To really scared and pray I'm not overdue again??

[lastnerve]

Expecting dc2, first time round In went 42 weeks + and had to be induced , tablet, waters popped everything. it was horrible making an already painful experience even more so, dc's heartbeat dipped and had to have help with the delivery. machine was too high and had to be turned down.

was crazy like I had no control over my own body. was put in stirrups even though I didn't want this. as I have hyper mobility and my knee caps pop out sometimes I am opting to go on all fours this time.

And as silly as this may sound , I feel like much less of a woman that my body really couldn't be bothered to go into labour and I feel like if it was to happen twice it would be real confirmation that I'm not a proper woman and that something is wrong with me. I'm really scared to not go into labour naturally this time and often jealous of women who do. I must me mad.

AIBU to be scared of this happening again, and has anyone else been in my situation.??

Thankyou I know its 'silly' but there is also knowledge that the womb starts to disintegrate ant 42 weeks so its a good thing I was in some ways.

Op is fully entitled to make a remark about her own body! I can see how her thought process got her to the conclusion that her body failed/let her down. Honestly, some people on here are so preachy. The the thread is about OP's feelings about herself. She is not saying that everyone who did not manage an unassisted birth failed as a woman. Honestly, talk about looking for an argument!

Op, fwiw, you can refuse to be induced and wait it out instead. Have a look at the NICE guidelines on postmaturity which discuss the benefits and risks if induction. To my mind there is no overwhelming need for induction unless monitoring picks up a problem and as such I declined induction of labour and waited with 2 of my dc and had very straightforward and easy births both times. Good luck whatever happens.

OP - I went through v similar birth experience to you with DS1. DS2 - totally different birth experience (came nearly 2 weeks early). I worked really hard to ensure that DS1's birth didnt colour it by doing what I could to distance the experience (different hospital, did hypnobirthing which really helped dispel my fears, talked everything over ad nauseum with doula coming to attend the birth etc.). All I'd say is that each birth experience really is different - please dont let it spoil your excitement for the arrival of DC2.

"Yeah - well - there are plenty people on MN with life threatening and debilitating long term illnesses. They might be entitled to say their bodies have failed them. You do not - and I think you should probably stop this right now."

:o

But you, apparently, have the right to be utterly foul to a pregnant, frightened woman scared after a traumatic birth.

What a disgusting self-indulgent comment.

I hope it made you feel like a big woman because it makes you look like a cunt.

Sorry, that should have been that anyone would take their "straight talking" to the level of abuse.

I certainly wasn't amused by it.

Thanks for that thing - and if you think that was 'utterly foul' then you need to have a little word with yourself. You sound a bit hysterical.

Op I think sometimes on mumsnet people perhaps try to ' shake you out of yourself and make you focus in bigger picture' no excuse for vile comments though.

Please try not to worry, this birth may be totally different but talk to your midwife and really best of luck to you... Xx

YANBU. I got really down when DS2 was 14 days overdue like his brother. It wasn't rational, I just wanted to go into labour naturally.

It was utterly foul.

It's pretty hard to get my head around such uncalled for, unjustified, unpleasant bitchiness towards someone who is upset.

I guess you must get a little buzz out of making vulnerable women feel like shit?

What a delightful person you must be.

Oh get a grip why don't you? Let the OP speak up for herself if she wants to otherwise just beak out! You're the one stropping around calling people cunts. Calm down.

Do you see me calling anyone a cunt purity? No. You do not.

Also really don't get the people here abusing the OP. She put in her title that she is scared - she is looking for reassurance.

fwiw I have long-term kidney problems, like, not ones that will go away after pregnancy is done, but I don't see the point in willy waving and saying at least your problems will be over after birth.

OP I haven't given birth yet so I can't tell how you must be feeling but I think my approach would be to discuss these things with your MW and also when you get to hospital say to the MW booking you in that you had a crap first birth and are really scared about losing control, and please could they help by making sure you feel consulted about decisions and not just put your in stirrups (etc).

I am sure they get least one woman like that every day, if not every hour, and will totally take it in their stride :)

Every time I have told a HCP that I am scared about an operation or similar they have been unfailingly lovely, because they see frightened people in pain all the time and they are good at helping them. I am sure you will be okay.

OP - dd1 was 14 days late, & I was totally convinced dd2 would be late too - but she came one day after edd.

I'm a proper woman. I had induction due to PROM- 3 days of early labour, forceps, a 3rd deg b tear and a huge haemmorage (3ltrs) and a retained placenta. I am extremely grateful to modern medicine. What happened doesn't make me in any way a proper woman.

Or not a proper woman.

OP I am sorry you had a traumatic birth the first time, and I really hope you don't have to go through the same this time, but please try to let go of this idea you have to do it all by yourself to be womanly. Without the sort of intervention available to us today, what was "womanly" was a high incidence of maternal and infant mortality. Your body has grown a whole human inside you, and you will nurture and love the child you have, birth is only a tiny part of life.

Lentilly - you're needed on another thread - some bitch making outrageous claims about how she feels about her own body!

Off you trot and sort her out, since you, apparently, are the arbiter of what people are "entitled" to feel.

lastnerve - I've had 3 children and never gone into labour spontaneously.

Although I wasn't as upset by my experiences as you seem to be by yours, I do recognise the feeling of frustration that your body can't seem to just do what seems so natural.

Were you debriefed after your last birth? Do you have any idea of why things went late? (family history, foetal position)

Have you a plan for what you want to happen this time should you go late again?

Would you feel more confident and less out of control if you hired a doula?

Oh do shut up. Like you I am entitled to my opinion. Unlike you I don't feel the need to shout 'cunt' to everyone who riles me. Now toddle off and follow someone else around - you are boring me.

OP, some women just carry babies longer.

i know someone who went to 43 weeks with each of her 4 children, and another who hasn't gone past 31.

i don't think your body has failed you, it is doing what it has to do, just for slightly longer than HCP's feel is "normal".

if you do go over this time, which you won't necessarily (my first was 2 weeks late, second was a day past his due date) then maybe that's just because you cook your babies a bit longer than most.
you don't h ave to accept induction if you don't want it. you can opt for monitoring instead

Yesterday that's a very good point - my colleague had a crash section with her first, nearly two weeks overdue and then when in labour 'failed' (!) to progress.

She had her second yesterday - two days overdue! So you may find this all sorts itself out at 40 wks.

Sorry you're worrying so much about this, I can understand. I had DD1 and +11 and DD2 at +8, with a lot of pressure to be induced each time (no reason for induction other than days over the ESTIMATED due date.

• EDD is very much an estimate
• different hosps let you go to 10/12/14+ days over before induction
• they may book you for induction on a particular day only to find that they are busy or short-staffed etc and so you're delayed by a couple of days

Things like that made me realise that it's not imperative to be induced on 42+14. As I understand it the womb does not start to 'disintegrate' after 42w but rather the placenta starts to function less effectively, but very slowly, it's not a 'cliff edge' thing.

There are sad stories where problems are caused by going overdue, but equally induction can pose a risk to babies and mothers, so it's a tricky decision.

I paid for a detailed scan at 38w to check baby was growing OK, placental function etc, the consultant felt that there would be no problem going over 42w based on that. I also had additional monitoring after 41w to check fluid levels, baby heartrate etc.

In both cases babies were born in great condition, no signs of post-maturity and no problems.

Don't feel like you failed in any way - you may have gone into labour spontaneously or you may not, but don't feel bad.