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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this be unreasonable to ask a mum I am sort of friendly with?

40 replies

dribbleface · 15/07/2012 09:48

DS2 (9mths) has just come out in chicken pox, DS1 had it 2 weeks ago so was expecting it.

It's DS1's last week at pre-school this week (he only goes Tues/Wed morning). We often walk home with a little boy and his mum, they live about 1 street away and have to walk past my front door to go to pre-school (which is a 10 mintue walk). I can get someone over to have DS2 so I can collect DS1 but won't be able to get him there. Obvioulsy wouldn't take DS2 out (despite the temptation!)

Would it be really off of me to ask if she would mind taking DS1 for me? I can't decide if this is really not the doen thing or whether she would mind. DS1 doesn't want to miss his last 2 days, there is lots going on.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Sarcalogos · 15/07/2012 09:51

It's not unreasonable to ask, as long as you politely respond to whichever answer you get.

megandraper · 15/07/2012 09:51

Absolutely fine to ask. If I were your sort-of-friend I would be very happy to help. I suppose the only caveat would be - if she was TTC or in the early stages of pregnancy (and not wanting to talk about it yet) she might not want the contact with your child, even to the point of coming to your door. So maybe ask in a way that gives her an easy let-out, without her having to say this.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 15/07/2012 09:51

Not U at all, I've done/had done similar for/by people, some I know better than others.

Ask, worst that happens she says no!

motherinferior · 15/07/2012 09:52

It's entirely reasonable. And totally the done thing.

Rachog · 15/07/2012 09:54

I would ask, but don't take it personally if she says no.

Sirzy · 15/07/2012 09:54

Nothing wrong with asking as long as you don't get upset if she says no. If someone asked me though I would say yes especially if I am walking past anyway

Original poster
dribbleface · 15/07/2012 09:55

Had thought that bedhopper but has this converstaion with her last weekend as she/her DS came to DS1's birthday party (he was scabbed over), but worth thinking carefully about how I word it.

I find this really hard, no idea why, guess its just new to me! They all start school together in Sept so hoping I will be able to help her out if she ever needed it (regardless of whether she can do this for me)

OP posts:
thornrose · 15/07/2012 09:55

I think it's a perfectly reasonable request. Put yourself in her position, how would you feel if you were asked? If I was the other mum I wouldn't hesitate to help out.

Sirzy · 15/07/2012 09:55

Perhaps you could offer to pick up her lo and drop him off home in return (if your childcare will cover the extra time)

Original poster
dribbleface · 15/07/2012 09:56

Wouldn't be upset if she said no, just would hate to make her feel uncomfortable. Will think how to word it and go for it.

OP posts:
DilysPrice · 15/07/2012 09:57

I asked an acquaintance this - she was fine with it, as long as its a one off then it's fine.

Original poster
dribbleface · 15/07/2012 09:57

Sirzy - good idea, no problem collecting him for her at all.

OP posts:
thornrose · 15/07/2012 09:59

You could put a little note through her door, add your phone number for her to let you know?

seeker · 15/07/2012 10:01

I cannot begin to understand why anyone would say no. Ask- it'llbe fine.

Unless she's one of those people who I've actually only ever met on Mumsnet who regard another parent asking them the time as a massive imposition and an unwarranted invasion of privacy. In which case, her problem not yours!

Original poster
dribbleface · 15/07/2012 10:08

seeker - I think I've spent far too much time on AIBU, have a distorted view of the world! Grin

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 15/07/2012 10:10

Just ask, the worst that can happen is she'll say no. I think most people would be happy to help in the circumstances unless they have medical reasons not to.

Sirzy · 15/07/2012 10:16

With them about to be school I would be happy to build a friendship whereby you can help each other if their is an issue!

seeker · 15/07/2012 10:22

I think most people would be happy to help in the circumstances unless they have medical reasons not to."

Allergy to other people's children? Congenital inability to form the word "yes"?
Chronic and incurable selfishness?

Bakerbelle · 15/07/2012 10:24

I am always delighted to help other mums, I am sure she will be pleased to help.

AnyFucker · 15/07/2012 10:25

Grin @ seeker

I would be happy to this, OP

ask away

gamerwidow · 15/07/2012 10:26

seeker all of those stated plus a compromised immune system or close contact with someone with a compromised immune system or someone pregnant with no CP immunity. :)

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 15/07/2012 10:27

There are a few mums that walk passed my door, I am better aquainted with some than others, however, last week when I was running really late but the kids were ready waiting on the lawn at the front, a lady offered to take them with her and for me to catch up when I was ready.... It was a Godsend, I wouldn't have asked, but it made me realise how lovely people can be.

ToryLovell · 15/07/2012 10:27

Like Baker, I'm always happy to help out others as it makes me feel less bad if I have to ask for a favour. I'm sure she'll be fine about it, it's not exactly out of her way

gamerwidow · 15/07/2012 10:28

although tbf she wouldn't need to come into contact with DS2 but she might be extra cautious.

ENormaSnob · 15/07/2012 10:32

I would do this for you no problem.

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