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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Come tell me I'm being PFB...

36 replies

FeakAndTheWeebleWorm · 16/07/2012 18:22

DS is 16mo and has been going to Nursery since Christmas. He's been injured a few times since starting (bashed face into railings when he was learning to walk, fell off a chair... Er, some other things that I can't now remember) but it's been happening with more frequency over the past few months.

The last two incidents, which have happened within 5 weeks of each other, have concerned DS being bitten by another child on the face. The last time it didn't look too bad but today his left cheek is enormously swollen and he has a huge red mark with clear teeth marks Sad

T'was a different child who did it (no idea who, but I asked was it the same child as last time and they said no) but they did it for the same reason - DS, who is unsteady on his feet still, had used their hair to pull himself up to standing. Said child, objecting to being used as a bannister, bit him.

Now I'm not a nightmare parent, promise I'm not. I smiled, said kids will be kids, signed the accident form and reasoned with myself that my child should not be yanking on people's hair and perhaps eventually this will get through to him... Hopefully while he still has some face left.

But his cheek is so swollen. It's making me feel so guilty that I am sending him somewhere where he is getting hurt like this. I mean, he could just as easily bash his head into a fence when he's out with me, but he damn well wouldn't get bitten.

Nursery, by the way, are fabulous and wonderful and I love them there - no complaints whatsoever. DS seems to love it too, never cares when I drop him off and doesn't want to leave when I go and pick him up.

So I suppose my AIBU is really - It's normal, right, for kids to get injured at nurseries? And - Withdrawing him from nursery because of stuff like this would make me Queen PFB, wouldn't it?

Someone give me a slap, I keep looking at his little face and wanting to weep Sad

OP posts:
FeakAndTheWeebleWorm · 16/07/2012 19:17

COCKadoodledooo think you've hit the nail on the head there actually. Have been thinking 'but if he'd been with me...' though I am also taking on board everyone else's comments that this is not a problem exclusive to nurseries - and actually that is making me feel better!

Thank you people, am having a bit of a wibble at the moment because of various stuff going on and I am aware that I am not at my rational best. I will talk to Nursery on Wednesday (DS's next day) about what they're planning to do re: keeping a firmer eye on him to ensure he stops yanking people's hair and so being bitten, and I'll check that when he is doing this that they are intervening (I'm sure they are but at least if I check this then it will be something we can agree we'll be doing together, at home and at nursery).

Cheers.

OP posts:
Coconutty · 16/07/2012 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FantabulousFryingPan · 16/07/2012 19:33

My DS has also been bitten at nursery, once at 16 months when he had his fingers bitten trying to take food out of another childs mouth and once when he was 20 months when two of them were tussling for the same bit of climbing frame. He still talks about the latter incident a couple of months later (Alfie bit me!) so it did upset him. I wasn't as upset as you sound though, just saw it as one of those things - could equally have happened at a childminders or at a playgroup so not so sure why people are saying go to a childminders. Also if your child was at a childminder with a biter wouldn't that be worse, they'd be with that child the whole time? At least a nursery can separate them if it occurs again with the same child. I did ask specifically that Alfie be kept away from playing with my DS for a bit.

Pandemoniaa · 16/07/2012 20:05

I suspect that your ds might well have similar accidents if he was at home (bar the biting of course!) but of course, you wouldn't be signing accident reports so it might not seem such a litany. So I think it isn't U at this age given that he's just finding his feet. I doubt that things would be very different with a CM either.

You don't sound pfb to me though. In fact, quite the opposite. But I fear that all the while your ds is tottering around using hair as a means of leverage, there's the likelihood of an unfortunate reaction. Especially if the biters are of similar age since they don't possess the communication skills to protest in a more reasonable manner.

Biting is a bugger though. I didn't have a biter but dgd is a bit inclined that way and needs careful watching and distracting. Thankfully she seems to be over the worst of it.

Lovethesea · 16/07/2012 20:07

DD (3) has only ever been bitten by her brother (2) and he has never been bitten (yet) so it doesn't have to be a nursery thing at all.

DS did bite someone at nursery last week but they stuck their finger in his mouth so I think it was reflex not malice! He hasn't bitten his sister for 6 months or more now, it was a frustration thing when wrestling for the same toys. Always a big reaction though, time out for him, major cuddles for her. It's a stage!

Dprince · 16/07/2012 20:08

Forgot to say my best friends dd is with a child minder and was also bitten. So I don't think its just a nursery thing.
Hope you are ok OP, it is stressful when they are in someone elses care.

kerala · 16/07/2012 20:08

Im a SAHM and my toddler was nastily bitten at a library I was sitting right there. Horrid though and somehow worse if you are not there at least I saw what happened and could comfort if it had happened when I wasn't there I know I would have been more upset irrational but true.

KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 16/07/2012 20:25

ABout getting a CM....my friend had similar problems WITH her CM and found her DS was much better in a nursery...but the CM had a lot of small DC....so maybe find one with only a few?

MammaTJ · 16/07/2012 20:29

They bit him because he pulled their hair!! The nursery need to be on the look out for when he is trying to get up.

Hopefully it is a phase that won't last long. If he is generally happy, I would say leave him there.

If I pulled my DCs out of everywhere they ever got hurt, they would never go anywhere.

Kayano · 16/07/2012 20:32

My 5 month old pulls my hair on occasion

I can't image her pullin herself up by my hair

And then imagine another poor child who can't articulate the distress and pain.

Yabu, it wasn't an unprovoked random bite

holyfishnets · 16/07/2012 20:35

My son used my hair to pull himself up today and it felt horrible. Your son needs to learn not to hurt others while getting up and the other children need to learn not to bite. Bites are awful aren't they but I actually think the problem is 50 -50

I really prefer childminders for kids under three generally. Something that imitates being with mum at home environment wise.

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