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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel upset/abandoned because a guy I used to chat to everyday for nine months has stopped answering my emails

27 replies

LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 21:05

I do not understand why he has gone. I have been told he moved back to the USA from where he was when we were chatting. I suspected he might stop chatting to em when his business finished in the other country but now it has happened I feel hurt. I don't understand why and peoople can be cruel that way. He seemed so caring but nothing from him and I know he is online sometimes..

I don find it hard to move on from things, this isn't the first time I have been left hence the use of the word 'abandoned'. It hurts more than it should but I did have silly fantasies about meeting him etc

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 21:06

Not heard from him for eight weeks.

OP posts:
Frontline · 19/07/2012 21:06

He's probably married

Original poster
LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 21:09

he told me he is divorced. I did Google him and found something he had written about his wife. I think he lied. Crazy after all that time...Why always m? Always used... Spent hours chating to him. he cannot even be botherdd to reply to my two emails I sent him. cunt

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 19/07/2012 21:13

Well you're best of out of it then!!

Original poster
LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 21:16

Yes I am dfinately. What saddens me the most is it is yet another example of me believing a guy online and they turning out to be a lying piece of scum. Pity his wife :( She deserves better.

OP posts:
cheeseslovesme · 19/07/2012 21:19

Yep, sounds like he is married, and does not want his wife to know how friendly you both were. I agree with MammaTJ... Move on.

kinkyfuckery · 19/07/2012 21:19

Unfortunately he sounds like he may be married or otherwise taken. Perhaps his wife found out.

Unfortunately thus is the nature of the internet. You never quite know who you are talking to.

whois · 19/07/2012 21:20

People can be anyone and anythIng they choose online. Part of the allure, part of the danger.

Don't be too trusting with people you have only met on line! There's a good chance the dashing 30 year old single doctor turns out to be an obese 60 year old unemployed wife beater with 10 children by 10 different women!

So YAB a bit U to be so trusting. But not U to be upset.

DowagersHump · 19/07/2012 21:22

There are some very good tips on here somewhere about internet dating. One of the golden rules is that you shouldn't correspond for ages without meeting someone. That's how you avoid people like this bloke.

He was a fantasy I'm afraid - he wasn't the person you thought he was :(

I'd have a look and read the threads - they're very good.

Original poster
LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 21:26

He was in Asia. I am so confused. I guess if I met him he would still lie and I would still feel like this, possibly worse. Can one trust anybody these days aside from lovely MNetters x

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 19/07/2012 21:33

Were you looking for love when you started chatting? As has been said it's easy to invest your feelings in a fantasy, when you havn't met face to face.

If you're looking for a partner online then meet up asap so you don't waste precious time on the kind of guy you've just been burned by.

Chin up, OP. There are some good ones out there :)

Original poster
LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 21:33

I feel ao angry because I have possibly been involved in some kind of emotional affair without my knowledge! Tainting my principles and feelings. How fucking dare he? Cheating in any form is unacceptable in most cases I am so against it, he knew this! Yuck.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 19/07/2012 21:37

Be angry, have a shout and a cry and maybe a Wine and then say to yourself 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and know that you wont fall for that again.

Yes? :)

MammaTJ · 19/07/2012 21:42

Bless you, but how fucking dare he is the way to go!

I have to say, not all people you meet online are like that, I have been with DP for 7 1/2 years and he is alright I suppose Grin

Just be careful and check. I got my DPs surname, home address, home phone no, checked with directory enq that they matched. He was ex dir, but got told, rather than no such name at that address that 'I cannot give that number'.

Original poster
LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 21:45

I'm going to buy some wine and get drunk. I haven't for years,I prefer cake :)

Which wine can you recommend for me?

I do feel anger very slightly towards him

WHAT A LYING TOSSER

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 19/07/2012 21:49

Jack Daniels type wine Blush

With splash of ginger ale Grin

BlueMoon74 · 19/07/2012 21:51

I feel your pain. I chatted every day to a guy online in the States ('met' on FB via a real friend!) ...literally he was my soulmate. We were planning to meet up etc, probably spent the best part of 4+hrs a day speaking to him! Out of the blue (won't bore you with the story leading up to it though) he cut me off. After 14 months. LIterally..disappeared out of my life. This was 2.5 yrs years ago. I can still feel the pain now. Who knows why ppl do this? I just try to reason that I have my memories! But I would love to know the real truth. It's that 'not knowing' that's the killer.

feel for you - just because it was online, doesn't mean it wasn't real. Lots of wine - and unfortunately a shit load of time :(

On a happier note, 2 years ago I met my darling DH! :D And we're as happy as anything! he's real, he's there...If your online man was meant to me, he'd be there still - you have to believe in the universe. I believe 'fantasy man' prepared me for my DH!

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2012 21:54

Can one trust anybody these days aside from lovely MNetters x

I don't trust MNetters either...I mean I'm one for a start! Grin

Sorry this has happened to you OP. I'm sure you'll meet someone nice and trustworthy one day.

He'll be worth the wait.

Original poster
LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 21:54

I have never heard of JD with ginger ale :) I love JD that sounds nice.

Did you disagree on something important at any time? He may have been in prison?

This isn't the first time this has happened to me. Is why I blame myself as it has happened a lot, in reality too.

WHY IS LIFE SO HARD AND LONELY?

How does one believe in the universe?

OP posts:
LentillyFart · 19/07/2012 21:59

Believing in the universe is not all that hard. It's all around you for a start. Perhaps invest some time in stuff you can see and make judgement on face to face?

Frontline · 19/07/2012 22:02

9 months abd you never googled ?!

fluffyraggies · 19/07/2012 22:03

Try it Grin

I was wondering about prison as well tbh.

OP i know it's not quite in the same league but i was dumped by a 'email friend' last year. We met through a lighthearted online support group, met up once and then chatted by email nearly every day for a year. We talked about our DCs and DDHs and life in general. Really poured over some emotional stuff. 'Specially on her part. Then over a few days she dwindled and stopped. That was it. Nothing.

I was :( and a bit confused. It does feel like you're in limbo at first.

Original poster
LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 22:07

No Frontline I wanted to believe what he was saying to me. We skyped sometimes too. Bastard.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 22:08

How can we trust anybody? I have been hurt over and over and over again. :( No wonder I isolated myself then I open up to internet gu and he a liar too.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 19/07/2012 22:12

Maybe you need to find a middle ground, OP. Somewhere between trusting and opening up - and being isolated.

Sorry to hear you've been hurt often. But don't shut yourself away :)