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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the neighbours are lazy or paranoid?

73 replies

KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 15/07/2012 22:50

We live in a nice cul de sac with friendly neighbours and each house has a lawn in front of it...including us, there are about 8 other homes with small DC..the rest of the houses are retired people...our DC are 7 and 4...the lady over the road has a DD aged 8...then there's the Dad 3 doors down who has his DD aged 7 over 4 nights a week Friday to Tuesday...the others are small...toddlers of around 3 or4 and in various houses.

We are the only family who play out on the lawn with the DC....or let them play whilst one of us sits and watches close by.

Today, a Dad who has recently moved in with his wife & son came out and played footbal withhis toddler and I was so pleased it was pathetic!

It had not really occurred to me that we were the only ones ever out the front...really...until I saw this other Dad doing it.

The question is...why are none of the ther parents playing with their DC outside ever?
I know we have gardens...but one of the points of living in the burbs is to be able to mix a little bit with other families...maybe God forbid te Kids coud even play together!

AIBU to think all the others are lazy or parnoid? DO you play out withyour DC or let them out if you live in a safe area?

OP posts:
BrittaPerry · 16/07/2012 07:54

We live at the opening to what I suppose is a big cul de sac (over 100 houses) and the dds play out ll the time. They are 5 and 2, so if he two year old is out I will be there reading a book or something, an the five year old gets my head poked out every ten minutes. Most of the day the front door is open and the kids have free access to the garden if the gate is shut. There is a gang of little kids further up the street where it is totally pedestrianised, so I sometimes o and read my book up there so the kids can play, and two of he houses near us hav grandchildren who visit.

In our last house the dds used to play in the front garden.

Flisspaps · 16/07/2012 08:07

What does the fact that you work have to do with anything? Confused

Even if you're the worlds nicest person, it makes your neighbours no less nice or any more lazy for choosing not to be out in their front gardens!

WaitingForMe · 16/07/2012 08:21

Our front garden isn't big enough to play in but even when we had one the kids never played in it. I have no desire to get to now my neighbours beyond polite hello's and if the kids are out the back I don't need to stop everything to keep an eye on them as the kitchen backs onto the garden.

Melindaaa · 16/07/2012 08:28

Why would you sit and watch the playing out the front, when they could play in the back garden safely, unsupervised?

I don't have a front garden, but if I did I'd have zero desire to socialise with my neighbours.

AmberLeaf · 16/07/2012 08:33

They don't have time to stop sit and watch?

They have play equipment in their gardens?

They think playing in the street is common?

Could be any number of reasons really.

Coconutty · 16/07/2012 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrittaPerry · 16/07/2012 08:43

We have a back garden too, but I want the kids to get used to talking to people and so on - I hate the way school segregates children from the wider community so I try to tackle that a bit by encouraging the kids to interact with people in general. Spending such a huge chunk out of her life at school means that my 5yo needs to learn normal life social skills, and they both love chatting to people, dogs, babies and so n that pass. Plus there is a bit of grass, a hill, a tree and some pavement. Hours of fun!

I just take my uni books or my work paperwork out with me. .

differentnameforthis · 16/07/2012 09:00

Oh yeah, because not playing out in front of our house means you never take your kids out or play with them outside EVER!! Hmm

suburbandream · 16/07/2012 09:07

We live at the end of a cul de sac, but there is a bend in the road so although there's loads of room for the DCs to play out front I'm not that keen on it as you can't see the cars till they are coming round the corner to turn round. There is another street v.close to us which we pass when walking the dog, and there are always lots of kids playing on bikes, scooters, with footballs etc. It's a small, straight cul de sac and looks lovely Smile. Not sure how the child-free residents feel about it though - maybe they'd prefer the kids to make noise in their own gardens!

mercibucket · 16/07/2012 09:08

There are just different types of parents and children, op, that's all. It is hard tho when your kids are younger and you want them to play out but there's not much company. Mine at 9 are old enough to call on friends in the area and are happier

EndoplasmicReticulum · 16/07/2012 09:16

Mine play in our back garden because it's bigger than the front, and I don't need to worry about traffic. We're on an estate, it's not a busy road, but my younger son has the road sense of a potato so I'd feel I'd have to watch him the whole time.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 16/07/2012 09:17

We live in an F shape cul de sac so the only traffic we get is the residents. At the end is a little grassy area which the kids call the green. It's a magnet for all other children as well because it's on a good hill for bikes and scooters.
DS would be mortified if I played out with him.

ErnesttheBavarian · 16/07/2012 09:18

why don't your kids just go and knock for the others? Start a trend.

ChopstheDuck · 16/07/2012 09:24

I think it's a little odd playing in the front garden tbh! I think it is more something the children would do on their own when they are old enough to be out unsupervised - I wouldn't sit out the front with them. I let my 7yo go up and down the road, but if i had a 4yo, they would both be in the back garden.

MulberryMoon · 16/07/2012 09:43

We used to play out in the road all the time when we were kids and it was great. We also used to play in the back garden. We rarely played in the front garden though. It was smaller than the back and i think we would have felt like we were on display, or performing on a stage or something as it was slightly raised.

kinkyfuckery · 16/07/2012 10:03

The child over the road is never allowed out? How do you know that? She maybe doesn't want to play out in the front

PenisVanLesbian · 16/07/2012 10:09

Maybe they don't want to hang around with people who call them lazy and paranoid for no reason at all? Hmm

DeWe · 16/07/2012 10:56

I would think it was strange for a family to play together out the front when they've got a back garden. If they're playing with friends, then fine, but as a family, it looks rather attention seeking-"look we're such a brilliant family, we play together so well".

DontEatTheVolesKids · 16/07/2012 12:05

Tis the modern way. Indoors with screens & gadgets. Can't let them play alone & don't want to supervise either.

My old neighbourhood we had the very old-fashioned oddity of small (age 3+) children playing out with no adult supervision at all. They had strict roaming limits & other rules to follow. Big onus on siblings & cousins to look our for each other. I loved it. Had no idea how rare it was becoming. :(

oldraver · 16/07/2012 12:44

Why would you want to play out front when you have a perfectly acceptable back garden.... surely thats what they are for ? Confused

BettySuarez · 16/07/2012 13:07

Thinking that they are lazy and parnoid may be a bit over the top, but perhaps they are quite antisocial?

We also lived in a culdesac when ours were little and were constantly outside with the children (bikes, prams, football etc). It was a very popular area for young families and so DH and I would often end up spending most of the summer supervising other peoples bloody kids too plus dishing out plasters, tissues, letting them use the loo or grab a drink, filling up water pistols and fixing punctures.

We didn't mind, we were just grateful that our children were able to play out and socialise in a safe area but it did annoy me that not once did any of the parents come and introduce themselves or say hello etc.

We didn't do what we did for their kids, we did it for our own but a few neighbourly words would have been nice!

BettySuarez · 16/07/2012 13:09

dewe do you really think it strange for families to be playing outside together? Attention seeking - how sad Sad

Llanbobl · 16/07/2012 14:19

OP I would think you odd and imagine that your back garden was a jungle and so unusable. In the town I live it's certain families in certain areas that are out on the Where I live it's the troubled families that are out on the front with the kids and the garden chairs.

I guess I'm a snob but it's horribly common. Back gardens for socialising and playing and front garden for display - nice lawn, neat borders, that sort of thing. Front gardens are not for play equipment or children playing.

yesiamanaturalblue · 16/07/2012 14:44

YABU to think they are lazy and or paranoid.
But...I think it just depends on the street and the people that live in it.
Our street is not a cul de sac, We don't have front gardens, our front doors open straight on to the path (Victorian terraced) We do have long back gardens. When we moved in, ds was 2. Neighbours children played up and down the long straight street, a group of them from about the age of 4-12 y/o. When ds was 4 he started to go out with them too, I used to sit on the doorstep and watch him, but he goes on his own now, (he's almost 7 now btw). I don't let ds out if no other children are out, and he knows where his boundaries are and not to go past said lampost and not to go in the road under any circumstances etc. There are many streets round by us like ours. Some of them have kids playing out, some don't. Just have a drive/walk around and you will probably see for yourself that children play out in some and others they don't.

BsshBossh · 16/07/2012 15:56

Maybe the parents don't want to supervise - not even from their kitchen
Maybe the parents aren't bothered about socialising with the neighbours (perhaps they and their DC have enough friends/social experiences)
Maybe the older residents have complained about noise
Maybe the parents themselves think the street would be too noisy if all the DC played out all the time
Maybe these families go out and about alot and home time is for chilling/staying in

Who knows! I understand where you're coming from OP but YABU for thinking these parents lazy or paranoid!