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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry to post this on here need quick help!

82 replies

DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 13:20

DS (ASD) has just escaped out of the car while I was getting in, ran into next doors garden, grabbed their gnome and threw it into the next garden along. It smashed all over the floor. I got DS into the house and am now upstairs with him. I don't know what to do!

I don't think they're in but there is a smashed gnome in someone's drive and if I try to get out there with DS to clear it he's bound to get away and do it again :,(

I'll obviously pay for a new gnome but what if it had some sort of personal value??? What if someone gets hurt on the glass? I'm stuck inside with DS in full meltdown :,( I feel awful!

OP posts:
sugarice · 27/07/2012 13:57

Surely you're entitled to some kind of respite, do you have a keyworker to offer support?

Original poster
DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 13:58

It's my own fault. I got pregnant at 17 while on the pill and thought I could still do it all alone. I was wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 13:59

Sugarice all the support seemed to disappear once DS turned 5. He has parent partnership at school who are fantastic but obviously aren't around during the holidays. They looked into play schemes for him for the holidays but again... Too high risk.

OP posts:
LemarchandsBox · 27/07/2012 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ormiriathomimus · 27/07/2012 14:00

dozy - where are you? Perhaps someone here could come round to see you. You sound in need of some sympathy and companionship as much as anything x

Original poster
DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 14:01

In the north west but if someone came into the home he didn't know they're at serious risk of harm. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 14:04

Thank you for all your support. I'm having my own little meltdown today I think. It's probably just lack of sleep.

OP posts:
OlymPicture · 27/07/2012 14:06

Agree with Lemarcands

You are not getting the support that you should be given, don't feel to blame.

DS has ASD and when he goes into one it is impossible to control him, I really feel your pain

LemarchandsBox · 27/07/2012 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 14:08

Thanks olym. Since about a week before summer holidays it seems like he's been on one long meltdown. I think he was so worked up about the holidays coming up.

OP posts:
sugarice · 27/07/2012 14:10

I used to work in a special school and the Parents who got what they wanted for their children were the one's who kicked up a massive fuss over absolutely. everything. Could you see your GP to discuss support if there's no one from school to contact over the holiday? Don't let it drop, you need help with your boy.

Original poster
DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 14:15

I could try the GP but I don't know what they could do? We had a social worker assessment I asked for but she came, wrote a lovely report about how the house was set up just for him and how well he was looked after, then left, no word since. My friend said they don't have the resources to support well cared for children which is fair enough I'd rather struggle than a child suffer due to cuts...

OP posts:
sugarice · 27/07/2012 14:20

Yes you are looking after him extremely well but what about support for you? I'd contact your sw, if he's caused you an injury aged 6 imagine his strength in a few years, strategies need to be put in place.

NarkedRaspberry · 27/07/2012 14:20

Unfortunately if they think you're coping they won't offer any help. You may need to fight them tooth and nail push them to get some assistance.

Original poster
DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 14:22

The daft thing is that the local children's home for autistic children tried to set up a course that trained parents in positive handling but there was too much red tape in case someone sued etc. I could really do with something like that.

OP posts:
dev9aug · 27/07/2012 14:26

I think you should also post in SN. It certainly sounds like you are entitled to more than what you are getting now. Ask in that section what help others get, then maybe you will be able to ask for it from your GP/SW. Forewarned is forearmed.

Olympia2012 · 27/07/2012 14:27

I was Sad to read your post. You sound so down and resigned. And you are too young to be ground down! Hope someone can help with the bigger long term picture. But in the meantime, don't worry about that gnome!

I had a neighbour who fostered children with SN. Only ever a few days at a time, respite I assume. She had a fair few 'throwers' stay there, never knew what we would find in the street or garden! It was a surprise a day and I miss that. Humour got us all through, but when it was meltdown time I felt for her. Actually only spoke to her a few times, but we communicated well with facial expressions over the years. Your neighbours maybe feel for you too, but don't know what to say?

Original poster
DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 14:33

Thanks everyone. My neighbours are pretty new that side. The ones before we're fab because they had an older child with SN who had behaviours that were... Challenging. They used to wreck my garden together and I used to put it back together at night. I miss those ones because I didn't feel the guilt as their son would wreck just as much of my stuff.

OP posts:
lacroixsweetie · 27/07/2012 14:43

Your neighbours probably just don't know what to say to you and feel awkward as a result. How many times have you walked past someone with a screaming toddler and empathised - you don't stop and chat though do you? (even though you know that person is probably wishing the ground would open up)
a) sh*t happens - could just have easily been a regular child with a football
b) a garden gnome, seriously - the rest of the neighbours are probably cheering your son from behind the curtains! If you know what it looks like, you can always find a replacement on-line and offer to purchase it. That's perfectly reasonable. Irritating for them if they were personally attached to it but who puts a family heirloom in the front garden. Surprising that it hasn't been a post pub "trophy" before now.

Your situation sounds like hard work and also like you are doing a really great job (at 23)? I can't imagine how hard it must be sometime. I can't offer any practical support on the ASD front, I'm limited to having read the Curious Incident of Dog in the Night Time as the depth of my expertise. I'm a firm believer in "she who shouts loudest though". sugarice is right - you are going to need help and fairly soon and it might take a couple of years to get it. Time to look for some support and advice from people who have fought the underfunded system and won - there's nothing wrong with that at all.

Original poster
DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 14:52

I help out at an autism support group up here. Everyone I've talked to is in the same boat with the funding stuff but their children aren't 'high risk' so they do get respite and transport etc.

Thank you everyone, he might just not know what to say to me. He seems very awkward around me at normal times the only time he's ever spoken to me really was to tell me my other neighbour was out of order for telling me to give DS a smack (he is really old and I think he was trying to be helpful more than nasty, I also suspect something is going on there in its own right anyway as he never used to talk to me like this till recently)

OP posts:
LeandarBear · 27/07/2012 14:54

You sound like an amazing Mum. I am not surprised you are finding it hard though. You really do need to ask for help and fight for it if need be.

Maybe take a card or flowers to the nieghbour when you get a moment and explain why you couldn't tidy up the gnomy mess immediately. I would aslo offer to pay again. The guys reaction was not too bad I suppose. He is lucky to have such a caring neighbour.

Good luck with everything. Smile

Original poster
DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 14:56

I'm thinking of sticking a fiver in an envelope or something with a note?

It might have been because I was crying. Some men are a bit awkward around emotional women sometimes.

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Original poster
DozyDuck · 27/07/2012 14:57

He probably though he'd better end the conversation quick before I started pouring my heart out to him haha Grin

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 27/07/2012 14:59

You are probably right! If you were crying he would feel awkward.

Goes the meltdown going?