Ok so I've been dear friends with a great woman for the best part of a decade (so since I was 19/ 20). She's a couple of years older than me but generally I'm the robust 'together one', I have settled relationships, good job etc whereas she lurches from one crisis to another (boyfriend trouble, money trouble etc). We seem to have developed this dynamic that is pretty much all about her, and that's fine I'm in the 'caring professions' so it feels quite natural to drop everything and be there for her when she needs support. My DH thinks I'm bonkers but hey ho, she's my best friend and I care for her deeply.
Anyway a year ago I had some terrible news when I found out my severely learning disabled DSis had developed a serious illness due to negligence on the part of the health professionals. I don't want to say what it was for fear of outing myself but think cancer.. or going blind, something of that gravity. All the evidence suggests my DSis was given a second rate service because of her disability and not really being 'worth' medical intervention - I was understandably devastated and RAGING in equal measure and embarked on a massive fight with the authorities to get her treatment sorted.
DFriend and I live on opposite sides of the country so I told her of the above via an ongoing text correspondance.. and I got no reply.
Two days later.. still no reply
A week later I get a silly, jovial text message from DFriend about something trivial and I thought "ah, she clearly didnt get my message about DSis as she wouldnt have contacted me in such a chirpy manner if she'd known what I am going through"
So I asked her if she'd got the text and she replied with "oh yeah, sorry I didn't reply, I was out with BF at the time, awful news huh?".. and then she carried on wittering about the trivial topic of conversation.
I was SHAKING with anger, I felt her response was indicative of the medical attitudes that had led to my sister being so ill - people thinking she is sub-human, that cancer or whatever isn't as bad if it happens to a LD person because they're not quite as important as the rest of us. I just couldn't believe my DFriend of 10 years could be so insensitive a) to my sister or b) be so disinterested in my feelings despite me having bust a gut on several occasions to be there for her during crises which frankly pale into insignificance against what was happening to my DSis.
So I very clamly had it out with her, told her how let down I was by her response. She tried making some rather lame excuses that were all 'me me me' but before I had chance to respond she rather insightfully recognised what she was doing, stepped back and apologised, she accepted there were no excuses and that this situation was not about her and her difficulties, she accepted she'd been a rubbish friend and said it wouldn't happen again. I felt we'd reached a common ground and was happy to accept her apology and move on.
Other friends told me they thought I was too forgiving and would have dumped her. WIU to forgive her??
The reason I'm asking is because the friendship continued on as normal for a while, lots of dramas and boyfriend trouble for her (so emergency phonecalls, visits, and massive text and email support from me).. but now I've had another crisis (completely out of the blue!) and I'm finding her response somewhat lacking again. Can't help feeling I should have learned my lesson the first time :(
Gosh, I'm sorry this is so long.