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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this bother you? Thank yous for gifts - cards for expensive presents and texts for cheaper ones

33 replies

groundcontroltomajortom · 19/07/2012 19:12

A family member has done this a couple of times now.

One was for a wedding present and the other a christening one.

Basically - she's sent me a text thanking me both times for our gift (I think the wedding gift was worth about £20 and the christening one about £10). Which ok, fair enough, it's nice to have a card but any kind of thank you is nice.

But I've found out that she's sat down and written cards to those people who spent more on the gifts - so both times my Mum and Dad have been given cards for their more expensive gifts. My brother was given a card for their wedding gift (expensive) but a text for the teddy they gave as a christening gift.

Is this perfectly alright? I just feel a bit... I don't know...poor relation I guess. But I'm happy to be told AIBU, really, it's not a major issue!

OP posts:
Shesparkles · 19/07/2012 19:13

Yes it bloody well would bother me! It's not about the cost of a gift, despite what your rude relative thinks!

Catsmamma · 19/07/2012 19:15

I would presume she is responding in kind. The younger things who are attached to their phones get text messages so they get them promptly and the older generation get cards....cos they only use their phones for emergency calls.

GhostShip · 19/07/2012 19:15

Personally everyone should have got a text from me because I think cards are of fashioned and wasteful.

But she's been bloody cheeky, either one for all or none at all

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 19/07/2012 19:15

I think you might be making assumptions.

Maybe she sends cards to people she thinks need that sort of formality. Maybe she ran out of Thankyou cards so resorted to text.

It wouldn't bother me. As long as I know someone received a gift, I'm not fussed

Original poster
groundcontroltomajortom · 19/07/2012 19:18

Thank you! Such a selection of answers.

OP posts:
Viperidae · 19/07/2012 19:19

It wouldbother me too. I could accept cards for older relatives who may not use mobiles and texts for others but not based on cost.

RuleBritannia · 19/07/2012 19:22

GhostShip Cards might cost a bit but are not wasteful really. If you cannot afford them, why not write a short letter on a piece of paper. Oh, you won't be able to afford the envelope and stamp!

Wasteful? Perhaps your donors will find it wasteful to bother to give you anything.

OneHandFlapping · 19/07/2012 19:24

It wouldn't bother me. Any kind of thank you would be fine for me, including verbal. Don't look for offense where none was probably intended.

Kaluki · 19/07/2012 19:28

Now I'm a bit worried here:-
I am super hot on thank you cards usually.
This year for his birthday ds2 got a phone and I let him text his thank yous to everyone who has a phone !
I hope I haven't offended my whole family Confused

GhostShip · 19/07/2012 19:29

rulebrittania have I upset you or something? Because my post didn't really warrant your snotty reply.

And of course i can afford paper and a stamp but I don't usually communicate via paper so why would I to say thankyou? It seems a bit weird.

Original poster
groundcontroltomajortom · 19/07/2012 19:31

Kaluki, I think that's fine! It's just the tiered system that I was questioning.

I appreciate cards are a pain in the arse to do. It was also a pain in the arse for me to choose a present both times, wrap them and take them to the post office.

Genuinely not meaning to be sarcastic or arsey here, but do you think in future I could just ask for her bank details and transfer money to her account?

OP posts:
Kaluki · 19/07/2012 19:36

I suppose that as long as gifts are acknowledged and thanked for then how it is done isn't so important!
I think it should be the same method for all gifts though.

littlebluechair · 19/07/2012 19:47

I think that's really naff, but I am a fan of thank you cards/letters generally.

I guess she may be splitting it formal/informal rather than on monetary value - or is she the type to be a bit snotty that way?

RuleBritannia · 19/07/2012 20:14

GhostShip

I suggest you start a Christmas wish list with a book on etiquette. Many available from Amazon at reasonable prices modern ones too.

Having said that, I'll now have to get one for myself, won't I? Thought I'd get that one in before you did!.

As someone on another thread said, it is reassuring to know that a gift arrived and was well received.

smoggii · 19/07/2012 20:18

I was thinking it might be cards for older relatives/friends and texts to those she feels comfortable with.

doublecakeplease · 19/07/2012 20:24

Very rude - we sent personalised cards to everyone who have ds a gift when he was born - some have expensive presents, some have socks, some handmedowns from their children. Everyone got the same thanks!

GhostShip · 19/07/2012 20:56

rulebrittania terribly pedantic of me but I'd like to point out that I don't do 'wishlists' as I'm thankful for anything I get.

You saying that suggests you think me rude. I can assure you I am far far from it. I make sure I thank everyone for anything I get no matter how small, I just don't put pen to paper. I speak face to face, over the phone or via text if it's a close friend.

So don't try to put me down. Thanks!

Pagwatch · 19/07/2012 21:00

If you are certain that the dividing line is not something else - like sending a thank you in the format the recipient would most likely prefer - then yes, I would be fucked off.

Dividing upon the amount spent would be churlish and small minded.

kinkyfuckery · 19/07/2012 21:02

What kind of relative is she?

Original poster
groundcontroltomajortom · 19/07/2012 21:23

first cousin, kinky

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 19/07/2012 21:30

I don't send cards, although I do send a text to say thanks, or a phone call to those who do not text. So I don't think its particularly rude. Unless you're certain its down to the cost of presents, rather than her thinking close friends wouldn't mind a txt, or shes run of cards or something.

SilkySmith · 19/07/2012 21:33

I don't think I'ld make any sort of connection, If a cousin text me but sent a card to my mum I'ld imagine that they were being more formal with her because she was older?

unless the sender has actually SAID that she has this criteria, I wouldn't over think it and just be glad to have any thank you, so many people don't bother

whois · 19/07/2012 21:38

I don't think a text per se is U. However differentiating on cost is U. Although sometimes I will write/send a card to older or more distant relatives, but email my aunt and ring or text my brother. Different medium for different expectations, not based on cost.

DumSpiroSpero · 19/07/2012 21:45

If that's definitely the reason, then yanbu and she's bloody rude, however...

...I send texts to people who have posted gifts so they know asap that they've arrived safely, they may or may not get a written thank you too (tbh I tend to write them then totally forget to post the bloody things) Blush.

kinkyfuckery · 19/07/2012 21:45

Maybe she's pissed that you didn't come to her wedding, or her baby's Christening?

I'd actually be much more likely to send a proper card to my aunt/uncle than my cousin tbh. Unless I was planning on sending to everyone (which is probably not likely to happen Blush) my cousin's would probably get a text/FB message.