to want to report a "friend" to social services for being a selfish irresponsible bitch ?

[ithinkitsme]

have known this friend for nearly 15 years - have had a few arguments with this lady due to her family being heavy drinkers and trouble makers, especially her parents - whom she has lived with the past 10 years (just her mother now as dad passed away years ago)

She has two children ages 13 and 4 and has been leaving them in the house by themselves to go out drinking, and when she comes home (normally after 7 in the mornings- she then wants to lie in her bed all day as she is hungover), and although she spends alot of money buying the children clothes, shoes, presents and the like- she barely has bread and milk in the house to give them a breakfast as she will often say how theres nothing in the house to eat or that the children have had dry cereal for breakfast and the youngest childs behaviour is appalling - the child knows far too much for their age, swears alot and talks like a very very rude teenager.

I have a family myself now and could never bear to think about treating them the way she does - and i just want advice on how to deal with this really - would just love to cut her out of my and my families lives altogether as she is in with a bad crowd now, but she will not be easy to get rid of and i worry about her kids but what do i do ?

report her. my dad left me in charge of my brother while he went out at night. as my counsellor said recently 'and who rang social services for you?' of course, no-one did.

she's a former social worker, by the way, the counsellor.

Report. No question about it. Heavy drinking and leaving children alone is totally unacceptable.

lovebunny how old were you? Do you know the legal age to be left with siblings. I am genuinely interested as I can't seem to fi d a definitive answer any where.

There isn't one DP the guidance is 16 But even then it depends on their competence etc

The lack of a law that says x age seems to make some people think any age is ok, and others that no age is.

i find this whole subject very undefined

a few weeks ago a poster asked if it was ok to leave her 7 or 8 year old alone for 20 mins and a few mners saw no problem in it

but its deemed wrong for a 13yr old to be left with sibling,ok not if parent is hammered and stays out all night that is wrong

me and my mates were sitting other peoples kids at 12yrs old and no way knew these kids as well as a sibling of ours

IMO its not about the finer detail. If the op has concens then she can report them and SS will decide if they are valid or not. Every situation is different but if this woman is a lone parent and regularly drinking heavily this is enough of an issue alone.

It is very undefined. This is about the best info on the web about it:

www.parentlink.act.gov.au/parenting_guides/specific_issues/home_alone

Basically anyone under 18 alone or in charge of a child, even if you aren't there you are the responsible adult and if the child(ren) are injured, distressed or put at risk, it's you that's held liable.

My kids love their cereal dry, cos then they get to eat it in front of the telly, or upstairs in their room whilst I doze in bed

How do you know all this?

I think it is about the finer detail. I agree there should be a legal age. If SS do not have a problem in general about a 13 year old being alone with a sibling, then there isn't much else report worthy. The woman has ran out of milk on occasion and has had a hangover.

I can't understanding why you're hesitating. Report your concerns and leave SS to check it out. If they can't find anything this time it goes on file and when others report it helps to build a case to get help for all concerned.

Dprince - it's unlikely that the OP know about the 'finer detail' of this situation - as is often the case if someone reports their concerns to social services. It's up to social services to ascertain and consider the finer detail if the OP does decide to report and they follow up.

what would happen if you had a young mum say 15yrs with her 4 month old baby,is she not responsible for that child,but then she in the eyes of the law is a child heself

im going of thread i know but curious

Ugh. This is not about what the legal age to leave children alone is. There may be neglect issues here. For good reason; neither neglect or significant harm are clearly defined in law - because they are contextual and every case is different.

Sw do an assessment the kids. So they would know what the scenario was re support, being left alone etc and the mothers competence.

They would be living with their own parents presumable or both put into foster care or supported accommodation if needed.

i agree that the situation op describes does sound neglectful in many ways

Sorry scarred you are right. But there is so much misinformation isn't there??

I recon if the 13 year old is responsible, SS wouldn't be interested.

The dry cereal is not of interest as many kids prefer it dry anyway. If there is no food in the cupboards though, that is really worrying.

Ring SS anyway to voice concerns.

I did actually post that the OP should report it if she felt the kids were at risk. However I still maintain the 'leaving them on their own' bit may not be as clear cut and SS may not be interested in a 13 year old being left with a sibling.
Without that, you have a woman who has ran out of milk.
For what it is worth I always think that people shoulld always report a family to SS if they are genuinley concerned.
However I have seen the aftermath of someone who was reported needlessly. Its not nice. Some people are scared if SS contact them, even if they are amazing parents.
I do apologise for looking at this from another angle .

when i was teaching, we had a family quite similar to this. Kids would turn up at school in a variety of states depending on mum. Mum was known alcoholic. SS supported family. When things got bad (kids stank because lack of baths and clothes not washed) school rang ss. SS went round, chivvied mum along, got the kids sorted, and food in the cupboard and then left them to it again.

I say this because ss always seems to mean somehow that kids are at risk or will be taken away, but often it is about supporting families and giving them a hand. If the ss is good, then phoning should be a good result for the family.

There is no legal age for leaving kids of for being the babysitter. each case is considered as it is, the legal phrase is vague to do with an appropriate situation, and can be interpreted any way.