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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be slightly miffed with DH

67 replies

GingerWrath · 26/07/2012 19:32

He spends a LOT of time away through work and always hasn't done/has done something before he goes that makes my life that mucH harder.

Of the top of my head he went away for 4 months and took his car keys with him so I couldn't keep his car ticking over for him, he took the shed key with him for another 4 monther, in April, so I had no access to the lawn mower.

This time he has left heavy furniture wedged against the dog crate so I can't collapse it to go and stay with my Mum (5 yo dd needs occupying in the school holidays), and he has left his heavy toolbox wedged against the lawn mower so again I have no access!

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerWrath · 26/07/2012 20:43

Yeah... 20 years ago when we weren't fighting a war and being volunteered for the olympics....hind sight is wonderful, wish I hadn't fallen in love with a serviceman, still at least he doesn't beat me and dotes on our dd Hmm

OP posts:
LaBelleDameSansPatience · 26/07/2012 20:45

Yes, dog crates on Amazon do not cost a fortune.

Debeez · 26/07/2012 21:18

"still at least he doesn't beat me and dotes on our dd"

What a bloody awful thing to say. Biscuit

Original poster
GingerWrath · 26/07/2012 21:26

Awful? So it's acceptable to say 'you knew what you were getting I to when yo married him.' is it?

OP posts:
sensuallettuce · 26/07/2012 21:29

Yes because marriage is or better or worse and you have bee in the forces and knew exactly what you were walking into.

Forces wives cope.

Original poster
GingerWrath · 26/07/2012 21:33

Sensual, as a Navy wife I would hope you have some sympathy..obviously not...as a wife of a suddenly deployed person, in the first weeks of the holidays, I am pissed off!

OP posts:
thebody · 26/07/2012 21:36

Ginger, my dh is a bit like this and he works away too, did OZ 2 years ago for 6 months.

Get a man in, not in biblical sense but to shift the furniture etc.

Hope your dh comes home safely.

sensuallettuce · 26/07/2012 21:37

I do have sympathy but you come across as a bit pathetic and you know we have to cope. My OH is away at the moment and it's shit but I knew he was in the Navy when I met him - therefore I make sure I have friends etc to help me with the stuff I am crap at can't do.

After 20 yrs I would have thought you may have some coping strategies - I am learning loads after 3 yrs.

I would however have killed him for the car key stunt - although do you not have a spare Confused

Original poster
GingerWrath · 26/07/2012 21:41

Thank you thebody but mine is working wembly arena, he is getting no hot meals and is starting his day at 0330.... He is not some young squaddie but is middle management that has done 22years!

OP posts:
larks35 · 26/07/2012 21:42

YANBU OP, ffs you poster's with your "stop being so helpless" advice, she only said "AIBU to be slightly miffed with DH" not "AIBU to be left helpless by DH"!

OP I'm sure you'll manage as you have had to manage before, yanbu to be miffed with your DH but I imagine the preparation for leaving is often a bit stressful. Perhaps you should both plan ahead for when the next separation happens so that you aren't left in a similar position.

Also, I hope you have a good summer and get some breaks Smile

imsotired · 26/07/2012 21:42

gingerwrath i understand exactly where you are coming from.

i would miss DH for the little things he does, like lift the toolbox out so i can mow the lawn. it must be really hard, to go to the shed and realise you cant get the lawnmower becuause the toolbox is in the way and he wont be here for 4 months to help you.

it must be like a little dagger every time.

I think that he thinks your strong and independent and doesnt realise how much you depend upon him, because you have become part of a team, and teams work best when both parties are there.

try to tell yourself it wont be long, an he hasnt done it specifically to annoy you, he just had 100 other things on his mind before he went away.

good look in coping with this difficult time

imsotired · 26/07/2012 21:43

sensual lettuce stop being so harsh

Original poster
GingerWrath · 26/07/2012 21:43

Sensual i do have strategies but after 20 years he should know better!

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerWrath · 26/07/2012 21:47

Larks and imsotired, thanks for bringing on the tears! They were well needed.....I miss my DH!

OP posts:
sensuallettuce · 26/07/2012 21:47

Harsh? I am being honest.

She asked AIBU?

Yes he should but - he's a bloke and he's been in for 22 yrs - you should know they only operate on instruction Wink

imsotired · 26/07/2012 21:50

sensual Lettuce have a bit of compassion. we all arent heartless people who can see off our other halves without even breaking a stride.

some people fit together and when that other person isnt there for a while its hard.

I'm glad that you sail through your periodic seperations with nary a hitch, but have some compassion for someone who doesnt.

lisaro · 26/07/2012 21:52

You were supposedly in the forces but because when you married 20 years ago there 'wasn't a war on' its a shock to you he has to go away? Confused

Original poster
GingerWrath · 26/07/2012 21:53

Failed to say it's DD's birthday tomorrow..and I am 40 in a fortnight....sensual, DH has done 2 tours of Afghan, one tour of Iraq, 1 tour of Kuwait, and 3 tours of the Falklands....maybe come back when you are experienced enough to comment?

OP posts:
sensuallettuce · 26/07/2012 21:56

My mum has been diagnosed with cancer while he has been away this time.

I think that makes me experienced enough to comment about coping actually.

imsotired · 26/07/2012 22:01

sensual lettuce sorry to hear about your mum

so basically your saying, my mum has cancer and i coped, its only a shed key?

well, when i read it, i heard more than just a shed key, i heard someone missing her DH and just becuause you have been left alone to cope, shouldnt affect your compassion for other people whose coping mechanisms arent as strong as yours.

I hope that you get some support from your friends and the rest of your family until your Dh gets home to support you.

TalHotBlond · 26/07/2012 22:02

I am Emily Howard too. Grin

Used to be very capable but then met DH who just does all the dirty/heavy stuff for me without even thinking.

Caught myself pondering heavily on the fact that the kitchen bin was full one day and there was nobody to empty it. Decided a grip needed to be got. Grin

But YANBU because heavy, dirty tools are always being left in annoying, impractical places here too. It's a pain in the (delicate little) arse.

Original poster
GingerWrath · 26/07/2012 22:04

Oh, blimey, my dad died of a pulmonary embolism 6 weeks before his last Afghan det, seriously, get over yourself, WE ARE ON THE SAME SIDE!

OP posts:
holyfishnets · 26/07/2012 22:08

I would be miffed off too.

Halfling · 26/07/2012 22:19

Ginger YANBU. Your irritation is totally justifiable. My DH goes away on long tours and it is little things like this that make my tearful.

I can always cope with the big stuff. However, when I am unable to open jars, or move heavy stuff, I do feel alone.

It may sound petty and small in the grand scheme of things, but that is how I feel and I don't think it is entirely unreasonable.

lisaro · 26/07/2012 22:40

My father was RN and my exH was Army. Yes, I think I'm qualified to comment. And I still think you're being pathetic and precious.