partner and family against me

[angel05]

hello everyone. this is my first post and need advice before i go insane! i have been with my fiance for 7years, i was 16, him 18. our daughter is 3 weeks old and was planned. we live at my mums house until we manage to sort ourselves out. basically there has been arguements that my mum has been interfering where she has just tried to help as i have basically had to do everything alone and after a complicated birth with 3litres of blood loss ive been very sick. my partner has started staying at his mums house over night now and again and they are all giving me a really hard time as i do not feel comfortable with us staying there over night as i want baby to be in her own confort zone. i just dont want her to become unsettled as she screams all night as it is as she has constipation and colic. his family are really loud aswell. everyday my partner is having a go at me over it and its really upsetting me. i said why cant we go there all day and come home in the evening but no. him and his family are saying im talking s**t i quote. sorry for such a long story. any comments would be so appreciated! xxx

i know maybe if he hears it from one of his friends he might see abit of sense but then he would go mad if i told him about it all. his mum called me earlier being very nice to me obviously not knowing he has told me what she has been saying but his family has always been rather abusive towards me and him actually.

Could you just give someone a message to convey - eg the need to be more supportive etc - and just ask them to speak to him and ask how he's doing? He could choose how much to share with them then.

As for his parents, I don't think any of us really like the sound of them. Then again, your partner shouldn't be telling you everything they say at this stage. He should be shielding you from them.

he has a go at me saying i should be on his side but hes not on mine when they are in the wrong. before baby came o stayed at his mums every weekend and put up with them just to be with him. now i do not care how much they pressure me my daughter is what matters no one else. i think i might have a word with his best friend as i should be seeing him next week. he also lives with his mil xxx

thank you lovebunny and im glad your daughter has made a nice recovery. xxx

I agree that it is hard for both parents initially. Both of you have had your lives turned upside down and sometimes you act very differently.

You say he was a good partner; the old him is still in there, but there is a load of new emotions and thoughts in his head. I don't think that excuses his poor behaviour but don't worry that he's changed for good. I know I really struggled in the first few weeks of being a dad. I bet he's feeling like a spare part at the moment because he'll be looking at you dealing with things so well and wondering where he fits in to this new family.
I think you should sit down and have a decent talk about how you are feeling and how you really need his help and support at this stage, try and encourage him to take the initiative with the baby more. And obviously get a mate in to tell him he's being a twat! Ignore his family, they are causing problems not providing solutions.

thank you nellybluth. starting to forget what a hug is xxxx

thank you so much. its so nice getting a dads point of view!!! i know his family are having such a bad influence on him. his brother and sister spend all their spare time there with their children rather than take them to the park or do anything with them and they expect us to be the same. he doesnt see anything wrong with it although its not a child friendly environment as far as myself and anyone who knows them is concerned. i have tried sitting with him and talking to him but he just says i dont know anything :-( i will keep trying. i told him not to let anything affect his relationship with baby and she clearly thinks the worls of him xxx