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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to report a "friend" to social services for being a selfish irresponsible bitch ?

46 replies

ithinkitsme · 16/07/2012 19:20

have known this friend for nearly 15 years - have had a few arguments with this lady due to her family being heavy drinkers and trouble makers, especially her parents - whom she has lived with the past 10 years (just her mother now as dad passed away years ago)

She has two children ages 13 and 4 and has been leaving them in the house by themselves to go out drinking, and when she comes home (normally after 7 in the mornings- she then wants to lie in her bed all day as she is hungover), and although she spends alot of money buying the children clothes, shoes, presents and the like- she barely has bread and milk in the house to give them a breakfast as she will often say how theres nothing in the house to eat or that the children have had dry cereal for breakfast and the youngest childs behaviour is appalling - the child knows far too much for their age, swears alot and talks like a very very rude teenager.

I have a family myself now and could never bear to think about treating them the way she does - and i just want advice on how to deal with this really - would just love to cut her out of my and my families lives altogether as she is in with a bad crowd now, but she will not be easy to get rid of and i worry about her kids but what do i do ?

OP posts:
Tortington · 16/07/2012 19:21

report her

mynewpassion · 16/07/2012 19:22

Are you doing to protect the children or because she did something to you? What is your motive after so long?

StuckintheBellJar · 16/07/2012 19:22

Yep, report.

lisaro · 16/07/2012 19:22

Ring social services. And don't look on it as reporting her, see it as helping the children.

minceorotherwise · 16/07/2012 19:22

If she leaves the children alone all night, you should report her, no question
How will you feel when something happens, if you don't

minceorotherwise · 16/07/2012 19:23

When,not if

HappySunflower · 16/07/2012 19:23

Call your local authority children's services dept.
It may well be the best thing that anything has ever done for those children.

FrothyOM · 16/07/2012 19:25

That's neglect so you should report it.

UnChartered · 16/07/2012 19:26

sounds as if she could do with a bit of help, social services might be a good place to start

well done for thinking about the children

squeakytoy · 16/07/2012 19:27

Where is her Mother then, if she lives with her?

PlumpDogPillionaire · 16/07/2012 19:27

What everyone else has said. Report her if you think it'll help her children - and it sounds like it probably will.
Don't report her just because you think she's a silly bitch or you don't like her. That would be a complete waste of time.

Dprince · 16/07/2012 19:28

How old does a child have to be to be left alone with a sibling? I am asking as I genuinely do not know.
If you feel she needs reporting do it. Just make sure you are not doing it because the problems you have had.
The dry cereal for example, was it a genuine one off?

sleepybump · 16/07/2012 19:28

Report her, SS are there to help. They can make a balanced and objective opinion of the situation and get her and/or the kids help if they need it.

Original poster
ithinkitsme · 16/07/2012 19:36

her mother works full time, different shifts - sometimes she is there with the children

mynewpassion - the leaving the children in part has only just started happening in the past couple of weeks , i dont have any motive other than worrying about her kids but part of me just wishes i didnt know about it all now as i really dont want involved but feel as if i cant turn a blind eye either

Dprince- i know what your saying, dry cereal part has happened alot, Not sure what age is acceptable for leaving the children alone ?

Just feel she has went even more off the rails recently than what she was before and she was already bad enough

wouldnt even know where to begin with regards to going to social services ?

Thanks for the replies everyone, think i know what it is i have to do

OP posts:
PlumpDogPillionaire · 16/07/2012 19:40

ithink - calling social services to outline what you know of her situation doesn't have to be - and shouldn't be - some sort of betrayal or vengeance against her. Most likely she'll be offered help, which she probably needs.

izzyizin · 16/07/2012 19:40

You've said your friend has been living with her dps for the past 10 years but her df passed away some years ago.

Is her dm in the house when she goes out, or does she go out with her dm and leave the dc home alone?

If the youngest dc's behaviour is as 'appalling' as you've said, it's probable that this will be picked by her school and may lead to SS intervention.

Herbsmum · 16/07/2012 19:47

I really would advise ringing this in to social care. They will do a full and proper assessment. This may be enough to get the mum to realise that she is letting things get out of control. They are not in he habit of removing children unless there is a real dange. The family need support to realign their priorities. Please do it soon, before something happens.

Original poster
ithinkitsme · 16/07/2012 19:49

sorry i worded that wrong izzyizin regarding the parents part - she has a stepfather (well an on- off one) who is there sometimes - her DM is employed full time

yeah the children have been left home alone on a few occassions but only recently

the behaviour of the younger child has already been picked up by pre-school

thanks for all replies

OP posts:
thekidsrule · 16/07/2012 19:54

so it sounds like the g.moher may be there at night

i leave my 13yr old to sit my five year old at night,8 - 11 though little one is on his way to bed,once a week if that

should i be expecting ss on my door step then?????????

rhondajean · 16/07/2012 19:59

Possibly the kids, it's not really on to leave a 13 year old in charge of a younger child, In the eyes of the law, although it doesn't name ages.

Nspcc guidance is no child under16 should be left in charge of another and no child under 13 left alone.

DontEatTheVolesKids · 16/07/2012 20:06

NSPCC are full of Shit about age to let a child stay alone, but that's another thread.
I heard story of local lady going drinking, leaving 12+10yo in charge of 4 younger siblings, sometimes going until early hours of the morning. Supposedly SS know but don't feel they can do anything stronger than slap wrists.

So I wouldn't get my hopes up for changing things much.

UnChartered · 16/07/2012 20:07

Social workers aren't employed to give out 'slapped wrists' they are employed to support families Hmm

rhondajean · 16/07/2012 20:08

I think the key words in that post were "I heard story".

thekidsrule · 16/07/2012 20:10

well how comes the DWP expect people to leave 12yr olds alone while the parent works,they dont have a problem with that

rhondajean · 16/07/2012 20:13

The dwp are not responsible for cp.

And there is a difference between an almost 13 year old alone with a plan of what to do in an emergency, suitable food, etc, and one left with either a younger child to be responsible for and/or without suitable resources, and certainly a difference with a parent who doesn't come home in a capable state to take care of them when he/she is there.