To want to show this blog post to smug parents of easy babies?

[skipinmyskip]

I find this blog strangely addictive. She is a mum who is very different to me in many ways. She has a girl who is 2 something, and she was always (to me) pretty smug about how easy it all was.

Now she has had number 2 and is eating some humble pie. She now knows it wasn't her great parenting that made her number 1 an easy baby. See here styleberry

My DD was a HARD HARD baby, and I feel like directing all the mums who are smug about their easy babies to it!

My ds easy baby- horrific toddler .

it can change.

OP interesting thread. From the other side of things, I find (as a parent of 'easy' children) that I cant admit how easy they are to others for fear of being labelled as smug. Its sad that I genuinely feel I cant comment. I either say nothing in these conversations or I lie to sympathise. Its unfair really but thats how it is.

My oldest is almost 7 and I've learned the hard way as once upon a time I used to say things like "oh we're so lucky, shes the easiest baby ever" and was quickly told I didnt know I was born/ couldnt contribute to certain conversations etc (despite going on to have 3) as I didnt know what I was talking about. People (mothers in particular) were quite snappy with me, lots of eye rolling although I genuinely dont feel like I've ever behaved smug or superior - just lucky. I've never offered advice to those with 'difficult' babies either - just sympathy.

I've had 3, as I said, the oldest is almost 7 and the smaller two are 1 & 2. All 3 have slept 12 hours per night since a couple of weeks old, we've never noticed any of them teething, they eat everything (edible or not), can count on one hand how many tantrums all 3 have had between them (so far), they remember their manners (the older 2) and dd1 does very well at school . I cant tell people this. Thats sad. My gran shamelessly boasts to other family members how great our dc are and I've had to ask her to stop as it was clearly causing annoyance.

We talk endlessly about the other (gorgeous) dc in the family.

You cant win.

Sole, Im sorry to hear about your ds. I hope hes well.

Oh and can I just add, I constantly get the 'they are going to kill you during the teenage years to make up for all of this' (which yeah, they might ) and (from 2 very close family members when pregnant with both dc2 and 3) "I hope the next one kills you guys, you've had it too easy so far"

Nice.

I know I must a 'smug' mom, cos every time I see my nieces baby she screams from the beginning to end of every visit at different family events. Her baby only wants her all the time. Phew! I am so thankful that I did not have this.

I'm glad I clicked on this thread as I followed the links through to the high- needs baby bit. It was a revelation - my DS was like this and if I'd known about it I wouldn't have spent my whole time worrying that he was abnormal. Well worrying when I wasn't hallucinating through lack of sleep and physical exhaustion.
Apparently high- needs babies turn out to be sensitive, creative, cautious and empathetic and actually that describes ds completely- though these things have their challenges too. When he was a baby I was worried he would turn out to be a hyper-active monster but he really didn't though he still has far too much energy.
Thanks OP!.

I'm a proud mum (internally proud I don't go around gushing about how awesome my boys are) to two easy children. Well easy babies. Ds1 is 6 now and has some issues. ds2 is 14 weeks. Both slept great and went 12 hours from 8 weeks. Both fed well, both content and easy going and never caused any real problems with no special effort from me. So I've never been able to enter these competitive misery discussions with other mothers end have sat feeling totally excluded around mums lamenting over their problems, playing 'I've got it harder than you', not daring to admit I've got it easy incase they claw my eyes out.

I've met and know a few smug mums (and dads). It's not about having an 'easy' baby, or being proud of your children - that doesn't annoy me at all. It's the mums who think their supreme parenting skills are what makes their baby a good sleeper/eater/walker etc. Obviously how you parent is influential but there's a strong element of 'nature' too. When DD1 was a few months old, and a terrible sleeper, I met a mum at baby group who told me smugly that her similar-age baby slept through the night "because she had a good bedtime routine from birth". I would have loved to have a good bedtime routine with DD1 but all she wanted to do was cry all evening so it wasn't possible.

I've had 3 easy babies. I try not to be smug. But it's tricky.

Why do we say babies are easy/hard, good/bad?

It makes no sense to me conveying such adult behaviours on a baby who knows no better.

IMO they all have their moments..

Ds1 was an easy baby but I only say that in retrospect. He was my first and tbh I still found it hard. Certainly I wasn't smug, just knackered.

I agree with you about the good/bad but a baby that can be put down/sleeps for 4 hours at a stretch/doesn't have colic is easier to look after than one that sleeps for only 2 hours at a time, wants constantly to be held and is inconsolable b/w 6 and 10 every night.

DD2 on the other hand is a very easy baby. She just is, it's her nature. She potters around the living room trashing it playing happily with toys while I get on with mumsnet the washing up or whatever. She usually goes to bed very easily - I feed her, put her in cot awake, she goes to sleep. I feel very lucky! And I know it's not because of my wonderful bedtime routine , she's just that way inclined.

al babies and parents anre individual and so much of parenting sadly can be so competitive.

I have no problem with anyone discussing how 'easy' or 'hard' their parenting experience is but like the op I have met mums and have one in the family who used to shake their heads sadly and say that if you just get a baby into a routine from the minute it exits your boody fanjo then your baby too will be an 'angel baby'. Total wank.

Some one said up thread that there's no such thing as an easy baby. Bollocks. DD1 slept very little, cried for hours on end, took hours to feed and then invariably threw most of it up, hated the sling, hated her buggy, detested being in the car and couldn't stand noisy public places. DC 2 and 3 came along, and yes, they moat certainly were easy. Content, efficient feeders, good sleepers etc. Etc.
Saying a baby is difficult is not about giving a negative label. It's not saying the child is any less precious. It's just acknowledging the fact that they are hardwork.
I never had a problem with parents of easy babies, unless they attempt to imply it is down to their superior parenting. I haven't met that many smug parents, but I've certainly met a few.

I was a smug mum when dd was a baby, all she done was eat and sleep, slept all night from a few weeks, was happy contented, even when she started to crawl and walk she was just a wee gem..........

Then I had ds, that is a place I never ever want to go back to, I hit the real word with a bump, I still have nightmares about his first 2 years and he is 7 now!

Well, maybe the blogger will come and tell us what she thinks, since she is getting all these hits to her blog.

Fwiw, I think that she is typical of mothers who have a fairly easy time with their first child and think it is down to their superior parenting. I thought that too, until my second child was born.

Good on her for admitting this on her blog. I hope it helps other mums realise that they are not doing anything wrong.

If you do read this, Shawna - you wrote about finding back to yourself. It will happen and you may well find that you like the new you better because of the experiences you have made. Keep in your mind that this is a phase, it will pass. My 'difficult' second child is now 8 years old and the loveliest boy, with imagination and wit. Still drives me up the wall sometimes cause he never stops talking, but at least he sleeps!

My easy baby is DS2. Every day I thank god, jeebus and the universe that he has not yet turned into the highly strung drama queen that is DS1

Maybe I'm just a better parent now though, having had the first to practice with...?

My babies are "easy" because I am teflon coated and able to function on 4 hours sleep a genius parent. So there. And I won't have a smug mummy blog tell me otherwise

My kids give me plenty of material to post on fb but i choose not to share it. I think they're the most fab three children in the world. They're not perfect. Neither am i. I have friends who harp on and on ,on fb and RL, about the marvels of their kids and, even at 18mth, how their son was so advanced he was experiencing the terrible twos I listen. I'm not bothered either way. I'm the proper definition of smug!!! (OED...self satisfied)

Both of mine easy as pie.

DS2 is more um, boisterous than DS1 was.

I am clearly the smuggest of the smug.

I made it as easy on myself as I could though, I don't sweat the small stuff and I do what works in the moment with no worrying about routines or rods for my back or any crap like that.

If the baby wants to sleep on the boob, then the baby goes to sleep on the boob and I went to sleep as well.

If getting dressed for the day is too hard, then oh well there will be other days.

If the baby is crying while I am having a poo or a shower then oh well, that's life.

And so on.

No, I don't think I have met many parents of "easy babies" who are genuinely smug.
It was me, the parent of a high maintenance first child who often thought they were being smug, but it was just as they were more rested than myself and dh.

I have only received a very smug comment from someone who was then pg, who told me it wasn't good for ds to sleep so little, as grey cells in the brain multiply when asleep. Wtf???

My DD has been very easy. I am aware of how lucky I am. She sleeps well, most of the time, eats anything I put in front of her, hasn't had anything worse than a cold yet, and does funny things which make me laugh.

I am lucky. And I know it.

Except for the spiteful people - even people who should just be pleased for me like my mother who accuse me of being smug and say things like "you don't know you're born". It is hardly my fault that I have an easy baby, and don't see why it should be a stick to beat me with.

She isn't perfect, but I don't complain because I know how lucky I am. Does that make me smug? Or does that just make other people jealous?

Now I am pregnant with DD2 the same people are taking great joy in telling me how different DD2 will be, how hard my life is going to get, how I'll realise how lucky I have been with DD1 etc etc etc. "Two under two" they shriek with joy, and practically cackle down the phone.

It's very frustrating. Can't win actually. If when people make jokes about how tired I must be I say no, actually, DD sleeps through I'm very lucky, I am apparently smug.

They don't take into consideration the absolute shit fest than has been my bad health and lack of wealth this past year. No, apparently I have a perfect life because I have a perfect (she actually isn't) baby, and I have nothing to complain about FFS.

So I actually find OP talking about humble pie to be, although probably meant to be lighthearted, a little close to the bone. So YABU, sorry. Rant over :)

But petite I honestly don't think that you saying you are lucky because you DD sleeps though IS smug. You admit you are lucky, that is not smug at all. And I am certainly not saying that if you have a relatively 'easy/settled' baby that life is all roses, not saying that at all.

I am just talking about smug parents, which, as I said in my later post, is very different to parents who realise how lucky/fortuante they are to have easy going babies.

I don't think there are that many really smug parents though. People tend to accuse them of being smug. I'm not smug - I honestly don't think I am - but I have had the most incredibly crass things said to me through pure jealousy.

I'm not attacking you OP, just having a rant. Touched a nerve you see :)

I BF DD2 (still do), carried her everywhere in a sling for 6 months (well still do but not as much). Local Mum with same aged DD constantly rolled her eyes at my sling carrying/BF ways and told me 100 times I was "making a rod for my own back".

Not quite sure what that means - I just smiled & nod, smiled & nod.

One year on and she's now telling me her DD is a nightmare, doesn't sleep, is very demanding and very hard work. Whereas my DD2 is fierce but brilliant and usually pretty chilled. Where was the rod I wonder????

I'm still smiling and nodding like a bloody dog - but seriously these are really silly things to say and I don't have polite answers.

I've had one difficult and one easy baby. There was a huge difference between their temperaments, their predictability, the amount they slept/smiled/fed etc.

I was NOT smug when I got the easy one (DC2) because I knew it was nothing I'd done to make him that way, it was sheer luck.

Like other posters have said, it's not smug to have or talk about an easy baby; it is smug to tell people it's because of something you've done as a parent. One I have heard quite a few times is a variation on 'well, I think we're quite chilled-out, relaxed parents and that seems to have rubbed off on DC'. Grrrrr.

Mind you, I have also heard parents of difficult babies suggests that it's because the child is highly intelligent