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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think getting child benefit for someone who isn't a child is a pisstake!

69 replies

youngmummy17 · 18/07/2012 20:41

I've posted something similar about CSA before, DS dad according to the CSA doesn't have to pay child maintenance as to them he is still classed as a child, so i decided to call CSA to explain his 18, has a job and in no education, to which they said he doesn't have to pay as his mother still get child benefit for him!! DS dad doesn't live at home which i told them but CSA said her child benefit claim for him is above board and their is nothing i can do!, AIBU to be SO pissed off a 'young man' with a full time job is getting out of paying towards his sons living costs because of his mother!

OP posts:

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 18/07/2012 21:32

I would suspect his football is classed as an apprenticeship if he plays under 21 for a league team.

vj32 · 18/07/2012 21:32

But, as Jumping said, I wouldn't expect or plan to get any help from him, ever.

Get your life sorted, and if he ever grows up, (and it took until I was 18 for my dad to have any regular contact, so it could take a LONG time), then thats a bonus.

Keeping some contact with the nicer members of his family is a good idea, then your ds will always know you made the effort.

Akermanis · 18/07/2012 21:32

He'll be regarded as being in training so CB is still payable for him

LucieMay · 18/07/2012 21:33

Forget all about him. Cut contact with him and move on. Let go of this anger and obsession. Concentrate on yourself and ds andbeing the best mum you can. You'll be much happier for it.

Original poster

youngmummy17 · 18/07/2012 21:35

thank you for the link, vj32

Socknickingpixie, i do believe them want to be apart of ds life but they have made no effort which i barely have either i have invited them to ds christening etc and still no contact, i'd love to go and have a talk with them about ds and her ds but i'm terrified of the reception

OP posts:

Krumbum · 18/07/2012 21:36

It is annoying but the scheme is there to help the majority of parents who do have kids at home until they are 18. Annoying but it is there to help. The father should be paying it without being forced too but as soon as he can then do it immediately!

FellatioNelson · 18/07/2012 21:38

Don't you have to work to get child tax credits? I thought tax credits were like a tax rebate. If you can get them without working then they aren't tax credits are they?

Original poster

youngmummy17 · 18/07/2012 21:40

i just want the best for ds really as every mum and i just struggle to get used to the idea of how i HAVE to be there for ds which believe me i want to, but yet the father can choose if hey want to be there for their child

OP posts:

Socknickingpixie · 18/07/2012 21:41

sorry i just saw your post about them being drunks.

jumping if he lives a life on the dole then at least she will get £5 taken straight from his dole money. and you may want to take your judgy pants off you know nothing about how well she knows him or not.i understand that this is aibu but seriously the op is very young shes also clearly very upset about the suituation.clearly having a pop at her is not going to change that suituation.

op phone the cb number and report it as a possible fraud if its a apprentice thingy then the family is not entitled to claim it.

Akermanis · 18/07/2012 21:41

Yes you get child tax credits without working, you also get working tax credits if your work more than 16hrs a week ( if you're a single parent )

Original poster

youngmummy17 · 18/07/2012 21:54

Socknickingpixie thanks for the advice, i had a feeling when the csa said she still gets cba for him that something wasn't right maybe it's the best to do the right thing

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 18/07/2012 22:28

youngmummy it sounds like a football apprenticeship to me, so seems above board.

Hopefully he will go on to become a successful footballer and support your child very well indeed.

Socknickingpixie · 18/07/2012 22:28

put it this way, if everything is above board then you will have done no harm

whois · 18/07/2012 22:42

Youngmummy17 - have you posted before about the father and not paying any support as his football club are classing his terms as an apprenticeship? If not then there is someone else in a simmilar situation on here I think.

TBH £300 a month is really very little so it isn't like he is going to be out quaffing champagne while you're at home on bread and gruel.

Glad to hear that you are staying in education, that's positive. Hopefully education will improve things (future prospects for you and your child, your grammar...)

kinkyfuckery · 18/07/2012 22:45

He sounds like a real winner, your poor DS :(

I'd report the mother for benefit fraud. If you're right, she'll be nobbled. If not, no harm done.

Then as soon as you're able to, I'd be straight onto the CSA.

hihohiho · 18/07/2012 22:49

It's a football apprenticeship - it will be. Registered scheme and it will count for CB.

OP hard as it is - you just need to cut your losses and stop fighting a losing battle.

Once you accept the situation (crap as it is), then you won't waste energy fighting it and you will have more energy for other things.

JumpingThroughHoops · 18/07/2012 23:03

Socknickingpixie

judgypants? oh grow up love. READ the posts.

DS dad according to the CSA doesn't have to pay child maintenance as to them he is still classed as a child, so i decided to call CSA to explain his 18, has a job and in no education, to which they said he doesn't have to pay as his mother still get child benefit for him!

The father is in education. Apprenticeship is education

Honestly i don't know what scheme or anything all i know is he plays for the local football team, youth team and recently for their first team, CSA just said his mother still gets CB so ds won't get regular payments

sadly the only two people ds sees often from his dads father are his auntie and uncle one who has nothing to do with her parents and the other who still lives with ds granparents on his dad side, if that makes sense! i'm scared to talk to them about money in case they are lying about ds dad education/income as ds dad got very aggressive last night when i said i believed his mother may be lying to CBA as he is not living at home

The Op doesn't have a relationship with this fellow at all. It's terribly sad for the child concerned. If the Op wants to make anything of her life -and provide for her child - then she needs to realise that the father does not want to be involved. That isn't the same as financially culpable. He. Doesn't. Want. To. Know. he. Will. Never. Want. To. Know. Why? because they are kids themselves.

I'm sorry Op - ensure he pays any entitlement when he's able to - but you wont ever make him a part of your and your childs life. And you have to accept that and make a life for you both.

Socknickingpixie · 19/07/2012 02:53

jumping my judgey pants comment was actually aimed at your comment regarding having a child and not knowing anything about the dad,
you just assumed she knew nothing about him due to her knowing very little about his current financial suituation and that of his parents clearly as they are both teenagers who are no longer together his circumstances may have changed.
This in no way means she knows nothing about him,she may very well know loads about him indeed she did say in a later post that they had known each other for ten years.
If you were just passing comment regarding her suituation why say "knowing next to nothing about him" a comment clearly designed to be a put down,that most people would probally take as a insult that was probally intended to be taken as such. As opposed to "knowing next to nothing about his financial suituation or his parents cb claim status"

fwiw I very much admired the info regarding getting on with it ect and think your probally right about him not being the next beckham and would have thought it was a very helpfull sensable post if you hadn't added the very last bit effectively implying that the op jumped into bed with a total stranger, we may live in a progressive world but that's still concidered to be an insult by most women

EdithWeston · 19/07/2012 06:33

DS is 18 months, and the father has paid nothing and is uninvolved in DS's life, and his family aren't much interested either.

I think jumping is right: you might be able to get some money idc, but you are unlikely ever now to get recognition.

So, look to yourself. What are you going to do to provide the best possible life for this child? Are you in education/training or work? If not, when can you start? Do you have something lined up for September? For, as you have discovered the hard way, even someone you've known for 10 years can let you down with a huge wallop; so rely on the one person you can rely on - yourself.

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