to hate the cliquey mums where I live???

[ChiefCleanerandPickerupper]

I'm a SP but I honestly don't know if this is the issue or not, I'm 34 very independant, had a decent career before having DD partied hard, worked hard and now find myself in no mans land!

made a few friends whilst pregnant who have just wandered off in their own groups. One "friend" tagged onto me while pregnant tortured my every living moment and has now quite happily dropped me for aforementioned bitches!
I couldn't give a shit but feel sorry for DD who has no family in the area and is an only child.

basically I need to vent as I feel its like school time bullying and it fucking pisses me right off! I've got my own friends but feel like boiling a rabbit when someone excludes my child

I'm a bit scared of you tbh and this is just a forum. I know where you're coming from, but if you're the same IRL then you might be coming off as a bit aggressive. Not intentionally I'm sure, but just tone it down and I'm sure you'll make some friends.

You just have to remember that most mums want to make friends. It's in their and their childs interests.

It's cliquey here too... You can't escape it!

You do sound a bit like you think they somehow owe it to you to be friends, and to have their children be friends with yours. That could just be because you are having a vent though. How old is your daughter? Do you go to any groups or activities to meet other parents and children?

What do you mean tortured my every living moment? That doesn't sound like a friendship worth pursuing?

If none of these "bitches" warms to you then perhaps it has more to do with you than them?

So that friend should have been grateful that you tolerated her but now that shes not "torturing" you anymore you are branding all women who dont warm to your charming personality "bitches".

You have ishooos.

Don't worry about them and just carry on going to playgroups, playgrounds and parks until you find likemind mums you can connect with...and better have few friends you can trust than be 'friends' with lots of bitches.
Everything gets better once they go to nursery.
Been there..

Andyour child won't know they have been excluded if you know how to play the game

Oh dear OP

sorry may be coming across a bit agressive my DD is 3 now so have lived with it for a while!

The torturer would turn up at my house morn, noon and night to discuss pregnancy and birth and generally make me feel like all my preparations were crap! she now lives a street away from me and still turns up when ever she feels her son has no one to play with, but still doesn't include my daughter in anything she organises.

singularly they're all lovely to me, but have coffee mornings and parties without inviting DD. I have lots of friends but none of them have children yet, I always make time to speak to the clique if I see them in the street but just feel i'll always be on the outside

If it was me I would just be really honest. If you get on with them individually speak to one of the more approachable ones. Tell them your daughter doesn't have any family or brothers or sisters close by and you would really appreciate it if she could come along to the next play date / trip to zoo / party.

thank you complexo just to know there is light at the end of the tunnel!!

I like ya. Try meetup.co.uk. or com. You could start a new Mum group of your own.

Op, you could have been talking about my life few years back, and they used to badmouh me too. I am telling you, stop focusing on them and you will find other people you can be friends with, try not to know anything they are up to, don't be their friends on facebook and do classes wit your child that does ot involve them. And don't talk about them, change the subject when someone wants to talk about them.
You probably have somehing they envy and they can't stand being around you because they feel uncomfortable.

yeah thats the thing they mention nothing until its happened so you can't invite yourself along!

Why don't you host a coffee morning? Or organise a group picnic or whatever?

thanks for that I live in a small country town thats not my hometown, so its quite hard to get away from it tbh

Get a spy hole in your door, don't let her in to use you as someone to pass time with, if your not good enough the rest of the time.

I think you were given a hard time by other posters, I don't think you deserved.

The other thing to remember is that singularly they may all feel exactly the same way you do. Being a mum and losing your professional contacts and social life does things to your confidence. The clique may be nothing more than a bunch of quivering wrecks who hope everyone else doesn't hate them.

Try to stop seeing everyone as a big exclusive group. Start getting to know people who seem outside of the clique or who are less cliquey

I did spend an entire morning in bed with cbeebies on laptop and cutains closed to avoid her!
my living room window looks onto front door!

If singularly they are nice to you then don't invite you to groups maybe they think you arnt interested.

Say you are! It might be a simple as just that, ask one of the nicer ones if you could hook up for coffee.

I can't square them as ' bitches' but singularly 'nice'.

Be honest, are you a bit intimidating?

Relax, smile and it's ok to be a bit vulnerable.

I don't think I'm intimidating but I'm from a different city so maybe to them I am! I know I take no crap but I'm generally a caring person (reading these posts has made me cry)

Are you pretty and average figure?

I'm quite sure I'm alone in my feelings but...

I just don't get all this 'Mummy group' business

At 43yrs I'm clearly and old fart and totally out of the loop but when I had my 3 kids, I just...well 'had kids' I suppose.

I had no desire to find 'Mummy friends' or to befriend other pregnant women...or even to befriend people with children specifically so my kids could be forced to mix with theirs.

What's it all about and why is it so important?

mrsJREwing as average pretty as a sleep deprived SM gets and as average figure as someone who eats too many biscuits on saturday knowing weigh day is friday!

And worraliberty I hate the way it works now wish it was like when we were kids and you all just played in the street.