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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is my neighbour taking the piss?

57 replies

MirandaGoshawk · 26/07/2012 12:47

Since the day he moved in he's been borrowing things. Then it was "Have you got any picture hanging nail thingies?" So I found a couple, but he said "Got any more? I need about 20". I was a bit but OK, they've just moved in & B&Q is 10 mins away... found 17. So, of course, didn't have any when I needed one.

Since then it's been different tools, lawnmower (many occasions when theirs was broken), car washing stuff (never got it back/replaced) and "Printer's kaput. Can I borrow yours? Just a few pages." Dh took the printer over & brought it back. No idea how many pages which annoys me as we are very careful not to print unnecessarily. Last week it was '"Have you got a bin bag?" Shops are five mins up the road but this was late at night. Next morning he was gardening & putting cuttings into a bin bag! (Ours, presumably.) That was the final straw for me & made me see red.

But this morning he collared DH & asked to borrow the printer again 'for one label'. DH said to send it by email & we'd print it but he said no, he wants to borrow the printer.

He buys gadgets so presumably can afford binbags etc. He's a Latino so maybe they're all sharing etc & this is normal. But he's asked DS to help with lots of things & never given him a penny in thanks, & the fact that he doesn't replace/offer a couple of quid for the ink etc gets me.

I like him & don't want to upset him but I want borrowing/lending to be emergency only. I did once ask for an egg from them & offered to replace it - they said 'Don't worry'.

He has visitors atm & I don't want to have a go in front of them, but I do want him to buy his own bloody printer. Should I write an email?

OP posts:

Original poster

MirandaGoshawk · 26/07/2012 14:26

Bertha, thanks for your advice re the printer. I can't for the life of me see why he can't cut & paste & attach it to an email.

Thanks all. Re sharing - I think it must be the Latino thing. Sounds nice, but... I've been brought up with 'neither a borrower nor a lender be'. If someone needs, you give, not lend. But not if they're taking the piss.

I will defo remember the 'No, there's no ink/bags/hooks left because YOU have used them all.'

OP posts:

nickelbarapasaurus · 26/07/2012 14:32

he can't put it in an email because he wants more than one thing printed.

like with the picture hooks - if i needed one or two, then it's not worth buying a whole tub, so i'd borrow, but any more than that, i'd buy a pack.

it's not accidental, he's doing it on purpose.
"may i borrow blah blah?"
"they cost £2.22 in b&Q"
"but i don't want to buy some i want to borrow"
"tough shit"

Original poster

MirandaGoshawk · 26/07/2012 15:43

No, it's just a label this time. Amazon return.

nickel, are you in the shop? Quiet Thursday afternoon? I work pt in a small shop & it's dead atm.

OP posts:

Original poster

MirandaGoshawk · 26/07/2012 15:44

Yes, it's on purpose. It's 'I need it now, I'll ask them' I think.

OP posts:

nickelbarapasaurus · 26/07/2012 16:35

yeah, quiet Thursday afternoon.
it seems that the summer holiday is not bringing families into town.

Original poster

MirandaGoshawk · 26/07/2012 20:03

'Tis very quiet round here. Apparently they've all gone camping!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 26/07/2012 20:11

About the label, say, "What did you print last time? There's no ink in the printer. Can you lend me £30 to get some more?"

Each time he comes round, say you haven't got it but can he lend you something in exchange.

PenisVanLesbian · 26/07/2012 20:12

Just say no. And keep the casual racism out of it.

GnomeDePlume · 26/07/2012 20:34

Dont apologise, dont explain, just say no. Say it politely and cheerfully
but finally:

Can I borrow your lawnmower?
No
Can I borrow your printer?
No
Can I have a dustbin bag?
No

Be prepared for him to protest that this is emergency lawnmowing/printing/binning he needs to do but ignore and say goodbye.

It sounds like he has stopped bothering to keep anything for himself because he knows that Miranda will provide.

Original poster

MirandaGoshawk · 28/07/2012 12:33

Casual racism? No. Just trying to understand possible cultural differences.

I realise now that the borrowing the picture pins on the first day they were here was an indication of things to come. Hardly an emergency, was it? I thought he should buy his own if he needed 20 & I should've said so.

OP posts:

PenisVanLesbian · 28/07/2012 12:41

Latino? What kind of word is that to use? If you don't even know where he is from, you can't understand any "cultural differences" can you?

Original poster

MirandaGoshawk · 28/07/2012 12:45

Of course I know where he's from! I know the city. But I didn't want to be specific on an open forum. I know from talking to him that he thinks differently from me about some things, due to upbringing. Wasn't sure of the borrowing thing was one of them, but now I see that it isn't. A twat is a twat in any culture.

OP posts:

Catsmamma · 28/07/2012 12:47

if he has borrowed these things then go and ask for them back!

PigletJohn · 28/07/2012 12:55

borrow something off him (lawnmower, for example)

don't give it back, put it safely in your shed.

When he comes round asking for it, say, yes, of course you can have it back. Can I have the XXXX you borrowed off me? If you go and get them now, I'll fetch the lawnmower when you come back.

If he says he can't return the XXXX just now, say, oh yes, I know how you feel, the mower's right at the back of the shed, it will take me ages to get it out. I'll do it later. Bye for now. No, you can't help me get it, I'm really busy just now.

Olympicnmix · 28/07/2012 12:58

Haha, no I don't have 20 picture hooks - B&Q stock them though
You used up the last of the printer ink - Currys do printers for £30-£40.
Lawnmower is being temperamental and needs a service - Homebase often have specials on lawnmowers, if you nip down there now you might be lucky
Or, 'sorry, lost', 'it's in use', 'that won't be possible'

OlymPicture · 28/07/2012 13:10

He is taking the piss.

But agree do not email him, it will look confrontational.

Just say no. Have a few ready excuses up your sleeve.

Everything you have is broken / down to your last one / don't know where it is - or you could say "Oh, sorry but I lent it to someone and they haven't returned it / used it all up"

ophelia275 · 28/07/2012 13:11

So, basically he is blackmailing you.

Either you lend him stuff or he will turn his bass up. Or at least that seems to be what your DH believes.

If you are not going to say "no" to him, then why bother with this thread? Just keep lending him stuff and hope it stops him from turning up his bass.

PenisVanLesbian · 28/07/2012 13:14

Exactly. So why make any issue of where he is from. Latino is not a nice word to use.

rainydaysarebad · 28/07/2012 13:19

Sorry, don't have any advice, I just imagine a Ricky Martin or Marc Anthony lookalike borrowing your stuff..

wellwisher · 28/07/2012 13:21

It is not a Latin thing. It is a cheeky fucker thing!

"I'm sorry, we don't have any... the supermarket's still open though!"
"I'm sorry, the printer's out of ink... did you know there's an internet cafe up the road?"
"Sorry, we're planning to wash cars/mow lawn this afternoon as well... so unless you want to do ours at the same time, we can't lend you our stuff"

Dawndonna · 28/07/2012 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Primrose123 · 28/07/2012 13:40

Stivnstav - my mum does this! She has a weakness for anything reduced, and just can't leave it in the shop! She is always calling with reduced food - sometimes it is very handy, but we are trying to lose weight, and it always seems to be processed meals or pizza. She says that they don't eat processed food, so we can have it - but we don't eat processed food either!

She also buys reduced clothes for DH and two teenage DDs. Again, it's very kind of her, but she is in her mid seventies, and she and DH have different taste in clothes. You can just imagine what my DDs think of being bought clearance clothes by Grandma! While we don't want to be ungrateful, she buys some truly awful clothes, reduced to about 50p, and usually the wrong size. She asks if we like them, and is very huffy if we are honest, so we have to bag them up secretly for the charity shop. We have asked her not to buy stuff for us, but she doesn't listen.

She also hoards everything, can't throw anything away, and is always trying to give us old broken stuff.

Original poster

MirandaGoshawk · 28/07/2012 15:07

Dawndonna - mentioning someone's race (or background/gender/age etc) is not racist if it is relevant. The only reason I mentioned it is because I thought someone might be able to throw light on this by saying, for example, "I grew up in Brazil and it's normal... he'll accept it if you tell him you're not comfortable with it", or whatever. So please don't jump to conclusions and assume that whenever race/culture is mentioned it is somehow racist. It isn't.

I'm not going to go into my own background here but just to say that there is no implied racism in my OP. So please shut up with your baseless accusations.

OP posts:

LeandarBear · 28/07/2012 15:28

YANBU in thinking he is taking the piss, coz he is

Don't print the label for him, tell him it's out of ink which you cant understand as when you lent it too him last time it was full. When he asks for other things just say sorry but you are about to use it, you have just run out, you cant find it, etc, etc.

I would not lend him anything else ever.

It all sounds a Homer Simpson/Ned Flanders to me.

PenisVanLesbian · 28/07/2012 15:30

"latino" isn't a race though. Thats sort of the point.

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