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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel disgruntled they haven't given me anything!

39 replies

Northumberlandlass · 16/07/2012 13:05

I work in Newcastle and live in a town 22 miles away, I drive in every day (public transport useless as I work 8-5).

2 weeks ago an old friend posted on FB about her car being broken and she was waiting for a new one to be delivered and could anyone give her a lift in the following day. I offered and we went to her flat to collect her the following morning, she asked for a lift back that night. All still fine - although I do go out of my way slightly to collect her / drop her off at home.

I've now done this every day for the last 2 weeks - car apparently being delivered today, so in theory this morning would be the last time she needed a lift.

I know I would be driving into Newcastle anyway, but she must be saving a fortune on petrol / buses! AIBU to think she might of offered me something?

I had to ask work colleagues for lifts for a week at the beginning of the year & bought them all a bottle of wine / card to say thanks!

Then last night I had a message from an acquaintance asking for lifts in / out of Newcastle on Tues/Wed this week....Am I a soft touch?

I really don't mind helping anyone out, I don't want to come across as being unhelpful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Northumberlandlass · 16/07/2012 13:06

I should add the acquaintance who asked for lifts Tues / Wed - has had loads of lifts before too, but not on a regular basis !

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 16/07/2012 13:07

It would have been nice to be given some chocs or something, yes.

Shutupanddrive · 16/07/2012 13:09

YANBU, its a bit rude not to offer. Especially as its been two weeks and your going out of your way. Is the acquaintance out of your way too? If so I would say fine as long as you can chip in for petrol as its out of my way (or just say no!)

NellyBluth · 16/07/2012 13:09

Nope, YANBU - that's just rude! As a much hated non-driver I always try to offer something for petrol, and in this case would definitely buy a present at the very least, but would probably offer petrol money.

Fiendishlie · 16/07/2012 13:11

I had a thing like this go on for an awfully long time, with me getting more and more frustrated.

A colleague asked me for a lift as we lived in the same village. I didn't give it a second thought. (I'm a nice person, me). I may even have said 'don't worry about it, anytime' or something equally nice. 'I'm going there anyway' maybe?

Anyway (you can see where this is going) fast forward a year and she is expecting me to take her there and back 5 days a week. She is re-arranging her shifts to match mine. She is calling my office to find out why I haven't left yet. She is asking how I expect her to manage when I am off.

And not once has she bought me so much as a bunch of flowers to say thank you, let alone offered me petrol money.

I got a new job.

Rosebud05 · 16/07/2012 13:12

If her lifts have only just finished, is it possible that she'll give you something later on in the week?

LadyBeagleEyes · 16/07/2012 13:14

As a non driver too, when I get lifts into town (60 miles) I always pay half the fuel costs.
Fuel costs a fortune, and even if people are going in anyway, I still pay.

sugarice · 16/07/2012 13:17

It is bad manners not to offer you some money towards petrol or a thank you gift at the very least. My 17 year old ds has a friend that has recently passed his test and they do a lot of driving around together, ds always gives his mate money towards petrol, surely it's a given.

Original poster
Northumberlandlass · 16/07/2012 13:21

Fiendishlie - that is awful - that would scare me a bit !! I'm a bit like you with the 'no problem!' / 'anytime'

Rosebud05 - I don't think that was her intention. I had mentioned last week I might be having a few people around soon and when she got out the car she said "Let me know if you have that party - see ya"...I really don't see her at all in everyday life (even though we live in the same town), we are very old friends who just keep in touch on FB.

shutupanddrive - the acquantaince will meet me in a convenient spot to be picked up.

Feel like a mug (albeit a nice one)

OP posts:
Fiendishlie · 16/07/2012 14:08

No, it didn't scare me, we were 'friends' (well, not afterwards!).

There is actually worse than I said in my post. She smelled bad and she used to get into my car and immediately launch into a narrative about her bodily functions. I swear that woman either vomited or had diarrhoea every morning for the whole time I was driving her to and from work.

I used to have to open my window for air as it used to make me heave.

Original poster
Northumberlandlass · 16/07/2012 14:30

Fiend - you coped with that for a year? That is horrendous.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 16/07/2012 14:34

Sorry you are a mug. An acquaintance on Facebook asked for lifts, and you volunteered to be a free minicab service for two weeks?? Confused

You are a mug. Sorry.

But three seems to be lots of mugs about....

Fiendishlie · 16/07/2012 14:37

We start off as nice, helpful people. The 'salt of the earth' who are described by others as 'doing anything for anyone'.

Then... well, yes, MUGS.

Original poster
Northumberlandlass · 16/07/2012 14:48

Agree Brew Sad

OP posts:
Paiviaso · 16/07/2012 14:51

If it was going to be a regular thing (until her car was sorted) I probably would have asked for petrol money from the start.

It's shit that she hasn't just offered petrol money after two weeks, or some other "thank you for saving my butt" token.

Shutupanddrive · 16/07/2012 17:11

Maybe you could give your car a few weeks off and get lifts in with her, she can hardly say no! Grin

Smokedsalmonbagel · 16/07/2012 17:15

YANBU

I give a friend a lot of lifts as she doesn't drive. She has never given me anything or got me a drink on a night out (cola!). I feel a bit resentful about it but it seems too petty to make a deal out of it with her!

SoleSource · 16/07/2012 17:33

YANBU An extra person in the car means weight and can equal extra fuel. Next time say no.

Original poster
Northumberlandlass · 16/07/2012 19:17

Got a message before saying "new car pick up Wed. See you in the morning!"

So I have 2 liftee's tomorrow and unbelievably 3 on Wed (good pal needs lift to station- agreed a while a go)

So... I'm Angry & Brew

OP posts:
Original poster
Northumberlandlass · 16/07/2012 19:18

I did feel petty this morning! But feel vindicated now.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 16/07/2012 19:19

Text back and say, will you be reimbursing my fuel for the past x days by cheque or cash as I am going to the bank/cashpoint tomorrow and I can deposit it whilst I am there.

Original poster
Northumberlandlass · 16/07/2012 19:21

sole i'm afraid i'm not that forward. Which is probably why i'm in this situation!!

Note to self: grow a back bone

OP posts:
Isityouorme · 16/07/2012 19:22

Text back jokey comment like don't forget my car is small so not a huge bunch of flowers please, or red wine is my preference!

ImperialBlether · 16/07/2012 19:25

I wouldn't give her any more lifts based on that. It's just taking advantage of you. Send her a text and say you've got belly ache and won't be going in until she's got her car.

UniS · 16/07/2012 20:04

ask her to pick you up on Thursday and friday ... and the next two weeks.

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