Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Come tell me I'm being PFB...

36 replies

FeakAndTheWeebleWorm · 16/07/2012 18:22

DS is 16mo and has been going to Nursery since Christmas. He's been injured a few times since starting (bashed face into railings when he was learning to walk, fell off a chair... Er, some other things that I can't now remember) but it's been happening with more frequency over the past few months.

The last two incidents, which have happened within 5 weeks of each other, have concerned DS being bitten by another child on the face. The last time it didn't look too bad but today his left cheek is enormously swollen and he has a huge red mark with clear teeth marks Sad

T'was a different child who did it (no idea who, but I asked was it the same child as last time and they said no) but they did it for the same reason - DS, who is unsteady on his feet still, had used their hair to pull himself up to standing. Said child, objecting to being used as a bannister, bit him.

Now I'm not a nightmare parent, promise I'm not. I smiled, said kids will be kids, signed the accident form and reasoned with myself that my child should not be yanking on people's hair and perhaps eventually this will get through to him... Hopefully while he still has some face left.

But his cheek is so swollen. It's making me feel so guilty that I am sending him somewhere where he is getting hurt like this. I mean, he could just as easily bash his head into a fence when he's out with me, but he damn well wouldn't get bitten.

Nursery, by the way, are fabulous and wonderful and I love them there - no complaints whatsoever. DS seems to love it too, never cares when I drop him off and doesn't want to leave when I go and pick him up.

So I suppose my AIBU is really - It's normal, right, for kids to get injured at nurseries? And - Withdrawing him from nursery because of stuff like this would make me Queen PFB, wouldn't it?

Someone give me a slap, I keep looking at his little face and wanting to weep Sad

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/07/2012 18:29

Could you perhaps send him to a child minder instead?

I really, genuinely don't think nurseries are the place for such small children...mainly because they tend to injure each other a lot!

emsyj · 16/07/2012 18:33

I don't know to be honest. DD goes to a childminder, but it's a place where the main childminder has 2 helpers so more of a nursery/CM hybrid rather than a 'home from home' traditional CM setting. DD is quite accident prone and falls over/hurts herself a lot but has never come home from CM with an injury.

I know one of my friends had an issue with her DS biting at nursery - they took it very seriously and showed her the footage of him doing it etc. He was 2.5 years old though so possibly under less close supervision than I would expect for a 16 month old. Do you feel that they are paying enough attention to what the biting child is doing? I would be annoyed at my DD being bitten twice by the same child in such a short space of time.

Fecklessdizzy · 16/07/2012 18:34

Can't help I'm afraid ... DS1 got belted with a wooden giraffe by a tiny fairy-like blond girl after a week at pre-school and needed stitches - Her Mums response was that her precious princess didn't like boys!

I kept looking at his weeping little face and wanting to slap ... Grin

Noqontrol · 16/07/2012 18:36

Well, i guess the other children retaliated because they had their hair pulled. It must be petty painful to have someone use your hair to pull themselves up. I think you are being a tad unreasonable about this. But hope your sons ok.

Springforward · 16/07/2012 18:36

DS has been at nursery since 11.5 months. This is normal IME, and they outgrow the biting stage. DS has been both biter and bitee.

Noqontrol · 16/07/2012 18:37

*Pretty not petty

whackamole · 16/07/2012 18:38

My boys went through a phase of biting at nursery. It was mortifying.

I never did anything about it though. Realistically, what can you do? If kids are going to bite, they'll bite! I may be the exception as I have twins so regularly would be tearing them apart. There were actually less sibling related injuries when they were at nursery.

LentillyFart · 16/07/2012 18:38

You don't sound PFB at all actually! On the contrary you sound very grounded. I know I shouldn't but I'm a bit Grin at your DS using others to pull himself up - enterprising if nothing else - but obviously you do want him to grow up with a face to be proud of, not one that tells a tale!
That said, I think I'd have to agree with worra about the CM for such a little one - is that at all possible for you?

PerryCombover · 16/07/2012 18:40

Sounds awful but is usually a stage
Have a much firmer word with nursery

emsyj · 16/07/2012 18:41

Oh sorry I thought it was the same child twice just re-read and seen that I am 100% wrong on that - whoops Blush.

JumpingThroughHoops · 16/07/2012 18:41

DS, who is unsteady on his feet still, had used their hair to pull himself up to standing. Said child, objecting to being used as a bannister, bit him.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Life is a learning curve at that age. Very young to be expressing themselves in a civilised manner. I wouldnt sweat it TBH.

Ihatepeas · 16/07/2012 18:42

Having worked in a nursery I can say these things do happen at this age. It is very upsetting but generally more so for the parent than the child. I'm so sorry that you son has a sore face. Try applying and ice pack which will reduce the swelling and and arnica cream to help the bruising.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 16/07/2012 18:43

I don't think that not wanting your child to be bitten makes you Queen PFB at all. I think babies under three need more one to one attention than a nursery can provide tbh. This is one of the reasons why.

BarbarianMum · 16/07/2012 18:44

Having your child bitten is awful.

However, the only way you can guarantee that he won't be bitten, ever, is to not allow him near other children (and dogs) - no playgroup, or soft play, or parks, or friends. Ever.

So don't feel guilty.

More proactively, if he is getting bitten because he is hurting other children (which he is, albeit unknowingly) then a priority needs to be to stop him grabbing hair. So the nursery need to be supervising him more closely so they can intervene on time - then no-one gets hurt. So don't be afraid to have a 'so what are you going to do to prevent this happening again? ' type talk with his key worker. That would not be PFB.

Original poster
FeakAndTheWeebleWorm · 16/07/2012 18:45

Ah thanks Lentilly. I am probably coming across as far more reasonable than I actually feel!

Have never considered a CM to be perfectly honest - the nursery is just down the road (though it wouldn't make a great deal of difference if I had to travel further away) and it's so lovely, with such a good Ofsted report, that I just automatically enrolled him when I had to go back to work. I did go and have a look at a couple of others to be nosey and they weren't as nice... But I never considered a CM. Think perhaps it's something I'll look into.

I just didn't know how 'normal' this is... Feel like I'm signing a form a month at the moment. So I am reassured to hear that biting is something of a stage... It's not something DS is doing yet but I am conscious that some other parent has probably turned up today and found her daughter's bunches are all wonky then had to sign a form stating that some feral male yanked her hair all to pieces Blush

OP posts:
Dprince · 16/07/2012 18:45

Sounds normal to me. He will be with other similar aged children and so trying to stop them biting is a difficult as getting your as to stop using other childrens hair to pull himself up.
My ds is also 16 months and has been bitten once. I was furious and wanted to hi t the child and their parents down. But I calmed down. Dd went to the same nursery and she got bit once. I had the same initial reaction (extreme anger) but they dealt with it and it didn't happen again. This is why I trust them to deal with it.
Ds has occasional normal accidents, a bump for example.
Its up to you whether you want to take him out. But you will find similar things happen when he starts school. Probably not biting but incidents with other kids.

kilmuir · 16/07/2012 18:46

The other child was reacting to having its hair pulled, so i would not make a big issue of it.

Original poster
FeakAndTheWeebleWorm · 16/07/2012 18:46

Barbarian thank you, I'll do that. His Key Worker doesn't work Monday's but I'll see her on Wednesday and I'll do just that. Thanks.

OP posts:
MainlyMaynie · 16/07/2012 18:47

My DS has has very similar injuries at mother and toddler group, while I've been there. He's also used another child's hair to pull himself up, while I was there. I wouldn't feel guilty about sending him to nursery, it happens everywhere. It also happens so quickly that there's not much you can do!

Hassled · 16/07/2012 18:47

You're not being PFBish at all - I have hoards (well, 4) and I'd react the same way. There's something deeply unsettling about bites and being bitten.

Having said that - these things will happen and he won't remember. If he's happy there I'd leave it be.

COCKadoodledooo · 16/07/2012 18:51

The biting was just an instinctive reaction I guess, and would have happened at a toddler group under your supervision, or with a childminder just as easily.

I think when things like this happen it just adds to the guilt of the working parent.Shouldn't but it does.

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 16/07/2012 18:56

Accidents/biting/hitting happens in nurseries (I've worked in them). It does sound like it's happening a bit too frequently though. I would ask what they're doing to ensure this doesn't happen again and see if you're happy with the response.

I would also always use a childminder/nanny/nanny share over a nursery for a child under 2, it's maybe worth looking into if you're not happy.

This;
'he could just as easily bash his head into a fence when he's out with me, but he damn well wouldn't get bitten'
is a litte PFB and naive. It takes a second, that's all and even if you're supermum you can't watch them every single second. It could easily happen when he's with you and if it does you shouldn't feel bad, it takes a second!

LiegeAndLief · 16/07/2012 18:59

I wouldn't be so sure that he damn well wouldn't get bitten in your care. My PFB has been bitten a couple of times in my care by one of his friends who was going through a (IME normal) biting stage. By this stage I had a younger dc as well (and so did the biter's mum) so was just impossible to police them constantly.

I'm very sorry he's been bitten and I'm not surprised you feel like you do, but I don't think it's a nursery-exclusive event.

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 16/07/2012 18:59

I agree with hassled that bites are particularly upsetting. One of my charges got bitten a few months ago. He's 4 and the biter was a baby (about 18 months). He just toddled up at playgroup and bit him hard enough to leave a complete set of teeth marks! Completely unprovoked and unexpected. I was more upset than DC was and felt sick for the rest of the day!

LiegeAndLief · 16/07/2012 19:01

x post HolyCamera!