Or is my neighbour taking the piss?

[MirandaGoshawk]

Since the day he moved in he's been borrowing things. Then it was "Have you got any picture hanging nail thingies?" So I found a couple, but he said "Got any more? I need about 20". I was a bit but OK, they've just moved in & B&Q is 10 mins away... found 17. So, of course, didn't have any when I needed one.

Since then it's been different tools, lawnmower (many occasions when theirs was broken), car washing stuff (never got it back/replaced) and "Printer's kaput. Can I borrow yours? Just a few pages." Dh took the printer over & brought it back. No idea how many pages which annoys me as we are very careful not to print unnecessarily. Last week it was '"Have you got a bin bag?" Shops are five mins up the road but this was late at night. Next morning he was gardening & putting cuttings into a bin bag! (Ours, presumably.) That was the final straw for me & made me see red.

But this morning he collared DH & asked to borrow the printer again 'for one label'. DH said to send it by email & we'd print it but he said no, he wants to borrow the printer.

He buys gadgets so presumably can afford binbags etc. He's a Latino so maybe they're all sharing etc & this is normal. But he's asked DS to help with lots of things & never given him a penny in thanks, & the fact that he doesn't replace/offer a couple of quid for the ink etc gets me.

I like him & don't want to upset him but I want borrowing/lending to be emergency only. I did once ask for an egg from them & offered to replace it - they said 'Don't worry'.

He has visitors atm & I don't want to have a go in front of them, but I do want him to buy his own bloody printer. Should I write an email?

just make up excuses or say no - he is taking the piss. Tell him there is no ink in the printer since he finished it the last time he borrowed it. No you don't have any black bags, your lawnmower is broken too.

If you don't want to upset him, then I wouldn't email. I think an email is more confrontational/formal than just nicely saying no.

you don't have to lend him stuff. So say no, I don't have any. No, it's out of ink/broken. No. No no no no.

Of course, you will then have to never ask to borrow anything from him either

Sometimes, you can't avoid confrontation and you shouldn't try to. There is nothing wrong with saying to someone No, sorry, I am starting to feel taken advantage of. Please don't ask me again.

Another neighbour problem where the OP is thinking of emailing rather than just talking?

How do people even know their neighbour's email addresses?

I'm finding this new phenomena quite bizarre.

I agree with redlac.

Just say no.

But if you want to tell him you're annoyed and want him to buy his own printer, I would talk face to face, rather than e-mail. It's very easy for people to take e-mails the wrong way and react badly where no offence is meant.

say no sorry the ink has run out

I had similar a friend asked if she could print something on mine it was photographs and used all my ink up!!

He is taking the piss, but you and your husband sound like complete walkovers. Just say 'no' next time, and keep saying it.

Thanks all. I appreciate your thoughts about the email. As for having his email address - we get on well, pretty much, although when I asked for a lent video back he said he'd 'lost' it & walked away, so it's OK for him to not explain!

The thing is that if I just say that the ink has run out then it doesn't solve the constant borrowing problem. I have to confront it. DH is too much of a wuss

Callisto - We're too nice!

Just start saying no. No reason to make it into a confrontation and stress yourself more.

"No I don't think we have any, sorry."
"No, I think its currently broken."

Whatever you want to say.

You have said yes for too long. Start saying no and he will take the hint.

No is a complete sentence "Just sayyyy no-oh Just say no" you don't have to say anything more. If he says why, you can either do a or say "well you "lost" complete with air quotes our video" or something like "there's more of our belongings in your house than ours" and just walk away.

I have the opposite problem. My effing neighbour won't stop giving me things that she thinks I might find useful.

If I needed an inflatable/rubber ring, I would buy one. I don't have one because I don't need one. I do not need yours. But still she insists.

Its like living next door to Mrs Doyle, go wan go wan will you have a rubber ring go wan go wan go wan, have a rubber ring!

To make it worse, she works in a charity shop and buys stuff for DS that he doesn't need, like clothes that are two sizes two small, so I end up having all this stuff sitting in a bag waiting for a window of opportunity when I can donate it to a different charity without her seeing it being sneaked out of the house. He has loads of stuff from charity shops that my mum buys, but they are for him to grow into, not stuff that he'll never wear.

If you pm me with your neighbour's address, he can have the rubber ring.

Oh golly stifnstav... Just say no!

OK - update. DH has come home for lunch & I've told him. He says he is happy to lend to DN because he's afraid that if he doesn't then DN will put his music up so it thumps through the wall. DH thinks DN is compromising for us & therefore we 'owe' him.

Please don't suggest any conflict because it has taken so long to get him to appreciate that his bass was too loud.

I dont even know my families email adresses but twice now iv read neighbours wanting to email their neighbours.

Just say no. Its quite simple & useful once you get the hang of it

Miranda thats not a good way for your DH to think. You dont owe him anything & if he insists on playing music loud report him. There doesnt need to be conflict.

fuck that!

does it not make him think maybe the neighbour turns his music up when you don't lend him stuff "to get you back"
i think the neighbour is a total twat.

I find this all very odd. I know that if I needed bin bags or tea bags or indeed anything certain neighbours have in their possesion, I could knock on their door and they would let me have it. It works well as if they need something I have I let them have it.

I would draw the line at the printer being removed from my house, though I happily print the odd page off for any of them.

If it can be a two way thing it can be good. Maybe you should start running out of things too. It works well round here as we are all equally forgetful.

Our car was out of action for a few days recently and a neighbour lent us hers for the few short trips we needed to take. That was on the basis that my DP will quite often take her in to town to buy more alcohol when she cannot drive herself!

One of my neighbours has taken my DD to school sometimes too, and I will return the favour.

It is what makes the world go round.

Mamma - yes, it works that way here too. They sound like emergencies - cars breaking down etc. But where do you draw the line? Binbags/car wash are not an emergency. We have a supermarket up the road (literally five mins by car) that sells stuff. And what about next time he wants something printing?

I've run out of kitchen roll. It would be awfully convenient for me to ask him & then I can forget about buying some, until next time. But instead I'll manage without until I can buy some.

nickel - the neighbour IS a total twat.

He has shown himself to be one of those over the years. This borrowing thing is the least of it & he's been borrowing seems like weekly for 7 years!

Yours is broken end of discussion he is taking advantage of your good nature just politely back off

Can't believe you let them have your printer at all, quite frankly. Fine to print things off for people, but crazy to lug it around there and leave it with them. They can so easily break or get confused working with different PCs. In fact, you could say that. Say that last time they had it, through no fault of their own, it was a nightmare getting it to work with your set-up again, so you'd rather not do that again. Say it's very temperamental, sorry, but reiterate that you're happy to print (a reasonable!) amount of stuff for them at your house. NO WAY should you ever lend expensive stuff to them. The odd binbag, okay. A couple of picture hooks, okay. TWENTY??? Can't you just say - are you kidding?!

Ah, those Latinos and their sharing.

But no, YANBU and I'll join the 'Just say no' chorus.

I particularly love the idea of saying 'No, there's no ink/bags/hooks left because YOU have used them all.'

i had a wanker of a neighbour, actually the neighbour's on/off partner.
came round to borrow a saw. in order to lay flooring it turns out - stupidly i found it,
he came round again for it, by which time it had got lost in the recess of our cupboard
i told him it was lost, the look he gave me could KILL

so i try not to bother, once you start some people dont seem to stop.

No, go round and ask for kitchen roll. Take the whole roll and don't replace it. It will make you feel less resentful, and if you do it a lot it might make them think.

As for the printer - don't let it out of your house. Keep repeating "just email your "one" label and we'll print it for you". And then if he does email it, take a week to get around to it.

And the other stuff - well, most of the time, "sorry, we're down to our last one" or "yes of course, I'm just busy doing something but I'll find it later" (and then don't). You want to make going to the supermarket a more convenient option than asking you.

And if he turns the bass up, record it and report it!

printer broken is what my other neighbours use,