To think after 12 years of binge drinking....

[flowerpot77]

You can never make yourself look radiant and healthy? My BF has given up for good... Long story MH issues, but she asked my opinion on how to make herself look and feel healthier. I could only think of drink lots of water? What do you guys think? Any tips/ advice?

thats very true cogito. She stayed with me for a week whilst she was between places... And I reckon it was around three bottles of red a day... And she seemed sober! I'm one glass and on the floor.

Thank you DS, she actually came to me for help and told me she had a problem. The thing is she doesn't go out drinking with others it's more, a quick gulp here and there. I was actually shocked when I counted the bottles and have told her I will do all I can, even take her to AA and sit with her but she's adamant that it's not for her and she can do it herself. I may suggest we visit the GP (insistently).

Her underlying issues have always been about self confidence and over worrying about other peoples perception of her. We have talked and talked at length but I'm not sure how much is still with her or, like anyone, what is really going on in her head.

perhaps you coudl go places with her that doesnt involve drinking. swimming, zumba, like you say,

Just be careful. Alcoholism is a terrible thing that ruins the lives not just of the alcoholic themselves but also the poor buggers that attempt to help. Alcoholism is a by-word for deception and selfishness, unfortunately. One minute they've allegedly quit for good & the next you find money goes missing or there are empties hidden about the house. I've seen a few members of my own family suffer horribly - marriage break-ups, illnesses - through being repeatedly let down and having their kindness spat back in their faces. Her habit isn't yours to solve so, no matter how good a friend, please be very careful

'alcoholism is a by-word for selfishness'. Would you say that about depression? Alcoholism & depression are very similar illnesses. Saying, 'oh, just stop drinking' would be the same as telling someone that is depressed to 'pull themselves together'.

Thanks Cog, I have no understanding of the issue other that what I have googled. We still have a bottle of rose we opened in march sat in the fridge! None of my family drink, my husband doesn't drink. Your advice has been helpful. But where do go from here....

I can't afford to be 100% there for her always, I have a full time job and my own family to look after but will do what I can.

I wish I hadn't been quite so truthful in my post as I could have showed her this...

Does she have children? \i am guessing not from your op.

On how she looks - good diet, water, exercise and so on. But really - it's down to the luck of teh draw with teh genes. Some people manage to look pretty good even while abusing their bodies in all sorts of ways, others look terrible while living like a saint! So aside from the obvious there's not a lot else to do I don't think.

It just breaks my heart to see her like this, I guess I suspected for a long time but didn't really want to say anything to her....

She does have kids, three. She is in a marriage to a man who I now know has begged her to stop drinking and is just their for the kids.

"'alcoholism is a by-word for selfishness'. Would you say that about depression? "

No ..... I'd say it about alcoholism.

"But where do go from here.... "

You keep pointing her in the direction of professional help. 'Support' will be in many forms. Listening to her as a friend, encouraging her to make the appointments, celebrating her achievements. But it may also include being tough and uncompromising, right up to the point of saying you can't help her any more.

Initially her motivation to stop came from that one comment about her looks.... I think in this case, it's a harsh thing to say but she has put herself before her kids so that. Is selfish... But then I guess she's depressed so I don't know.... "pull yourself together" and get "over it are things that my husband has said to me about her situation. In all honesty only those going through it really know iykwim... But m gonna hit Wilkos now and get her some of those vitamins....

Cogito is spot on about alcoholism. SIL is married to an alcoholic and it is obvious that she knows what she is talking about.

flowerpot please try and persuade your friend to visit her GP. She won't be judged and will get lots of support. They will want to run tests to check her liver function. If it isn't too damaged it can recover. Sadly for SIL her husband's liver only has 20% function and he is a shambling mess and always will be. I hope your friend manages to stay on the wagon.

People can live a healthy life and look like shite( Gillian mc keith) and also eat sugary Hugh fat foods and look great( nigella lawson).

You sound a fantastic friend and good on you but your friends alcohol intake is all her own and you can only do so much.

I think she's done well to stop booze so far and AA type classes arnt for everyone.

However she needs to replace the alcohol crutch with a healthier one, exercise, new challenges, voluntary work or she may slide back.

Your friend could join this website www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk which she could either use as on-line counselling service (which I think you have to pay for) or she could just join in the forums, people discussing how they're getting on, supporting each other, asking questions, seeking support when they are feeling low and like they mihht be tempted to drink etc etc ....in fact it's like Mumsnet for people who want to cut out or cut down on alcohol!

If she had children then going to GP could result in further intervention. Just so you are aware.

Thanks Sardinequeen, hasn't thought of that.....

Really, Sardine? If someone went to their GP and said they were stopping drinking and would they advise them to do anything in particular, then the GP might refer them to social services?

Yes.

I am not saying that the OP should not recommend that her friend see the GP, but it's worth knowing I think.

It has happened to people on MN.

Of course most of the time there is no further action, but sometimes there is. Depends on who people come into contact with.

It isn't the same, of course, but I am an alcoholic and filled in my GPs questionnaire honestly in terms of how many units I was drinking when I registered with the surgery in 2009. Recently I had a discussion about pregnancy with the GP and he immediately told me that he would need to flag up my alcohol consumption as a concern - I was able to tell him I'd been sober for a year, but obviously they do check (and rightly so!).

I wouldn't put it the way cogito did but even though alcoholism is an illness, that's no good to someone trying to live with an alcoholic.

OP, you need to know - you can't help her if she won't be helped. It's lovely she has you and hopefully it will all go well, but if she sinks back, that is not something you can expect to prevent. She has to do it for herself.

I've just looked it up on the GMC website. It's quite clear that confidentiality can only be breached in order to protect others from risk of serious harm. I don't think the OP's friend comes into that category, do you?

GMC Guidance

There is a clear public interest in a confidential medical service, which is central to trust between doctors and patients (paragraph 6).

The duty of confidentiality is not absolute, and there can be a public interest in disclosing information, e.g. to protect others from risks of serious harm which may be posed by healthcare professionals with health, conduct or performance problems (paragraphs 36 and 53 to 55).

Doctors must protect patients from risk of harm posed by colleague's conduct, performance or health (Good Medical Practice paragraph 43).

Doctors should be clear, honest and objective about the reason for raising a concern about a colleague?s health, which should usually be addressed to their employing or contracting body?s occupational health service in the first instance (Confidentiality: disclosing information about serious communicable diseases paragraph 5). (pdf, 114kb)

I don;t know why you are going so overboard on this imperial.

It has happened to people on MN. It happens.

It is not a point for "debate" - it is simply true.

I expect she doesn't come into that category, imperial. It's also to be honest best to encourage her to seek help, because for goodess' sake, if she is a danger to people around her she needs it! She shouldn't shy away for that reason.

lots of olive oil in her diet?

That GMC stuff appears to relate to misconduct by HCPs

So I think maybe you have cnp the wrong bit.

Like I say, it's not a point for debate. It happens, it has happened to people on MN, quite a few of them.

It doesn't mean that people shouldn't seek help - but it is good to be aware that these things can sometimes escalate.