Another Wedding one

[Cheekysunday]

Hi Mumsnet,

New to Mumsnet but here goes :)

Recently married, but my new husband and I have had an argument so I'd love to know people points of view.

Basicly he says he was put under pressure to do the speeches early as members of my family had to tend to the stables during the reception (11 horses stabled locally to the reception, but not a business). His point was that my family knew a lot of people who were very capable of helping and that for just one day it would have been lovely for somebody to make arrangements so as not let the horses dictate the pace. In addition he was annoyed that instead of my family helping me in the morning of my wedding they were once again tending to the horses. As he and his best man weren't ready to do the speeches he considers my family somewhat rude to force the timings. AIBU for defending my family???

I just don't get why he is arguing about it now. He has expressed his opinion. The OP doesn't seemed bothered by it. That's ok too.
Did the family ask to change it last minute, like on the day?

I don't know why but I've got a rather comedic image in my mind of the OP's Mum in her Mother of the bride outfit and the rest of her family in suits and buttonholes....mucking shit out of stables between dinner courses

The OP said that she and her DH had an argument. I wonder if the argument was related to her family and that's why he brought up the wedding stuff.

Worraliberty- I'm wondering how they managed in their heels and hats too. And did they come back smelling of horse manure? All verrry strange.

mynewpassion if that's correct then I wonder why the OP hasn't mentioned the other things the family have done. If you are correct, which I suspect you might be, the fact the OP hasn't mentioned it speaks volumes. Obviously as the OP hasn't been back I am assuming the same as you.
There is more to this than something that happened on the wedding day.

Your family were terribly rude to do this. Really quite shockingly rude.

I'm with your DH and am stunned that you can't see it yourself n

Does it really matter? 99.9% of all wedding worries are trivial before the event. This is afterwards. I don't care who is being unreasonable because I think you both are for still arguing about it. It's done. Move on.

Thank you all.

I'm afraid it was one of those "tit for tat" arguement things. I'm not sure he'd have mentioned it if I'd not mentioned something else(minorish). My defense was that the horses all need different diets. He argues that with about 9 months pre wedding prep something should have been sorted out, and yes the pressure to bring it on was bought about on the day itself.

I agree with your DH.

What I want to know is did he voice any of this before the wedding or did he not say a word until after?

So your family only brought it up on the day.

Then you should have said that the wedding timings would remain as planned and they could choose to miss the speeches if they wanted to.

Your DH is perfectly right.

You sound a bit precious about the horses tbh

Agree with your dh on this and so should you. Hope your default position is not to defend your family, for the sake of matrimonial harmony, especially when they were indeed darn rude.

I'm with your Dh, they should have arraigned for someone to see to the horses for one day. My sister did for her wedding and other weddings she went to, she had to pay to have them seen to.
He may be pointing this out now, so you can see what is going on and in the hope that you don't allow them to use the horses to decide when where and how things with the family are done. In affect controlling the timing and placement things in your marriage. You are married now and need to put your family (you and Dh) before the horses.

I think your husband is right,and you (in this instance) were wrong to defend your family and their attitude.

I think acknowledging that your family were at best selfish,and at worst controlling.would go a hell of a long way to smoothing things over.

How would you have felt if your in-laws decided that you suddenly had to re-arrange the plans you both had for your wedding day to go feed their cats??Same thing.

Your family put their pets (that's what the horses are) before their daughter and her groom.I'd be bloody narked too!!

Well as it effected him on the day he should have said at the time. I presume you knew they would not be around in morning before the day.
9 months is plenty of time to sort their requirements. I have had horses my entire life and they would have been fine as long as it was planned. I am sure your family knows plenty of people able to feed them.
That's said, you are not looking at a long and happy marriage if you keep having tit for tat arguments about others actions.
Can I ask what you said?

Did you have a horse drawn carriage? If not then YABU

"Your family put their pets (that's what the horses are) before their daughter and her groom"

So they make up the feeds night before or in the morning and label them.

How early was early?

And how come he and Best Man were still preparing on the day?

YABU.

Olympicnmix,I hadn't spotted that!

I'm with your DH! Sounds as if they reckon no one else would be capable of seeing to them for just one day so that they could enjoy the wedding. And we're they really going to a yard in their glad rags to muck out feed hay and do water buckets?

I think they were incredibly rude. I'm an owner of 4 and I'd chuck out and let them deal with it. I'd also take up offers of help.

i suppose the father of bride wanted to do his speech when it suited him
which should have been sorted out at the planing stage