AIBU to want some warning or say when SIL wants us to babysit?

[Cheekychops84]

basically my SIL is a nurse and works 12 hour shifts she is also a single parent. We've never really got on but I will b polite to keep the peace ( she makes a lot of snide comments about my weight and parenting etc depending on her mood ) she often asks my DP behind my back to babysit for her two dd's aged 5 and 11 on a Sunday which means 7am till 8 pm . He never tells me until the night before so I have no warning ! He says that he is the one looking after them so I should shut up and put up basically ! We also have two dd's aged 5 and 7 and they do all play nicely etc . I'm am heavily pregnant and we had them when I was 37 weeks which was 2 weeks ago I told him this is not good timing if I went into labour how can I find someone to sit with all 4 of them! He said you can't guarantee you will go into labour today tho ! I know she gets jelous of our relationship and everytime she calls him I get all on edge as I panic that she will bring them over and I really don't need it !

Now it's the holidays I have no doubt at all we will have them very soon at some point ! Prob even the day after baby is born. Thing is DP can't see it being a problem at all ? I jus feel I should b at least warned in advance and consulted ?

then you have just as much say as him with regard to who comes round and when.

Yes Birds I know so many nurses who go round doing things like deliberately standing on people's feet...

Yes you should be consulted and it should only go ahead if you are happy. They are in your house and they are about when you are there, so yes your opinion does count.

Yea exactly just gets me down as the weekend approaches I dread it tbh ! And dnt ask OH if they are coming cause obv dnt want to make it look like that's all I think about !

how do you feel about being firm and setting boundrys with regard to this issue covering from now untill your baby is at least 2 weeks old?

Oh yes I'm not backing down this time i will call her myself and tell her no I'm sorry but baby kept us up all night ! I'm hoping that dp will also feel the same with a baby waking us up all night as if we have them we can hardly sneak off for a nap can we!

thing is you have to be firm with him as it appears that hes the one directly being a pita

Yea he is ! I just wish he would see my point of view a bit ! He has been lovely these last few days but I know If she rang and asked for this Sunday he would say yes ! Maybe it's that he can't say no/feels guilty saying no? Then takes it out on me by saying "well it's me who looks after them so what's the problem now"?

or hes just not able to let your feeling take priority at a time when they really should do.

if he finds it hard to say no then give him the excuse that you have put your foot down.

if hes just being a twat then you need to seriously prevent it or ask him to leave so you are not troubled with it obviously i onlt mean for the bb sitting duty time unless ofcourse hes a compleate twat then that may be different.

what are your plans for your own children when you go into labour? how will her child fit into that and why the fuck should he be making it your problem because thats what hes doing.

My dad is going to stay with them so he and my mum can b at the birth but I really do not think it would b fair on my dad to have hers aswell ? As he often takes my dd's out on the bus he is not one to sit indoors all day , he can't do that with hers aswell and personally I wouldnt expect him to.

that would be totally unreasonable towards your dad its not ok for your dh to just assume this is ok as in essance thats what he would be doing

Yea but they do they seem to think that all the kids in their huge family 14 in total bro's and sisters all belong to each other kind of thing they are strong cathiolics and this is how they were brought up etc it's really bloody annoying considering mine never stay with them ! They stayed once at hers cause he refused to come home cause I wouldn't go pick him up ! So he stayed with the dd's the whole night ! He so bloodys childish and stubborn sometime FFs!