Just had the bizarrest playdate

[BertieBotts]

Friend of DS's from nursery's mum asked us over for lunch today after nursery. The boys are just under 4 so I was invited too (and she made this clear), however, she only made food for them and didn't offer me anything. We spent the whole time sitting outside drinking tea and smoking, which, okay, I know isn't great but I don't object to as such. Then her partner just lit up a huge and rather strong smelling joint with the children playing just feet away. I had no idea what to say, so I said nothing and just sat there feeling very uncomfortable. They even offered me some to which I said no thanks, I don't ever do stuff like that around my child.

...I just... what?? Is this what people do? It's not normal behaviour, is it? And I wouldn't be unreasonable to never let DS play there ever again? I can't quite believe I didn't say anything at the time, but I just had no idea how to handle it.

Bizarre! I mean, would anyone crack open a can of lager whilst looking after 3 year olds?

yanbu about the drugs near children

manicbmc a can of lager? erm yes i would

It's difficult isn't it, especiallay as a guest in their house? I think you did the right thing and will be doing the right thing in future now knowing what you know.

Ok I've posted before about how DH an I are rather big fans of weed. However, if its someone you don't know he would never do this, I'd probably make a joke about and gauge the situation but he would never do this without knowing you would be OK with it first. I think you handled it well as if its an issue that makes you uncomfortable its probably better just to bow out silently than make a big deal when you don't plan on them playing together again.

And of course I would crack open the lager. It's not normally 10 minutes into a playdate before I'm offering out the wine.

If you've invited someone round, that you don't know well, for a playdate?

At a barbeque, fair enough or something like that, social drinking/spliff setting - not around a stranger and her child.

Something similar happened to me recently - I went to the house of a new friend and she sparked up a joint and started smoking it out the window (as it was pissing down so she couldn't go outside). I was shocked and I won't ever go to her house again. To be honest I wouldn't go to the house of someone who smoked an ordinary cigarette out the window because I hate the smell.

IMO anyone beyond the age of about 21 who still smokes weed, especially during the day, and most especially around children, is a bit of loser and definitely not worth knowing.

I was just really shocked by it. I must have lived a sheltered life

I think caning a spliff is kind of different to a can of lager or glass of wine.

I too am pretty prejudiced against anyone over 25 still getting boxed especially when they've got children. But that's not to say I am right Ing judgy judgy prejudice.

However, on a playdate, it's kind of weird to do that.

You have to feel sorry for their child really.

some folk are simply oblivious. I went into someone's house, a friend of my then partner. We had no kids but she had 3 and was pregs with no.4.

We are all having a coffee and she slips a packet from behind the cooker and starts chopping up lines of coke!

I was young at the time in many ways, but had lived in London for a bit and was more than startled. I could have been anyone?

It was in the Canary Islands and I found out later that pretty much everyone was at it. I remained in the "not at it" camp (rather lonely but hey) the entire time.

I think the parents smoking spliffs of an afternoon are twats. Self indulgent twats at that. Possibly not bad parents but could do with sharpening up their act a bit.

It's a pretty strange thing to do on a playdate tbh.

If you want to smoke weed in your house with your husband, well I guess that's up to you but surely you don't offer it to someone who has bought their dc over for lunch??

Unless this is the done thing now? My DCs are teenagers, when we used to have playdates the strongest thing I was ever offered was coffee?!

I agree that its a bit naff once you're over 25, and as for round children?? Weird.

lola Which Island was it?! I lived in Tenerife for many years and has DS there - I know (well was given the impression!) lot's of people did take coke but never around children - or me as they know I don't do drugs.

I would find that strange tbh - just not something I would have thought people would do infornt of people they didn't know 'well'' iyswim?

Just remembered I've seen worse. I was at a house party thrown by my much older, very well educated colleagues whose daughter (aged 17) was also there. Late on in the night, another colleagues asks the daughter if she has any

Youarekidding was in Fuerteventura. DD was born in Puerto Rosario. The Spanish like coke, what can I say. It was the early 90's. I would say where we were was not as over developed as other places. many people were still looking for a very laid back alternative life style. which means taking drugs without anyone breathing down yer neck, grow your own, deal loads and just be very "whatever" about it.
They thought I was uptight. But then I do still have my septum. Many I know don't

I think i would have remembered something urgent and left. smoking cigs is bad enough but a spliff is just not something i want to be around let alone my children. what children experience becomes normal to them.

Normalizing cannabis is not clever and not grown up at all. Not folk I would be going out of my way to spend time with.

Exacty smellingthecoffee - I don't want to normalise it at all. Their DS is starting at a different school in September so that will limit the amount of contact they have but I worry a bit that they will start inviting me/us/DS round more and while I don't mind meeting up in a park or somewhere occasionally, I really don't want him around this kind of thing.

So now I have a dilemma, do I make excuses or just be straight and say I feel uncomfortable with it?

You know what? Say it. They may not have a clue so perhaps you might be doing them a favour. It can be said in a way that doesn't sound horrid or mean. If they are forthright in their behaviour, it is only reasonable to voice your opinion. And that is what it is, an opinion. People make their life style choices but yours are just as valid.
Did that make any sense?

bit strange to do that in front of people you dont know.

Im quite partial to the odd smoke, but its not really something to do at a playdate with a stranger

Well if it were me I wouldn't want my children or me to be put in that situation again. so I would be declining all invitations. whether you give a reason depends upon how well you think they will take what in effect will be a criticism of their lifestyle and parenting.

Another that agrees it is lame after early 20s and I am in my early 20s! I would be very uncomfortable, esp after spending loads of time with stoners and realising how deluded they often are about it all.

I would have left if I could have.

Not such a clear cut one for me this. I know otherwise very respectable and responsible parents who smoke dope with their kids around (while outside) and I think people usually over-react to drugs in general. On the other hand, despite this, I don't think it says the best thing about a fully grown adult that they smoke dope at all, let alone while looking after kids. I wouldn't do it.

So on reflection, I'd probably ignore it if I knew the people well and trusted them, but would not expose my kids to dope smokers who we're strangers ISWIM.