to set a time limit on dinner?

[familyfun]

dd1 is a good eater in that she doesnt refuse many foods except onion but she is very slow, mainly because she talks too much, messes with things, always has a toilet trip and takes her time, whines for help, rocks her chair, taps the table, sings etc.
she is 5.
dd2 is a good eater, gets on with it, eats quickly and then wants pudding mainly yoghurtor fruit but sometimes chocolate), she is 19 months.

aibu, if dinner is at 5.15, to say that dinnertime ends at 6 and if you havent finished or had time for pudding then its too late.

last night dd2 had ate her dinner and pudding within half an hour, dd1 was still eating dinner at 5.50 so i said she had 10 mins left, she hurried her dinner and ate a bit of pudding.

dp thinks i shouldnt give dd2 pudding if dd1 isnt having it but why should dd2 wait when shes ate her dinner. not sure whether i should limit dd1s time. she is a slow eater but if she just stopped talking/singing/messing about she would finish quicker.

genuinely not sure if aibu?

FamilyFun - the phrase "Not at the dinner table" is one we have used with our eldest.

She knows the dinner table is not a place for singing or mucking about. Eating and talking (but not at the same time) are all that should be taking place.

Oh, and ask her to go to the toilet before dinner. She is 5. She should be able to follow these rules.

Before I was born into our family, there was the rule that everybody waited at the table until everyone had finished their meal. I was like your dc a very slow eater. My mum abolished this rule as older siblings were still sat at the table up to an hour after they had finished theirs as I took so long to eat. Pudding was served in a bid to speed me up etc before this but I never really cared for pudding. Eventually I did eat faster. Possibly if all but either you or dp leave the table, she may speed up a bit espicialy if others are off doing things in other rooms.

Amazing how quickly a slow eater can speed up with a deadline YANBU.

I think that having a short time alone with her dad before dinner would help too. I also think that dad and mum backing up one another in whatever they choose to do about unacceptable behaviour is really important. If she realises dad means what he says she will not want him to think badly of her and do as she's told. Surely he expects her to behave when eating out, so should expect the same at home and deal with it, and not resort to feeding her or be taken in by whining or any other way she has of getting around him.

God my five-year old is exactly like this but he is the second child.

He is painfully slow messing about, going to the toilet etc.

He can wolf down a plate of pasta in 2 minutes but most of the time just messes about.

I have to say it's worse in term time, (just realised, because we are on holidays now and it's better).

Maybe they need to get something out of their systems (mine also likes to be "helped" ie fed - he clings on to some aspects of being the baby of the family).

Reading with interest!

we get home from school at 3.30 and i play with both dds, then at 4.30ish i leave dds to play together while i finish and serve dinner.
dinner is at 5 and it takes over an hr due to dd1.
then bath at 6.30 so she doesnt get much time/attention really.
i bath them both and then dp puts them to bed.
dp leaves for work before we get up in the morning so the dcs dont see him till 5ish.
dp thinks im too strict, says if she wants feeding he will do it as she is only 5 and is jealous of dd2. he also dresses her at the weekend as she asks him to, but she washed and dresses herself for school every day. i wish he would let her be independent.
tonight she said she was hungry after school, dinner was at 5 and she messed it and lay down on the chair saying she was tired and started crying. i told her the 6 oclock rule remained and she ate her dinner and yoghurt before 6 so it worked, although im not sure if its right or wrong.

she used to be very slow at breakfast and i struggled to get her to school, so i told her if she was washed/dressed and eaten her breakfast she could watch tv till 8.20. she gets on with it now so time limits with rewards seem to work with her.

do they go to bed at the same time? perhaps she would benefit from being allowed to stay up half an hour longer than her sister

and ban tv in the morning, there is no need for it!

at first we put dd2 to bed first then read dd1 more stories and put her to bed. but dd1 would not be quiet going into bed and purposefully woke her sister so we now settle them together and the are both asleep by 7.30.
most days she now plays with her sister once they are ready or reads so she has forgotten about tv. she only watches about 30 mins a day and prefers to be outside if its nice.

at the weekend we go swimming or the park and dp spends some time with dd1 then we swap and he plays with dd2.

If dinner is on the table at 5 and bathtime is 6.30, then why can't you initiate a nice family 'play time' from 5.45 until 6.15 or so - a game, or story time. It will give dd1 an incentive to hurry up and finish if she knows she'll be getting some fun time afterwards.

Definitely nip the toilet thing in the bud though. I used to send dd to the loo before meals - wee and wash hands - and if she didn't want to go she had to try anyway. I still do it before any kind of road trip, and dd is 14!

will try the promise of a game before bath if she hurries tomorrow.

I think a game is the way to go - but only if she is finished eating by a certain time. So if she goes over, say 6pm, there's no game. But if I would try to make sure the game was played by every member of the family, together - I think she's acting up to get 'daddy time' so I wouldn't reward that by then having DD1 and DH play on their own, IYSWIM.

That said, maybe both would benefit from a bit of 1:1 time at bedtime? Maybe she's big enough now to realise this can only happen if she'll go to bed quietly and not wake DD2?