To think bedtime routines for babies and younger toddlers are not sacrosanct and can be messed around with good outcomes?

[lucasma]

Ds 13 months has always been a bad sleeper and has always had a good bedtime routine.

He settles himself well for naps and bedtime. The problem is night wakings. (I suspect fear of the dark and separation anxiety).

We tried night weaning when he was 11 months and we lasted just over 2 weeks with him wide awake and upset for over 2 hours each night. Dh was helping but stopped and I couldnt sustain it and started feeding again in desperation and now its back to 3-7 night wakings each night, some short with a bit of patting to resettle. Others longer (crying, shouting, wide awake, breastfeeding, patting etc) and can take up to 2 hours. I am so tired.

Dh will be able to help again soon but has a problem back and can't do too much lifting.

I am thinking we change direction with night weaning and when ds wakes up wide awake and won't settle easily (around midnight usually) dh can lift him out put him in a confined, dim lighted playpen area and feed him toast and water. Then he can read him some stories and with luck ds will go back to sleep? He settles well at bedtime with some stories so why wouldn't he in the middle of the night?

(I am thinking if we do this ds will sleep through until the morning as when we were doing the night weaning before he would sleep through once he went back to sleep after the first waking).

Aibu to take ds out of his cot at night, to allow dh to read him stories and give him food and water and to not follow all the bedtime rules?

I think you're worrying more because of the move to the bedsit, but children are very resilient, they can deal with change more than we give them credit for.

I would start offering water when he wakes, no talking or interacting with him except to shush and maybe say something like 'still sleep time' or 'back to sleep' and regardless of how noisy he is you'll need to persevere. It can take up to a week but generally I feel the lesson gets learnt very quickly.

If you genuiney feel he's hungry (and we've definitely had nights when DS (also 13 mths) has woken and only milk has helped) then give him less than you might generally, say 120 ml instead of 200. He'll have had enough to not be hungry and feel he's had his feed, but not too much and gradually bring it down to nothing or almost nothing.

My DS has tried to cut the naps but it hasn't worked so I don't think cutting the naps is the automatic answer. He's actually slept better the following night when he's still had his naps, so he'll tell you when its the right time for those to go.

Good luck.

Try the Waking To Sleep!!!

Worked for me in 5 days. No hassle

I think you are asking for trouble with feeding him toast in a play pen.
Our little one fed woke lots during the night too at one point but I think a 11 month old can go the whole night without feeding and its just a case of breaking the routine you have got into. I would suggest making use of DH while he is off. Get some ear plugs for who ever isn't on night duty. Aim to split the nights with DH doing 10pm till 3pm wakes you doing 3am till 8am wakes. Simply keep the room dark and sit silently next to him in the cot if needed. Hold his hand if necessary.

I have no kids so I am most likely talking out of my arse.

But with kids who don't sleep at night and nap in the day...is it ever that they've had enough sleep with all the naps and are just awake because of that?

cfwb

Good point.

I can be that, or you can have the perverse effect that if a baby gets too little sleep during the day then they are over-tired and that buggers up their sleep patterns or ability to settle down. When, and how long the naps are can have an effect too, and just to confuse things further, the amount and length of naps a child needs changes over time.