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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partners Gone On Holiday

57 replies

RazzleDazzle91 · 16/07/2012 15:53

Hi Ladies, I'm 8 months pregnant and on friday my partner went on holiday without me, didn't even seem to bother him that I might want to go away.!!! He said "ow its the last time before little man comes that ill get to surf" so I replied "what if I'd like to go away before he arrives to have a break" but nope he still went alone with his dad and brother. Its really angered me for the fact he thinks its okay to go on holiday whilst silly little pregnant me sits at home. To make things worse we had a family wedding saturday which he missed to go on holiday, baring in mind he new the date of the wedding at least 2months ago, holiday was booked 3weeks ago.
Sorry its a long post, just needed to see if I'm being unreasonable being angry at him.
Thanks a lot.
D.x

OP posts:
Dprince · 16/07/2012 16:31

Sorry but I think yabu, a little. Go away yourself for a few days.

Original poster
RazzleDazzle91 · 16/07/2012 16:32

Yes I told him that I wanted him here for obvious reasons! I just feel that he has been selfish going away without me considering we haven't been away with eachother for 3years! I would have gone away before I fell pregnant but now we are a family.x

OP posts:
DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 16/07/2012 16:34

"Why would you not go away without him"

Er... Because some people enjoy spending what precious little free time most of us get from work WITH our partners? Only on MN have I seen this bizarre advocation for separate holidays.

BarredfromhavingStella · 16/07/2012 16:34

If you told him how you felt & that you didn't want him to go then YANBU, if you just hinted that you were unhappy with the situation & expected him to mind read then YABU.

My dh went diving to Egypt on a live-a-board (so not contactable for the whole week) when I was pregnant though it didn't really bother me if i'm honest as I have plenty of friends & family around.

Just book yourself a spa break when the baby is a few months old to return the favour Wink

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 16/07/2012 16:35

Oh, sorry OP, YAmostdefinitelyNBU, he's being a selfish arse.

3duracellbunnies · 16/07/2012 17:05

I would have been livid, but dh wouldn't have done that at that stage, he barely wanted to go to work just in case! Now however we do have one weekend a year when I go away with my friends and he goes away with his mates.

Having 3 children (2-7 yrs) it is hard to find someone to take all three overnight, and as much as I love being with them, being a SAHM 24/7 means I get little 'me' time, a weekend away gives me a break. Once you stop b/f and the baby is a bit bigger I think you are due a weekend away with friends, remind him of this holiday when you tell him!

Original poster
RazzleDazzle91 · 16/07/2012 17:24

Thanks for your advice everyone, its nice to have both good and bad responses! I think we will be having a big talk when his home.x

OP posts:
ChaoticismyLife · 16/07/2012 18:04

Did he rsvp yes to this wedding before deciding to go on holiday instead?

Icelollycraving · 16/07/2012 18:07

What about those contractions you are getting? Mwahaha

alistron1 · 16/07/2012 18:11

When dd1 was 6 months old and I was 4 months pregnant with Dd2 DP went on a weeks holiday camping with a friend. I went to my mums for the week and had a rest!!

4 years ago when our kids were 11, 10, 9 and 4 he went to new Orleans for a week with his brother (gift from in laws)

As long as YOU get a chance to do stuff, and he's otherwise decent I can't see the problem.

Bunnyjo · 16/07/2012 18:12

I'm a relaxed kind of woman and I don't mind my DH doing things away from me. He did a road trip with a friend to Greece to drop off furniture when DD was 13mth and has done various weekends away with his hobby - I don't mind.

But, DD was a high risk pregnancy (PIH and pre-eclampsia) and DS arrived nearly a fortnight early - so DH would have been wearing his bollocks round his neck, if he went away when I was 8mth pregnant!

CaliforniaLeaving · 16/07/2012 18:12

He's a moron, I never made it past 37 weeks with any of mine, healthy normal then at 37 weeks, bam, labour and emercency c-sections.
He doesn't know that the baby won't come he's not psychic.

kinkyfuckery · 16/07/2012 18:28

Did you actually tell him you didn't want him to go, or ask him not to go?
Why didn't you go too?

Bunbaker · 16/07/2012 18:36

"Why didn't you go too?"

A 7 hour drive at eight months! I don't blame the OP for wanting to stay at home. For what it's worth I think it is unbelievably selfish for him to abandon his partner at that stage of the pregnancy. He sounds childish, selfish and thoughtless.

kinkyfuckery · 16/07/2012 18:39

I didn't want to assume why the OP didn't go, that is why I asked you her.

Shakirasma · 16/07/2012 18:52

YABU

AllYoursBabooshka · 16/07/2012 18:55

Care to elaborate Shakirasma? :o

Hopefullyrecovering · 16/07/2012 18:56

I am a big fan of holidays alone. As long as there are some family holidays together and budget enough to afford both.

DH for example is a twat no he isn't, that just popped out. He likes cycling up hills and then down hills again. I can see no joy in this. I do not want to cycle up hills and I do not want to cycle down them. Nor do I want to spend a week in a damp holiday cottage in the UK waiting for DH to return to me having cycled up hills and down again. The solution plainly is for DH to do the Grand Old Duke of York on A Bike routine while I go to New York and go to MOMA and catch up with friends.

Chandon · 16/07/2012 19:00

he will do this a lot more, also when the baby is born. he might even use some of his parental leave to go surfing, if the surf is good.

I know a few surfers, many are like that. I don't know any who has changed...

sadly

Jux · 16/07/2012 19:01

I think you and your best friend should go away for a few days now. There's a fantastic hotel near me which will really pamper you. It's not cheap, but hey, it's your last chance before baby arrives, and your dearest partner can have a list of all the things that need to be done while you're away.

Original poster
RazzleDazzle91 · 16/07/2012 19:03

I wouldn't have minded going but my pregnancy being high risk and having problems I couldn't go. Yes he did say he was coming to the wedding before the holiday was planned! Partly why I'm annoyed that his ditched me and been selfish to go away for his own personal reasons! I wouldn't have cared if I was like 12weeks pregnant but I'm not. I'm heavily pregnant with first baby! I feel he should be here for me and incase anything happens! I also said to him that I'm not an unreasonable person that if we was to go on holiday as a family I wouldn't stop him going surfing for a day or too if he wanted too as its his hobby that he likes to do. Just feel that at this stage of my pregnancy he should be here, not on a jolly holiday getting drunk and surfing.x

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 16/07/2012 19:11

RazzleDazzle91 is definitely not being unreasonable at all Shakirasma. How on earth can you think she is?

Pandemoniaa · 16/07/2012 19:17

I hope you told him what you thought about this holiday before he went away.

Only I don't have an issue with separate holidays either - tbh, there's nothing worse than trailing along behind someone like a spare part while they get on with the main purpose of their their holiday and this works both ways with DP and I.

However, if I was 8 months pregnant and the pregnancy was complicated then I think it is silly and unrealistic to take off on a trip quite so far away. There's no reason for him to give up surfing because you have a family but there's every reason to stay fairly close to home right now.

Dprince · 16/07/2012 19:18

I imagine bunbaker that that is her opinion. Yours is different. When opinions are asked for there is no definitive answer. Opinions are subjective.
I happen to thing the OP is by, slightly. Because (having had 2 high risk pgs myself) wouldn't have minded dh going away. In fact having the house myself would've been nice or I would have gone away as well.
That's doesn't mean she is definitely by. Just my opinion.

Dprince · 16/07/2012 19:19

I happen to think the op is BU, slightly.