Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To want to show this blog post to smug parents of easy babies?

87 replies

skipinmyskip · 15/07/2012 21:59

I find this blog strangely addictive. She is a mum who is very different to me in many ways. She has a girl who is 2 something, and she was always (to me) pretty smug about how easy it all was.

Now she has had number 2 and is eating some humble pie. She now knows it wasn't her great parenting that made her number 1 an easy baby. See here styleberry

My DD was a HARD HARD baby, and I feel like directing all the mums who are smug about their easy babies to it!

OP posts:

Kayano · 15/07/2012 22:43

True bogey.

I had commented on dd sleeping through once, then confided in someone that I was feeling down, to which I was told I was not allowed to be down because I had it so 'easy'

No thought as to how having a baby can induce anxiety which I already suffered from, panic attacks etc. My self confidence was in the shitter because there is so much pressure on women to do things a certain way already

I was lucky that dd slept through but no it isn't EVER easy and annoying generalisations accusations of smugness just because they sleep well is annoying.

I don't say 'you are a whinger because you have a terribly hard baby' so don't say I am smug for having an 'easy' baby.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 15/07/2012 22:45

it's not the discussing the easy baby that is the problem. it is the sneering "you are doing it all wrong because your baby does not do x, y or z that my baby does" that is the problem. I have met the occasional smug parent, mainly about potty training as both of mine had problems for different medical reasons.

I may have been a bit smug if ds had come first... he was a regulation 6 feeds a day baby... dd on the other hand... well we thought it a massive improvement when she only fed 13 times a day!

dd has turned into a dream sleeper and exceptionally well behaved child. that dream baby... he is making up for dd's good behaviour... and is the tantrum king!

HumphreyCobbler · 15/07/2012 22:47

you think people are smug when they say things like

"Well my toddler talks because I spend hours every day having interesting conversations" after I have mentioned my concerns that DS wasn't talking.

"My baby sleeps because I make sure he has regular naps. And I never take him up if he wakes in the night. We have rules in our house" when I have mentioned that I am getting no sleep.

Just having a low maintenance baby does not equal smug, you actually have to say annoying stuff too

ToothbrushThief · 15/07/2012 22:54

My favourite smug was a man who wasn't yet a parent but told me what his DC would be like and it would all be down to firm but loving parenting....whilst raising an eyebrow at my lively and lovely DD.

I did have an easy baby. Had she been my only child I suspect I'd have regaled you all with how it should be done

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 15/07/2012 22:55

kayano... what the other parent said to you was crap and they were being an arse.

Pixel · 15/07/2012 23:20

She has just baked a pudding using home grown ingredients and eggs from the hens.....

Lol, I've just made a cake with rhubarb from my allotment and eggs from my hens. I'm not on Facebook though so will you let me off?

Dd was 'easy' but I don't think I was smug because I didn't think any of it was down to my parenting, just that I was lucky to have such a perfect PFB! I didn't think anyone else was a worse parent than me, just felt sorry for them having inferior babies.
Then ds came along and I joined the ranks of bleary-eyed mothers. I never thought then that the mothers of good sleepers were smug, I was too tired to think that straight just wondered why I'd thought it was a good idea to have a second baby!

tiggytape · 15/07/2012 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bogeyface · 15/07/2012 23:25

I should say that I have been called smug after being asked for advice. Seems like you cant get it right!

My friend has terrible sleepers and asked me what I do with my lot as mine have always been pretty good sleepers (apart from DS2 but he is a law unto himself!). So I told her what I do, and told her about DS2 who didnt sleep through until after his 6 week old sister did (and still isnt great now) to show that you can follow all the rules but there are no guarantees as each child is different.

She then got very snotty and said I was being smug as I had obviously got it all right. But I wasnt and I havent! And i wasnt claiming I had it all right, just telling her what I had done, as SHE ASKED ME TO! If I had refused to discuss I would have been a bad friend though wouldnt I

bogeyface · 15/07/2012 23:29

Tiggy DD had colic and it is a source of pride and hilarity to her and her siblings that she screamed for 5 hours a night, every night, for three months! go figure :o

But I dont think of her as a difficult baby, just a baby. Why this "hard" and "easy" baby labels? A baby is a baby. Some just have different needs than others and are more (or less) vocal about them, and yes it does affect the parent more or less depending on the child, but by labelling a baby has hard or easy you are putting the responsibility of how you are feeling onto someone who cant help it and has no knowledge or control over what they are doing!

I am really uncomfortable by this negative labelling.

bogeyface · 15/07/2012 23:42

with this labelling, not by.

Creamtea1 · 15/07/2012 23:55

Smug doesn't end after the baby stage has finished..,continues at school - boys that are perfect because they love football 'oh it's just in his blood' whereas as non football likers are cast aside with smug 'oh maybe when he's a bit older, at least there is a gang of them who aren't interested' and as for school reports all over Facebook well that is a real pet hate - get a life, if you're proud of your child, tell your child!!! Not a load of adults on Facebook most of whom won't even know your child!!

bogeyface · 15/07/2012 23:59

I have a child that has had some really remarkable achievements. I dont post on here or FB about them, and am selective who I tell in RL because of the accusations of smugness.

I find it very sad that I cant occasionally mention how proud I am of her, for fear of that :(

Oh and I was once called "pleased with myself" when I gushed about how proud I was that my son with cerebal palsy managed to finish the school mini cross country. Seriously :(

Kayano · 16/07/2012 00:03

I once got questioned about when I said dd slept well (12 hours). Apparently it's smug and it's an 'awful long time to go without food'

That'll be it then

She is sleeping because she is actually so exhausted from my starving her and refusing to get up during the night that she can't open her eyes...

Seriously

LucieMay · 16/07/2012 00:10

I wasn't smug when DS slept through from the age of about 2/3 months, I was just extremely grateful! And I have always shown sympathy to parents who have struggled with sleeping tots and never thought I was somehow a better mother.

DeepPurple · 16/07/2012 00:10

Oh ffs parents can't do right for doing wrong. If your baby is easy you are smug, if they are bad it's not your fault.

Babies are just babies. Dd slept 12 hours a night from 14 weeks, she eats anything put in front of her, she potty trained more or less in 3 days. I'm not smug. I'm proud of her. She still had her moments where she is difficult, where I don't understand her needs and where I just don't know what to do next.

I feel bad when others ask me for advice as I don't have any. It all fell in to place because it's how she is. Patronising other people does not make me feel better or smug. I do not feel the need to bring others down or rub their noses in things that aren't going to plan. An I smug? No! Do I have to bring others down to feel better? No! You decide who makes for a better parent cos I can't be arsed to.

fortyplus · 16/07/2012 00:12

Have to laugh at the idea that smugness stops with babies! A friend of mine posted this vomit-inducing status update on facebook on Friday: Never been so proud of my kids. DD1 off to Africa tonight after working and saving up for 18 months, and DS2 brings home top marks in his KS2 SATs. Whatever did we do that was so right?? *sobs into hanky :')

TouTou · 16/07/2012 00:15

I don't know if I was smug, but I did think my DD sleeping through from early and weaning easily and being fairly easy going was down to my parenting.

MWAHAHAHAHAH.

Had DS and it crapped all over my theoryt that it was anything other than down to my DD being a fairly easy going little girl. DS was, and is, HARD work. Didn't sleep, didn't and doesn't eat, needy, very whiny. Delightful little boy but a thousand times higher maintenance.

I didn't really understand enough to truly sympathise with friends who had 'difficult' babies and they probably wanted to throw things at my head. Not that I was crowing, but just because I probably looked like I was swanning around finding life easy with my first - which in fairness - I did.

EightiesChick · 16/07/2012 00:28

fortyplus argh at that FB update! There's no need..

LucieMay · 16/07/2012 00:32

But what's wrong with being proud of older kids? My six y o ds may have failed his phonics test but he swam 400 metres this week which I am super proud of him for and yes updated fb. Doesn't mean I think he's perfect or better than other kids as clearly he isn't, it's just nice happy news yo share.

MammaTJ · 16/07/2012 01:51

Sole does being blind really make a baby sleep for such a long time? I have never heard this at all. Certainly not the case with the blind adults I have looked after. Why is it?

pigletmania · 16/07/2012 06:56

I have an easy baby, but feel I deserve one as dd was a very very hard baby it was insane, she has now been dx as having ASD though

Original poster

skipinmyskip · 16/07/2012 07:17

redwhite and humphrey have hit the nail on the head for me. It's not having a great sleeping/eating/whatever baby that bothers me in the slightest, not at all. It is parents of said babies who are smug about it - as redwhite said, it is the sneering about what they are doing right and YOU are doing wrong. There is nothing wrong with being proud, I like proud, you should be proud of your children. There is a world of difference between someone saying;

"my 3 month old DD sleeps 12 hour a night, I cannot believe my luck!"

and

"well, my DD sleeps 12 hours a night because I have on her a wonderful schedule that I implemented and ensures she gets the exact amount of age appropriate stimulation, fresh air, breast milk and naps. You aren't doing that? Ah, I see....."

BTW I think the blogwriter deserves respect for admitting how hard it is second time around!

OP posts:

AChickenCalledKorma · 16/07/2012 07:39

For goodness sake people. The OP didn't have a go at all parents of easy babies. She had a go at smug parents who think the fact that their baby sleeps/eats/talks/stays quiet for five minutes is all due to their superior skills and nothing to do with the sheer randomness of baby personalities.

And I agree with her that the blog is a nice summing-up of the way that the second baby's personality can completely take you by surprise with it's sheer difference.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 16/07/2012 07:39

Ive had 2 difficult babies, ds had colic and reflux, dd just cried/didn't sleep for 6 months. Nearly went insane both times. Now I'm pg with dc3 I commented to my mum that I was due an "easy" one, she said it won't happen because it's me that's neurotic and causing the babies to be difficult. Gee thanks mum. This is despite every time she had dd for me as a baby, she would ring me within an hour to ask when I was coming back as dd wouldn't sleep/stop crying.
I confess I am jealous of women with easy babies, but wouldn't ever think of them as smug unless they said something negative about me/mine and now mine are older I wouldn't change it for the world.

trio38 · 16/07/2012 09:38

I am smug because my babies are, without a doubt, the most delightful beings on the planet and I presume everyone secretly wishes they were theirs. This would be because of my excellent parenting.

They are little buggers sometimes though. That is genetic (and mostly down to their father).

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread