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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why on earth would anyone want IL'S in the delivery room??

62 replies

lastnerve · 23/07/2012 11:38

I've only heard cases of this recently , is it a new thing? an American thing?

hearing about the dad,and his parents in the delivery room? Who on earth would want that?

Has anyone had that? AIBU?

OP posts:
Katienana · 23/07/2012 13:01

I've seen this on a US programme, labouring mum was giving birth naked in the bath while entire family looked on including husbands dad and brother. Errrr no thanks!

Avalicious1980 · 23/07/2012 13:10

Eurgh I'd be gutted if my FIL saw my fanny!

trikken · 23/07/2012 13:32

its your choice at the end of the day though. I wouldn't have had mil present of I want comfortable with her being there. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there, mil is just like another mum to me.

trikken · 23/07/2012 13:33

Wasn't* not want

strawberrypenguin · 23/07/2012 13:35

No way I would do it, I wanted DH only tbh I wasn't even keep on parents and PIL visiting in hospital but a I was in 4 days afterwards there wasn't much choice!

strawberrypenguin · 23/07/2012 13:35

*keen even

Keepthechangeyoufilthyanimal · 23/07/2012 13:55

Depends how close you were to your IL's I suppose.
Some people have their mum/sister/aunt etc, but it all depends on the individual relationships.

When I give birth I would like DH in the delivery room, and PIL/my family can be in the waiting room!
MIL does my head in at the best of times

TheBigJessie · 23/07/2012 14:06

I always wonder whether any of them would be willing to do the same again with the next baby.

BlueBirdsNest · 23/07/2012 14:08

in laws in the delivery room........oh no

iknowwho · 23/07/2012 14:11

My friend was at the delivery of her grandaughter last month with her son in law there.

I invited my mum but she was away at the time I came to give birth (16 years ago)

Horses for courses and all that!

becstar77 · 23/07/2012 14:11

I had my youngest sister in with me, as well as DH (obv). She's such a champion, my best friend, confidante and supporter, and I can't imagine going through such an awesome thing without her! She was actually sleeping in our bed with me when my waters burst with DD2 :) (DH was in the spare room getting a good nights sleep for work) which was a lifesaver as she went and woke him as I couldn't move at first and LO arrived 80mins later :s

Parents are another matter entirely!! I'd never choose grandparents to be there, but it's increasingly likely they will be, as my births are getting faster and I'll probably be at home with one of them when it all kicks off!

KidsAuthorKate · 23/07/2012 14:22

I had my mum and my mother in law at the birth of my second child - he's 23 now - so it was a while ago - but I really enjoyed having them there - it felt very natural, and so amazing for them to witness his arrival. xx

IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 23/07/2012 14:26

I had MIL and not my mum there. She was really good! Even SIL came in for a little while but then I farted and sent everyone out! (DM was the cinema so had her phone off!)

rogersmellyonthetelly · 23/07/2012 14:30

I didn't have my mil in the room, but I would have if it had been allowed, and would have been more than happy to have her there. My dh is her only child, and our kids her only grandchildren. She loves them to bits and i would love for her to have been there at their birth.
We don't always see eye to eye, and hell yes she annoys me sometimes, but i see her for what she is - just another mum whose baby is having a baby!
My mum was there for both my babies births and she will be there for this one too, if I can manage to get mil in there aswell I will be very happy.

ShowOfHands · 23/07/2012 14:33

I've been a birth partner for a friend who needed a supportive, understanding female with her.

My MIL is a very good friend and a wonderful support to me. If I were to need a female there to help me through, she's the first person I'd ask. As it is I have needed to have a cs both times and only needed dh but I think there's nothing at all wrong with it.

Sometimes ILs are quite nice.

Tiago · 23/07/2012 14:41

I'm thinking about asking my MIL to be present when I give birth. My own mother died when I was young, and my MIL is a lovely woman who might be able to help. Only 15 weeks to decide!

Not FIL though - althoguh he would run a mile anyway Grin

LolaThePregnantFlyola · 23/07/2012 14:43

Me, i had mum, DP and MIL, my Mil was perfect helped me out so much,my mum sort of shat herself in the corner and brought lots of food and DP held my hand or did whatever i asked. i had a perfect birth, couldn't have asked for better.

Having my Mil was one of the reasons it was so perfect, she helped make my birth just right and was helpful as she provided the sanity my mum seemed to lack completely Grin

She thanked me afterwards and still talks about it now when DS is 20 months because it was different (waterbirth)
She really helped, my mum was totally not how i expected (but she took lots of pictures which i love)
Not for everyone, luckily i'm close to MIL
but that's why on earth.....

RubyFakeNails · 23/07/2012 14:46

It's different strokes for different folks.

Some people are very close with their PILs.

I like to be on my own but if it's what they want. Some people have all these doulas and birthing coaches etc as well as the midwives and often numerous doctors or medical staff. Really that's a bunch of strangers as opposed to people who might find it a really meaningful and special experience to we the birth of a grandchild.

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 23/07/2012 14:51

I'm a MW and each to their own and all that but sometimes the choice of birth companion really makes me Hmm
I looked after a really young girl who had her bf's father there and taking off her bra for her epidural etc....

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 23/07/2012 14:52

But no sign of bf....

TidyDancer · 23/07/2012 15:09

I had DP and BIL there. It was pure chance, BIL ended up having to drive me to hospital and I thought for quite some time he would be the only one with me, then thankfully DP arrived.

I would definitely have my mum with me before I had my ILs, but I wouldn't actually be disappointed to have either. My ILs are good people.

TapirBackRider · 23/07/2012 16:22

Let's see - because maybe other peoples families are different?

Speaking personally - I don't have a mum. I do have an aunt (she raised me) who is a complete and utter loon; I would never have her within 100 miles of me, or my children.

I also have a SMIL. I utterly adore her, and would have her in the delivery room with me and my dh before anyone else.

BuntyCollocks · 23/07/2012 16:48

I had my mum and DH with me. I didn't want my mum up until I was going to the hospital, so it was very last minute. She was fantastic, and looked after us both. It was a traumatic birth, and I'm glad someone was there to look after DH whilst he looked after me.

mammanetta · 23/07/2012 17:25

WTF!!!!! Are you crazy????

Calabria · 23/07/2012 17:28

My MIL asked if she could be there. I would much rather have had my own mother but for several very good reasons she wasn't there. So much to her delight MIL saw her first grandchild born.

I pretty much ignored her through out the labour. Not out of malice but labour was induced so once it started it was full on and I didn't have time or inclination to interact with anyone. I do remember a mild comment about my swearing though! Grin

Not sure why she wanted to be present but as I like her and it was important to her I said yes.

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