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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have not bought ds's teachers a present?

50 replies

Charliefarlie1192 · 20/07/2012 12:12

I feel awful but I didnt get ds's teachers a present to send in today, does anybody else not get end of year gifts?

OP posts:
msrantsalot · 20/07/2012 12:13

I didn't this year cos I didn't like the teacher. Last years teacher was lovely and got a bottle of wine.

QueenMaeve · 20/07/2012 12:15

Yanbu. Not every parent buys gifts, it's no big deal honestly, the teacher will not give it a second thought. Well I definitely wouldn't

AltruisticEnigma · 20/07/2012 12:15

I guess it depends on how much you're struggling with money at the time, how well your DC get on with their teacher and whether you get on with the teacher or not.

When I was a kid my Mum gave 1 bottle of wine and some flowers to a really nice teacher. A few of the others she got chocolates and a card and one she didn't get anything for because they pretty much demeand me all year.

Osmiornica · 20/07/2012 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scholes34 · 20/07/2012 12:37

My friend who is a teacher says presents are lovely, but what she really values is the cards.

iseenodust · 20/07/2012 12:43

I suggested to DS he made a card....and then reminded him last night. He came out with but we made a class card and gave her flowers from all of us today. So I am a bit confused and wonder if one of the TA's was behind it? To answer your question though we don't buy presents.

Shannaratiger · 20/07/2012 12:50

I don't either. I would have got my dc's to make a card, especially as ds's year R teacher is leaving. Dd is going into the 4th year with the same teacher, she'll definately deserve a present next year. Having just moved money is really tight so I'm afraid food won over presents!

Condensedmilk · 20/07/2012 12:51

Yanbu - it's entirely voluntary. Don't worry.

Northernlurker · 20/07/2012 12:52

I only buy at the end of the summer. I didn't have much time or money or inspiration this year so bought both the same. Small box of extremely posh chocolates and both dcs wrote cards. I'm syre dd3's reception teacher appreciated the card that dd wrote entirely by herself more than anything else I could have given her. (Dd has really struggled with writing)

BabeRuthless · 20/07/2012 14:20

I've just given card & put bookmarks in them. Ds' teachers have been brilliant but we're pretty skint at the moment. Instead I've written personal messages in the cards thanking each teacher for everything they've done for my son (he has autism & the teaching staff are fantastic with him). I also figured that they must have boxes of chocolates etc coming out of their ears at the moment & a nice message might mean just as much.

molepom · 20/07/2012 14:24

Nope.

CadleCrap · 20/07/2012 14:33

As a teacher, presents are lovely but not expected - I would never think poorly of a child or parent because they hadn't given me anything for doing my job.

However, I have kept every card/note where a child has written a real message (ie not one dictated by parents) in it.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 20/07/2012 14:37

I'd say about 7 children got DD's teacher a present today, more gave to DS's teacher but she is leaving the school so it was a bit more of a goodbye.

We baked and gave them boxes of cakes

maillotjaune · 20/07/2012 14:40

YANBU. I do sometimes, but did a present at Christmas and since then DS2 seems to have had an explosion of teachers in his class (not even he can keep count and he is properly anal about this kind of thing).

Homemade (by children) card with their own personal message, written voluntarily and a big thank you!

difficultpickle · 20/07/2012 14:42

We normally do and ds gave presents to reading teacher, school nurse, office staff, kitchen staff (plus separate present for the cook). Didn't give a present to his teacher as she was utterly dreadful and one of the reasons ds is moving schools.

steppemum · 20/07/2012 14:50

totally agree with cadlecrap, its the cards and comments that count.

I wrote a card when their reports came home, and dcs wrote their own cards for today.

If I didn't like the teacher I would have got dc to do thank you cards, but not written anything from me.

my kids did take in presents, small homemade things they made themselves. I have 3 kids. Teachers plus TA mean 6 adults. That is a lot of money, and i certainly wouldn't do it if I hadn't been happy with the teacher.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 20/07/2012 14:51

No, I can't afford it. DS drew a card each for his teacher and teaching assistant and wrote a message in each. I also wrote a note to the head saying how good the teaching staff have been and how my DS has improved this year due to them. I was gobsmacked at the amount of presents I saw this morning, especially as it's not a particularly affluent area. I'm so in the wrong job.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 20/07/2012 14:52

YANBU, there shouldnt be any pressure to do so.

The dses decorated White tiles drinks coasters with porcelain pen paints. Really personal with teachers name on and stuff and didn't cost much to do.

lowfatiscrap12 · 20/07/2012 15:03

No. The teacher pissed me off beyond belief this year, so she's getting nothing. I've given presents in previous years though.

KenLeeeeeee · 20/07/2012 15:08

YANBU. I've never bought the teachers a present and I resent the expectation to do so. If a teacher has made an exceptional difference to my child, then yeah I'd be very happy to give a thank you card. Otherwise they're just doing their job (albeit a stressful job before any teacher MNers shout at me ).

Anyway, DS2's teacher was a total waste of space this year and has really held him back in his reading and writing, so I am not even vaguely inclined to buy her a gift.

Ithinkitsjustme · 20/07/2012 15:15

The ONLY time I have ever bought a present for a teacher has been when my kids have asked if they can. Once when my DS2 was in yr 2 and he wanted to give his teacher a teddy bear, and this year when my DS3 wanted to buy his maths sets teacher something. I found it quite amusing when he told me that he had had to "sneak past" his "proper teachers" classroom in case she saw him, but in fairness his maths teacher has done wonders this year. I would have been surprised if he had achieved his level 4 target (end of key stage 2), he has been struggling at a low level 3, but he got a level 5 and was SO proud of himself. His confidence is higher than it has ever been, and she definitely deserved some recognition of that fact.

In my opinion, YANBU to not give a present to anyone for doing their job.

Zhaghzhagh · 20/07/2012 15:57

Of course YANBU. This is a recent and stupid fad. Teachers are doing their job, like most of us.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 20/07/2012 16:04

Teachers don't expect it.

BabeRuthless · 20/07/2012 16:15

Teachers are doing a job, but the good ones do so much more than "a job". I know my sons teacher has stayed till 6pm writing reports to get him the extra help he needs. We leave our children with them & entrust them with teaching them reading, writing etc. I'm not saying that there aren't bad teachers, or teachers who just phone it in but when you get a genuinely great teacher who puts so much of themselves into helping your child there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that.

Zhaghzhagh · 20/07/2012 16:25

BabeR. I too sometimes have to stay at my work till very late - just because I have. Lots of us have to do that. I am not a teacher.

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