to stop my DD going to a party when I know she intends to drink at 16

[skyblue11]

She left her ipod messages open and she lied to me saying she was staying at a friends house this saturday night when she's going to overnight at some boys house who I don't know and she intends to get drunk....she's not used to alcohol so I'm worried...

I'd stop her going to the party because she lied....

Having a drink would be no problem for me.

Not being mature enough to discuss stopping at a boy's house when she knows you would be anxious would be an issue.

Yes, thats the saddest thing.....I know her friend will have told her to do it as she often lies to her parents of her whereabouts

If she had been honest with you I would say let her go if she could be trusted. The fact she has lied I wouldn't let her go.

The party and drinking wouldn't bother me as I did the same. The lying about staying overnight at a boys house would so she wouldn't be going unless I picked her up at 11 or 12, although suspect as she had lied to me she just wouldn't be going.

Oh my- I dread this with my DD

Then again at 16 I was in a nightclub on tv on the hit man and her when I was 'at a friends house'

I would have a talk with her - being general and not nosy - and ask her what does she think are the risks of drinking and how would someone manage them.

And dare I say she might already be used to alcohol...

The drinking wouldn't bother me too much.

The lying would.

On the way out tonight I said I think you should come back to ours as she hardly ever stays sat this friends house so I thought it strange however she said well xxx has invited some to stay so I might do that....I said I don't think DH would like that she said tell him I'm at XXX annd I said I refuse to lie...

She wanted you to lie to your DH?

Be honest though, what would you have done if she had told you of her whereabouts?

As a mother to a 16 year old, I too wouldn't be overly bothered about a bit of drink, but the fact that she lied suggests that that she has something else planned as well. On the basis that she lied, I wouldn't let her go.

Drinking no problem at all.

Boys no problem at all.

Lying not cool.

Yes she wanted me to lie DH, I found the message after this convo, stating that she would drink whatever her friend was bringing but she was scared she'd be sick...

I would be turning up at the boys house at 11pm. Why did you not tell her that you thought you were being lied to and weren't happy? It's only Thursday anyway.

If she'd been upfront from the start, it was just mentioned oh, were going round to xxx on Saturday ...OK....then later I asked if her friend who normally sleeps here on Sat was coming back then she said no we'll be staying at hers...then in the car she casually dropped it in they might be invited to stay, I reckon she was just testing the water knowing that I don't know the boy I'd probably say no....then after reading the message I'm now much more concerned but obvs can't say what I've seen..

Drinking and boys, well she's 16. Lying no but I know I did it at her age.

Have a chat and if you don't mind me saying is she clued up on contraception...

I am going to talk to her tomorrow, I just wanted to get opinions from here I love MN for that....

Don't most teenagers lie to their parents at one time or another - especially where doing more 'adult' stuff is concerned? Would you have let her go? Do you give her the freedom and responsibility to not have to lie to you? Why did you read her private messages?

Contraception we had the talk a few months ago but if she'd plied with alcohol who knows!!!!

Yes I think I'd let her go, I don't want her to be sick that's all...

My parents are tee total and practicing Christians.

At 16 they allowed me to go out drinking, mainly with my brothers mates, and they allowed me to stay at these boy's houses after such nights out.

They put a massive amount of trust in me and I never ever let them down.

I think they were smart enough to realise that forbidding something makes it all the more desirable and that I would have started sneaking round behind their backs, probably with unpleasant results.

I am immensely grateful to my parents for that.

What would you have been allowed to do at her age?

Did you think your parent's were being unreasonable, or possibly even over-liberal?

I know that perceptions of risks have changed dramaticaly in less than 25 years.
I also know that I am going to be in a very similar situation in a few years when my DD's start to enter their teens.

I want to give them freedom and hope that we will have instilled enough common sense for them to make the right decisions.

I hope all goes well for you and your DD op

Shakirasma, I also like to think I can trust her, it's just I know her friend would have told her what to say and I'm annoyed at that...