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Original poster

being referred to at work by colleague as MY GIRL?

51 replies

jaabaar · 19/07/2012 11:02

Hi,

Femal Colleague is calling me on the phone to suppliers: I will tell my Girl to do this and that! I am 42! and not she is not my boss! I am in the company for over 10 years!

??

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Latara · 19/07/2012 11:35

a) tell manager 'it's strange but i never get any emails about the projects we are doing - i wonder if X keeps forgetting to copy me in - please can you remind her to do this'

b) don't delete your inbox or sent mail (evidence)

c) go to colleague - say 'you clearly have control freak issues but we have to work together so in future i expect to be copied into ALL emails..'

d) be pleasant, professional & nice to odd colleague even if it kills you always offer to make her a cuppa if you're having tea; basically if she starts to like you it will be harder for her to be nasty (unless she's a total bitch, in which case - good luck!).

e) if none of that works - then do a CV & start searching for other jobs - it's not worth messing up your health over these people.

GrimmaTheNome · 19/07/2012 11:36

Sounds like you need to be more assertive with her.

If she's mailing people within your company and failing to copy you, perhaps you could quietly ask them to ensure that if they think you should be on the CC list to forward and include you thereafter. Another solution to this is that if there are certain projects which should always include a defined group of people, then a mail grouping (not sure of correct terminology) could be set up.

cocolepew · 19/07/2012 11:38

If she isnt your superior why are you letting her get away with it ? Even if she was your boss you shouldn't stand for it.

cocolepew · 19/07/2012 11:40

When she is sitting down walk past and say "my girl?" with this look Hmm. I love giving looks

Original poster
jaabaar · 19/07/2012 11:53

Stealth: She is not my boss and not my supervisor. She just likes to know everything. When GDO calls me and talks to me and she does not know what it is all about she says she needs to be aware of EVERYTHING as she will look stupid if he asks her something about it (which he never).

I have tried a few months ago, after a huge insult where she said everything I do is wrong ( I have an excellent reputation in my company for over 10 years).
That my standard has gone down the drain since I had a baby. I have always tried to reassure the younger ones comign to this office not to take her to heart, everyone was leaving very demoralised, with all their confidence destroyed. She calls people idxxts, worthless etc etc.

She is only attacking me since past 2 years as my boss left (she is not my boss though). She things I am now her "Girl".....

I have asked for a meeting after a huge bust up with her. Bosses agreed to meet me wihthout her and asked if I wanted a meeting with her to tell her everyting myself. I said of course, no problem. The meeting never happened as she said she is too busy........

OP posts:
Original poster
jaabaar · 19/07/2012 11:54

I have tried many times, she can get away with murder. Even some supplier companies had threaten to sue our company due to her behaviour!

OP posts:
Original poster
jaabaar · 19/07/2012 11:54

I am very tired

OP posts:
LookBehindYou · 19/07/2012 11:57

Jaabaar, did you tell them that she would never agree to a meeting?

Sarcalogos · 19/07/2012 12:00

Go back to your bosses! Don't let yourself be worn down by this shit!

Original poster
jaabaar · 19/07/2012 12:05

LookBehindYou:
She told them (the bosses) that she is too busy and anyways it is in the past now.
Everybody in the office knows the attitude including all the bosses who agree with me on every single thing!
I told them, if I or anyone else in the office is again being bullied (there are many more things she does which I will not bother to write down) I will take it further. and I will.
I am just getting very tired and depressed.

And yes in order to keep the peace I make her tea EVERY morning.

Since I was denied to have a meeting with her and bosses to say what I think, I just feel in a black hole. That really got to me.

NOBODY likes working with her, talking to her, or anything with her.

She seats with my other colleague and tells her how she is justified to shout at everybody. It is mental!

OP posts:
Original poster
jaabaar · 19/07/2012 12:07

THank you to everyone for all the good advise, I have unfortuantely tried most of it without success.

Have to take the courage and do my CV......
then there is the question of company might close down in about a year. Shall I stay for redundancy money having worked over 10 years?
Anyway that is another question again.

Just thank you all, I feel better now, may you all have a wonderful day and be blessed for the time you have taken to answer.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 19/07/2012 12:07

She sounds like a huge bully. I am struggling to understand what hold she has on you all and your bosses. TBH I'd be looking for a new job, it sounds like a crap place to work and extremely badly managed.

StealthPolarBear · 19/07/2012 12:08

x post hmm redundancy important but so's your mental health. Surely it would just take one person to stand up to her! Tell me where you work and I'll come and do it!"

Floggingmolly · 19/07/2012 12:08

I have to copy my e-mails to her... She's a colleague??
Just say no, they're none of your business... I can't believe people really allow themselves to be treated like this Shock

Latara · 19/07/2012 12:09

I can definitely understand that a crappy bitchy person would make you feel tired & fed up - she needs sorting out & fast.

Before you do what i did with a bitchy 2-faced colleague - totally losing it & shouting 'you fucking bitch i know you've been bitching about me for years, you can't lie because i've heard it myself so admit it!!' in front of the manager was NOT my best moment.... although said colleague then had no choice but to admit it; & made herself look very bad indeed.

So yes, don't leave it until you actually stand up & scream 'You Fucking Bitch' but it is very satisfying to do that :)

Latara · 19/07/2012 12:14

Actually you could say, ''ok, i'll just get my Bitch to sort that out for you.. oh sorry, i meant my lovely colleague'' Grin

If she says she's justified to shout, & gets away with it - then you are obviously allowed to speak to her like shit!
Which could be fun...

Latara · 19/07/2012 12:15

And do forget to copy her into emails - if she complains then big smile & 'oh sorry i forgot'.

sugarice · 19/07/2012 12:29

This woman sounds foul and has already ground you and everyone else down by the sound of it. Stop making her tea in the morning for starters , tell her to get off her fat arse and do it herself !.

Do you think you could stand another year waiting for possible redundancy? get your CV up to date and look elsewhere for a job as it seems as if she has the run of the place and no one is prepared to stand up to her. It's astonishing that she can carry on like this.

BupcakesandCunting · 19/07/2012 12:36

STOP making her tea and STOP allowing her to treat you like her subordinate! By doing her tea, you are letting her be your superior. This is not an equal-footing work relationship.

Don't worry though, you can salvage it. Next time she mentions tea smile and say "Yes thanks, milk one sugar" and next time she calls you "my girl" smile and say "As much as I like the fact that you think I'm young enough to be referred to as a girl, I am actually 42 so I am a woman and I'm not actually yours" Then do your sweetest smile so she's not sure if you're being a cunt or not. Always rattles 'em, that does.

ImperialBlether · 19/07/2012 13:13

Gah! Wrote a long reply and lost it.

You have to tackle this. Don't leave this company now - why should you?

Speak to this woman re "my girl."

Don't make tea for anyone who isn't making it for you - it reinforces her belief that you are her junior. If necessary, don't drink tea for as long as it takes. Drink water instead.

Don't cc her on emails that are nothing to do with her.

If she doesn't cc you, email her and cc your boss.

Take her to task every single time. Be polite but don't give an inch.

Sarcalogos · 19/07/2012 13:43

Be assertive in emails to her if it is too hard to do it to her face. Every time you email her cc her boss.

If she replies even slightly unproffesionally find a way to reply and CC her boss.

Your managers know what she is like but they are weak, you need to creat a situation where they are FORCED to deal with it. So keep shoving her rudeness in their faces.

I would start with a polite 'reminder' about the appropriate way to speak about colleagues. If you are not normally senior enough to send this type of mail ask your boss if you can do it on their behalf. And then start the email - a quick reminder from X....

Let the people you know and trust in on WHY you are doing this stuff, get them to do it too. People tend to be braver when they know people are working together.

Through everything remain relentlessly polite and sweet in her earshot.

TheHappyHissy · 19/07/2012 16:06

"I am getting very tired. My head hurts, my chest hurts, I cant even hear myself thinking anymore... "

That is STRESS love. I had a friend carted off to hospital with symptoms like that. She too is being bullied at work, and her union want her to look at Constructive Dismissal.

You need to go back to the Management with this, you need to prepare a document that details everything you have said here, and you need to tell them that it's affecting your health.

Nobody is worth your health. Nobody.

DontmindifIdo · 19/07/2012 16:30

(An EA is an Executive Assistant - basically a PA but a lot of companies prefer to say EA rather than PA to make it clear you are just doing 'company' work not 'personal' - so my boss can go get his own dry cleaning, I'm not dealing with his tailor, I'm not taking his shoes to be mended, and I don't have access to his bank account, won't book non-work travel, won't arrange to pay his household bills, won't arrange his cleaner, won't buy his wife or his girlfriend's Christmas/birthday/valentines gifts etc)

DontmindifIdo · 19/07/2012 16:32

OP - get your CV updated, yes you might miss out on redundancy package, but how long would that last you? If you find a new job that you love then that's worth it - if you stick it out, make yourself ill in the meantime, you might find you then have to take any old job that comes along, at least now you have the luxuary of taking your time and only leaving to a better job.

It might be more than a year, could you live like that for 2 or 3 years? Just start looking. You might find just the very act of looking and seeing you have other options will take the weight off.

FiveRingsForDinner · 19/07/2012 16:37

Isn't it just slang for 'my friend'. So colloquial but not demeaning or derogatory as some posters have interpreted it. How old is the person involved?