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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have not bought ds's teachers a present?

50 replies

Charliefarlie1192 · 20/07/2012 12:12

I feel awful but I didnt get ds's teachers a present to send in today, does anybody else not get end of year gifts?

OP posts:

snowball3 · 20/07/2012 16:50

I did receive gifts this year ( I'm a year 6 teacher so probably get more than most!) But the presents have all been put away now, it's the cards and notes from the children that are on display ( and remain there all summer until I start again with my next class ) and it's the handshakes and hugs from parents that I will treasure.

FallenCaryatid · 20/07/2012 16:54

I love the cards, I have some with messages written by parents that I've kept for 20 years or more, tucked away in odd places to be rediscovered and make me smile.
No one needs to buy gifts and no one should feel bad about it.
But I don't understand the anger and kerfuffle around those that do want to give a present, it only seems to be a primary school thing in most cases.

FallenCaryatid · 20/07/2012 16:58

'BabeR. I too sometimes have to stay at my work till very late - just because I have'

I think you underestimate the close and personal relationship that can develop between a teacher, a child and a parent. BabeR was talking about someone who had worked with her to get her child the support he needed to do well. Who had worked out of hours to do so, crafting careful words to ensure that the recipient truly understood what was required. It makes a difference.
Not just someone who stayed late because they felt like it.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 20/07/2012 17:28

I feel very emotional about the teachers and CAs who did their jobs in such a way as to encourage my child to do their best and feel good about themselves. And they had to try and do the same for every child in their class. So to me, that's a bit more than just working long hours.

littlemissbroody26 · 20/07/2012 17:34

yanbu

I am a teacher and I find the pressies a bit much, I tutor 1 to 1 so i'm a bit more involved with the family than a class teacher would be, at christmas I got given 60 pounds of vouchers from one family, thats more than I spend on anyone at christmas!

I do love the cards/drawings/notes. I need a bigger fridge to put them on!

DontEatTheVolesKids · 20/07/2012 17:40

Mostly don't, I think it's a bit silly.

Wednesday DS's teacher phoned me from a trip DS was on, DS being his usual difficult self & the teacher genuinely trying to do best by DS. I quite like this teacher; that's when I cracked, went & bought the teacher a voucher-card.

Felt bad to leave out DD's teacher, impulsively bought one for him too & then DD had a teary panic this morning about getting a gift for her teacher & TA so it was handy to pull out something to keep her sweet. She wrote a sincere note.

lakeofshiningwaters · 20/07/2012 17:48

Another teacher here who cherishes the pictures, cards and handwritten messages, and would be more than happy not to receive presents.

Jamienandtheolympictorch unfortunately I've worked with quite a few teachers who get really competitive about who gave them what, certainly do expect presents and start dropping hints about their favourite chocolates etc very early in the school year. One teacher I worked with recently used to make sure the children knew when her birthday was, and always did a letter writing lesson early December modelling a letter to Father Christmas, including all the things she would like from the children . Used to make my blood boil

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 20/07/2012 17:58

lake

That's terrible!

LittleMoosh · 20/07/2012 18:17

YANBU. My eldest is going into year 6 in September and I've never got any of this teachers a present. In fact it's the first time this year i've got them a card. They are there to do a job, for which they get paid. You don't need to buy them presents, in fact IMO I think it's inappropriate.

Craftymoo · 20/07/2012 18:30

Yanbu. One of the most lovely presents I got today was a little chap who said "my present to you is that I will behave myself all day!". That made me grin- and he stuck to it!

nailak · 20/07/2012 18:44

ime it is not recent, My mum is a teacher and I can remember being in primary school and my mum recieving presents. This year she got 14 presents. No horses, just choccies.

Hulababy · 20/07/2012 18:51

I don't understand why you feel awful...you chose not to, which is fine, so don't worry about it.

I am a TA these days (was a teacher) and got gifts from about half the class. I sent thank you notes to those who did. But I sent every single child home with a gift from myself regardless, and I gave them all a hug goodbye. I don't feel bad towards anyone who didn't send me a gift - not it the slightest.

Hulababy · 20/07/2012 18:54

It definitely is not a new or recent thing though. Presents were given at my primary school and that was back in the mid 70s. And that was just a typically average first school in Yorkshire.

IndigoBell · 20/07/2012 19:10

Damn. You mean if I deliberately didn't send in a gift or card or say thank you because I wasn't happy - the teacher won't even notice?

SauvignonBlanche · 20/07/2012 19:12

YANBU, I fucking hated DDs last 2 teachers and wouldn't have bought them anything but DD wanted to.
This year's teacher got a gushing letter as she was ace!

Badgercub · 20/07/2012 19:39

Presents are nice but I prefer cards with little messages.

I couldn't tell you which parents didn't get me a present this year, it's certainly not something I expect.

sheepsgomeeping · 20/07/2012 19:45

I didnt give a present this year either and I did feel bad about it. I am broke at the moment and I felt terriblewatching the other mums carrying wine, pot plants, mugs etc but I did make a point of saying thank you, you are appreciated etc. Dd2s teacher said that she appreciates a thank you just as much if not more than a gift which was nice

holyfishnets · 20/07/2012 20:13

I didn't bother in 2010 as the teacher was awful but otherwise Ds and I like to show some form of thanks.

KittyFane1 · 20/07/2012 20:57

DD's school PTA had an end of term cake bake for the teachers organised by some very enthusiastic mums. They will keep the teachers in cake all summer long! :o

TheOldestCat · 20/07/2012 21:05

When my mother was teaching, one year she got given three large containers of antifreeze!

Unexpected, but useful.

alphabite · 20/07/2012 21:07

When I was a teacher I honestly didn't mind who got me presents or even if I didn't get any.

My nicest thing was a card I got from a parent saying such lovely things about how their child had grown in confidence in my class etc. It was so nice it made me cry and it's something I'll treasure.

Other nice things have been unusual things like a box of a dozen eggs (farming child) and a big bag of home grown apples.

lemonpie7 · 20/07/2012 21:36

I hate getting presents at the end of the year, or at Christmas. Many presents go into the skip anyway, because some schools ban teachers from keeping them.

I love cards and notes. Only if they are scincere, not just because it is "done" typically about 10% of the cards or notes I get are genuine.

LucieMay · 20/07/2012 21:41

I don't because I don't agree with material goods representing gratitude. Ds is in yr one and his teacher has been fantastic in many ways and I have told her so face to face many times and thanked her. That is worth more to me than some token gift.

BabeRuthless · 20/07/2012 21:44

It's up to the individual what they do. I saw some ridiculous bouquets this morning but I just wanted to do something that showed I do appreciate everything they do. End of the year is the perfect time to do that. Its a totally personal thing.

cheeseslovesme · 20/07/2012 22:48

I have a friend who is a teacher. She needs a bin bag for all the gifts she receives. Most of them get recycled, her DH has the chocs her mum gets the flowers, she gives some of the others to her family/friends for birthdays christmas she just keeps the expensive ones. So i wouldnt worry about it.

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