Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am not running a sodding daycare?

45 replies

PiousPrat · 27/07/2012 15:00

Ah holiday joy. One week in and the angst begins. I have had a house full off and on all week, anything up to 7 11 and 12 year olds as well as my own 2 and 10 month old DS3 trying to scamper around between the gangly limbs sprawled around. For the most part they are lovely lads, polite and ask for things rather than just taking them and do as they are asked, but there is so many of them I seem to be constantly asking them to move out of the babies way because he is squealing in frustration at being penned in, put their cups in the kitchen and their crisp packets in the bin etc. Not to mention the dirt and grass they trek in with them which needs sweeping before the baby can crawl around, only I have to ask them to move so that I can actually sweep and the noise, even when asked to keep it down it creeps up again so the babies naps are being disturbed and he is getting grumpy.

Today I declared my house a waif and stray free zone and said no one was coming in. The door knocks started and with them came the demands and sob stories. "I biked all the way down here and I have nowhere else to go", "I can't go home, my gran has gone out shopping", "I'm bored at home but don't want to play out".

AIBU to think that isn't my fucking problem and perhaps before you bike 2 miles to someone's house, you ring to see if it is convenient for them that you visit? Or that my house is not an amusement park that you come to when you are bored of your own games console? Or indeed that when you are told you cant come in and the child who lives there doesn't want to come out right now, you don't stand at the end of the drive bouncing a ball waiting for them?

Have I set a precedent by having them in all week so now have to suck it up for the rest of the summer or am I justified in having one day a week as a break? I thought it was perfectly reasonable, if not doormat-ish to have them in and out the other 6 days, but after the 2 mile biker stood on the doorstep demanding reasons why he couldn't come in and telling me I had to let him in as he'd come so far, I am questioning myself a bit. Should I maybe have given them all a warning yesterday? I throw myself upon the mercy of AIBU as I figure you'll tell me if I am being a sap or a bitch Wink

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 27/07/2012 15:02

Yanbu!!

Little chancers!! Grin

Margerykemp · 27/07/2012 15:04

Your house has obviously been earmarked as the party house of the summer.

avivabeaver · 27/07/2012 15:05

you are a sap.

tell your child that once he has spent a day at the other 7 childrens houses, you will host again.

be tough.

did this with sleepovers. yes you can have 4 kids for a sleepover, once you have been to 4 elsewhere,we will consider you having another one.

If you want, once a week is plenty and probably more that any other parent is willing to do.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/07/2012 15:07

Sap. Grin

I kicked 14 year old dd and her mate out earlier so I could go out and water the allotment. I gave her the option of coming to help or to bugger off into town/down the park with the mate.

I got a lot of slapped arse face and tutting Hmm Methinks I will need to have the 'life doesn't entirely stop because it's school holidays' talk later.

I dragged her to the supermarket yesterday (correction: I said she could wait in the car while I went in) - you'd think I'd asked her to raise money my busking Hmm

amck5700 · 27/07/2012 15:11

You are not being unreasonable. I for the most part, like you, don't mind friends coming over and as you say they are all well behaved etc. But, sometimes you want to run your day to your own timetable with your own kids. Try sending yours out first to the other kids houses.....although invariably the other kids are out!! Or, you could just not answer the door!

KenLeeeeeee · 27/07/2012 15:15

YANBU. I seem to have acquired two extra children this week, on top of my own four. They're lovely girls but I can't get a single thing done while they're all racing around, asking for drinks and ice lollies every five minutes.

I need to grow a backbone and tell ds1 & 2 that they can't have their friends over all day, every day.

thebody · 27/07/2012 15:20

Goodness tell them no sorry but no....

Mud and grass in the house,, that would be a deal breaker for me.

You have to be tough..

JumpingThroughHoops · 27/07/2012 15:24

Dives me insane - I have little tolerance for other peoples children - HOWEVER i'd rather they were here than elsewhere - and dont be thinking just be cause they are 12 they aren't streetwise and dabble in things. It's very easy for 12yo's get on the peripherals of a gang and start with the white lightening and smoking dope.

VodkaJelly · 27/07/2012 15:31

I would set limits. Only 1 child in the house for a maximum of an hour, then they leave and either go home or go our with your DC's. Otherwise you will be setting a precedent that yours is an open house and free for anyone to drop in.

EmilieFloge · 27/07/2012 15:34

Oh God I dread this.

I can't understand how people tolerate having a house filled with other people's children...to my mind, my house is for my family, and if the children want one or two friends round, fair enough (not all the time though) but any more than that is just not on.

It isn't that I don't like these kids - it's just I need it to be quiet, I need my own space, and to be able to concentrate and get on with things, and relax, and having other kids around means I can't do that.

I think you were right to draw the line and tbh the kids who are pressuring you to let them in are well out of order Angry

that alone would make me say, no, never again.

holyfishnets · 27/07/2012 15:35

Tell them which day or afternoon they can come and hang out - be it in a couple of weeks time. In the mean time it's his turn to visit others houses. Tell them the noise, numbers and mess is too much for you. Hopefully they will be more considerate next visit.

Original poster
PiousPrat · 27/07/2012 15:45

Sadly I don't think being firm with 2 mile biker boy will make a jot of difference, since DS1 went out to have a kick about with him and biker boy not only insisted on staying right outside, but kept watch through the window to see what I was doing, then when DS1 came in for a snack, asked him to get him one too and ask me why he couldn't come in since I was just sat on the sofa doing nothing Hmm

I don't particularly like the kid anyway as this rudeness is his usual manner (and he is the reason I said they are mostly a nice bunch, the rest are lovely, he is a royal PITA) so I think this will spell the end of him being allowed in at all.

My 2 do go out to other kids houses, although never seemingly at the same time so I never quite get an empty house, but they are certainly all here more often than they are any other house. In fact I think they are all here more often than anywhere else combined! My foot will be firmly put down now I think, since the consensus seems to be that I am not being an utterly miserable cow.

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 27/07/2012 15:58

I would bloody tell him he's not coming in cos he's being bloody rude! I have 4 DCs and regularly have about a dozen kids in the house. Very clear rules - if it's time for housework they join in! I pull them up if I hear or see anything I won't put up with. As a result they are lovely, respectful, tidy and a pleasure to have in the house!!!

MushroomSoup · 27/07/2012 15:59

But if they turned up just expecting to come in and be fed they'd get short thrift so no YANBU!

TheCrackFox · 27/07/2012 16:06

YANBU

I don't mind kids coming round to play but I have a zero tolerance policy for rude fuckers. Have you told your DS what the problem is with this particular friend? He might be able to give him the heads up on developing some manners.

quoteunquote · 27/07/2012 16:07

put a caravan at the bottom of the garden run some power down to it, supply a box of tea bags and a bottle of milk,

It's the perfect way to store teenagers, and know where they are.

Liketochat1 · 27/07/2012 16:15

Yanbu. I think you've done more than enough putting up with a week of it!

pigletmania · 27/07/2012 16:19

Yanbu at all tell em to sod off Grin

Salmotrutta · 27/07/2012 16:21

Sadly I don't think being firm with 2 mile biker boy will make a jot of difference, since DS1 went out to have a kick about with him and biker boy not only insisted on staying right outside, but kept watch through the window to see what I was doing, then when DS1 came in for a snack, asked him to get him one too and ask me why he couldn't come in since I was just sat on the sofa doing nothing

See, for that alone I'd have booted his butt off my property so fast his feet wouldn't have touched the ground. What an utter cheek! Shock

Salmotrutta · 27/07/2012 16:21

Well, not literally booted his butt.

He'd have been damned sorry though ...

Bartusmaeus · 27/07/2012 16:21

YANBU

For me it's the also having a 10 month old to look after! I only have DS (10 months old) and I would hate to have loads of older lads hanging around all day every day.

And that biker sounds bloody cheeky. You should be able to do what you like in your own house when you want to without justifying it to a child!!!

I like the suggestion of just having one or two days a week when friends come round. Warn your DS in advance and that way everyone is happy.

My friend's house was always the meeting place for him + friends, his brother + friends and his sister + friends...everyday after school! I felt so sorry for his mum who worked full time and came home to a house full of teenagers (although we were all luffly).

She did however rope us into cleaning up everything for when the cleaner was coming round the next day...

FireOverBabylon · 27/07/2012 16:29

"ask me why he couldn't come in since I was just sat on the sofa doing nothing" HmmHmm Bloody cheek - because it's my sofa and I can!

As you're not my DS I won't be feeding you. Bring your own food next time old chap!

God, have I got all this to come with DS once his friends can no longer be left at nursery?

Original poster
PiousPrat · 27/07/2012 16:45

I wasn't even doing nothing, I was doing the food shopping online that I can't do if he is here because he tries to claim the iPad for hours at a time, only giving it up when he has it physically taken away and told to get out of the house for not listening the previous 3 times he was asked to hand it over.

Seeing it written down, I'm not sure why I ever allow him in the house in the first place. He was DS2s friend from school, but DS2 doesn't really want anything to do with him anymore because of his behaviour. DS1 only plays with him if no one else is about but being ASD he tends to be easily led and parrots back the entitlement complex this kid seems to have so I don't really want DS1 having much to do with him either. Shame really as biker boy's twin brother is really nice, but their mother is insistent they come as a pair so I guess the nice one won't be coming round any more either.

OP posts:
wheredidiputit · 27/07/2012 17:15

YANBU.

Perhaps you should start charging £10 per day per day to cover all the extra costs - food/drink, eletric and wear and tear of your property.

snuffaluffagus · 27/07/2012 17:17

Tell him off for being rude and maybe have a word with his mother about it! You're not obligated to have them over.

Swipe left for the next trending thread