to feel so bitter about this?

[ariane5]

Long story-will try to shorten it as much as i can.

dh family have over the last few years borrowed a fair amount of money from us (dh cannot say no), they promise faithfully to repay it and start off doing so then always stop.

I never really wanted to get into the habit of lending money in the first place but i think dh cant say no and they came to expect it of him.From what i can gather before we were together he lent them a lot but it was not repaid so this may have led them to believe we were an easy source of money that they could get away with not repaying.

Dh and I have argued a lot lately as I have been asking him to ask the various members of his family to repay what they owe-he says he cant, feels awkward asking/why do i keep having a go at him about it/can we just consider the money lost etcetc.

What makes it worse is that although they plead poverty and say they cant afford to repay it they always have nice things, get their hair/nails done and dont seem to go without whereas Iam really struggling with feeding and clothing 4 dcs and only have £100 left in my account this week. I feel like Iam being bitter as I dont get treats or have any spare money after bills/food etc.

Recently found out that one of the people who borrowed (and couldnt repay as "had no money") is booking a VERY expensive wedding and honeymoon.I do not want to be bitter and I feel horrible for posting but dh cannot see why Im so hurt. I am just fed up of having nothing, the dcs ask for things and i cant afford them and then I see those involved with this having fun going out and treating their dcs to all thre things i cant get mine.

My whole life seems to revolve around juggling my own finances to avoid getting into debt and I am worried this is all getting to me too much. AIBU to feel this way ?

Is he innumerate? The fact that he totally glazes over when you try to explain the household budget to him, and the fact that he has allowed you to take the wage. suggests to me there may be a real problem here with his ability to understand numbers at all. You'd be amazed how people manage to hide these things. And it would explain the constant arguments.
As for his family, what total bastards. They are taking advantage of him and they couldn't care less about you and your children.
It is possible that your if your DH is innumerate, that this is actually the root cause of the problem. Lending money may be an odd way of trying to hide it. Or his family may have worked out how to use it against him to take advantage. (Oh it's only a 100 quid, that's nothing you know, I'm only asking cos I've got nothing on me, what's the big deal over £100, why wouldn't I pay you back £100?) or whatever.
Might not be the case but would be worth investigating.

what's with this "his own money" attitude from some on this thread?

It's not his money - it is their money. They are a couple, therefore any money earned within the couple should be joint money.

Op - for me it would be ultimatum time. Lend any more money to the family and I'm off.

Thumbwitch summed it up perfectly.

I would give each one of them a letter detailing exactly what they owe you and asking for it to be paid back asap. Then I would ring, text, visit, nag, annoy and badger them on a weekly (ramping up to daily) basis until they cough up.

And it goes without saying that relative who is getting married would under no circumstances be getting a present unless every penny was returned.

That is disgusting. I would be giving them gift" of a bill with interest added on. I would also make it clear that this is causing arguments, damaging your relationship as well as putting you under severe financial strain.
I would give him a seperate account where I put a small amount in for him to pay for petrol. If I found out he had taken out credit cards behind my back to lend them money, I would ask him to move out for a while. Perhaps then he and his awful family would get how serious it was. I'm livid for you.