether he now "under the thumb". DH replied that I hadn't forced him to have a child and that it is very much wanted.

I'm not annoyed at DH for wanting to go to Thailand without me, but I am irritated that he doesn't understand why I think that it is rude / inconsiderate for her to:
(1) invite DH to Thailand knowing that I'm pregnant, and
(2) suggest that I have somehow coerced DH into having children in the first place.

AIBU?

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 28/07/2012 18:53

YANBU.

Leaving aside the rude friend, if you can't afford a £250 holiday in the UK for both of you, he can't afford to spend £1000 on a flight to Thailand.

HildaOgden · 28/07/2012 18:54

'I'm not annoyed at DH for wanting to go to Thailand without me'...eh,I bloody well would be!!!Especially as he has been so resistant to ever going away with you...what a bloody cheek!!

As for her Ladyship,I wouldn't trust her.At best she is a shit-stirrer.Who does that?Deliberately exclude the spouse of a friend on a really big holiday??

Is he going?

HecateHarshPants · 28/07/2012 18:55

bloody hell. I can't believe he's even considering going!

He's not, is he?

If you've got £1000, then the two of you should be going somewhere together!

ENormaSnob · 28/07/2012 18:55

Yadnbu IMO.

What does your dh say?

LindyHemming · 28/07/2012 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AThingInYourLife · 28/07/2012 18:57

YANBU

Catsmamma · 28/07/2012 18:57

where is he getting the money from if he goes?

Original poster
wheredidthesungo · 28/07/2012 18:58

Hilda No, he's not going. He was understandably excited and a bit carried away at first, but he knows that we can't afford it and wouldn't do it if he thought it would upset me. He's a good bloke and I trust him completely - he just doesn't understand why I think she's being a bit out of order.

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 28/07/2012 18:58

I wonder also what this woman's husband thinks. Oh, I want to invite this bloke to stay with us, darling. Yes, he's married, his wife is pregnant. No, not her, just him.

That would get great big Hmm face from me!

Margerykemp · 28/07/2012 18:58

Omg!
He wants to go on a long haul holiday with another woman leaving you barefoot and pregnant at home when you have never been away together?

Oh you've got a rough road ahead having a DC with someone like this.

Ruprekt · 28/07/2012 19:00
Shock

Am glad he decided not to go but she is a piece of work!!!!!

Inyourhippyhat · 28/07/2012 19:01

No, non, nyet, ochi. He should not go. His friend has no appreciation of the situation and in suggesting DH is under the thumb, has encouraged him to show he is not by going without you and spending £1000 you cannot afford. He should grow a pair, put her right and stay here to support you. If there is £1000 in the kitty at a later stage you can have your first family holiday. Good luck with your pregnancy.

Original poster
wheredidthesungo · 28/07/2012 19:01

Margery LOL - don't worry, he's actually a very nice, caring bloke (I wouldn't have married him otherwise). I don't have any worries about our future together. Smile

OP posts:
Kayano · 28/07/2012 19:03

Is he really considering going?! That's a week or two abroad there less spends!

I would be livid

For them to imply that of you and him not directly telling them to shove their offer up their ass I would be livid too!

Original poster
wheredidthesungo · 28/07/2012 19:03

Thanks guys for telling me that IANBU. It's hard to know sometimes.

OP posts:
Sarcalogos · 28/07/2012 19:04

I'm glad he doesn't want to go now he's thought it through.

He doesn't sound like a two headed monster to me, just a kind friend who got a bit carried away.

SHE on the other hand, sounds like a total bitch. And id be thanking my lucky stars she lives a good long way away from you and your family.

Sallyingforth · 28/07/2012 19:05

£1000 will buy you a nice little break together in the UK, before you are restricted by the baby. You've never had such a holiday together before.

If you DH would rather spend that money on a holiday of his own, rather than for the two of you, he is being selfish and thoughtless in the extreme and has no regard for your feelings.

Personally I would tell him that if he goes on that trip he had better find somewhere else to live when he returns.

HildaOgden · 28/07/2012 19:06

Glad to hear he's a decent bloke,I thought he was going to go!!

Don't mind her,it sounds to me like maybe she fancied him,at least slightly,back in the day.She would like to think that she has 'first dibs' on him,if you know what I mean?Well,he has proven that you are the woman for him,and that he's delighted with the baby being on the way too.

Forget her,she isn't worth the headspace :)

Sallyingforth · 28/07/2012 19:06

Cross-posted - I'm so glad he has seen sense!

Original poster
wheredidthesungo · 28/07/2012 19:11

Yeah, he's decent. I think anyone would be excited about an opportunity like that. I'm not annoyed with him.

OP posts:
YouOldSlag · 28/07/2012 19:15

Sounds like your DH did the right thing.

The "friend" is being inappropriate. Sometimes men need these things pointed out to them as they can't read signals.

Dprince · 28/07/2012 19:21

I am glad he is not going. She is a bitch and Tbh I would be surprised (if he had gone) that her dh was either stbxh pr conveniently 'away'.
Who invites a person and not their long term partner. I would be really fucked off that someone was making such judgments about my relationship and then pulled the invite situation.
I wonder if she did it to see of he is under the thumb?

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 28/07/2012 19:26

I'm a bit worried as to why he doesn't understand why this is out of order.

Original poster
wheredidthesungo · 28/07/2012 19:26

This might come across as being naive, but I don't think DH would be friends with her if she was a bitch. I think she is being inconsiderate rather than manipulative.

OP posts:
Original poster
wheredidthesungo · 28/07/2012 19:30

Jamie He gets it now. As YouOldSlag says, sometimes men need these things pointed out.

OP posts: