AIBU to refuse contact?

[SugarWay]

First time posting, on behalf of my friend who is asking for advice.

Her story is that she fell in love and got married and became pregnant and her daughter is now 22 months old. The relationship started going wrong when she was pregnant, lots of nasty violent things happened, and as soon as she could, she instigated divorce proceedings and the divorce came through about six months ago.

Since the divorce came through, her ex has become increasingly unstable and she has had to get a restraining order against him. He broke that, and so she changed her number and moved house. He followed her home from her dad's one day and then went through her dustbin to discover her new number from a pizza box. Police arrested him outside her new house three times and he has now got 12 months probation and community service.

It was a clean break divorce. He has not asked for any contact, nor paid any maintenance since the divorce.

Now he has applied for contact. My friend suspects this is only a ploy for him to remain in her life. She has refused contact on the basis of his unreasonable behaviour and that he has had dozens chances to behave like a normal human being and act like a dad. As she says "he is never going to change"

Now she has now received court papers from his solicitor. She is very very worried as she does not want her daughter to have any contact with her ex at all. She is even prepared to go to prison over it.

What advice can people offer? Does anyone have any similar experiences that they can share. What sort of things does a court look for when deciding on such things?

Thanks in advance!

Just an update, my friend has had to move house yet again, and change her phone number yet again. The police prosecuted the ex for breach of the restraining order but he did not go to prison and his "punishment" was that the restraining order was extended for a further two years. My friend has attended the DV course that she was asked to do, and jumped through all the hoops that Cafcass have put her through. The ex has not paid any maintenance and has not attended the DV course. However she has been able to move on with her life a little, and because she is happier, her children are happier.

However, she has lost her legal aid as her father put some money into her bank account to enable her to move house before the end of her tenancy, thus losing her deposit, and although she has reapplied, her solicitor will not even talk to her until they hear the result of her reapplication.

However, the court case is due in just three weeks time and today her solicitor has written asking her to put them in funds to the tune of £1,500 refundable if legal aid does come through.

Then Cafcass got in touch to say that although they can't see any prospect of long term contact, they do want her daughter to attend four contact sessions with the father.

What a dreadful day. My friend is distraught. She has been crying her eyes out for at least five hours. She does not know what to do, but she is absolutely adamant that there is no way that she is ever going to voluntarily let him have contact.

Does anyone have any advice / suggestions as to how I can help my friend?

Thanks once again.

I think she will have to let the contact occur. She could be prosecuted if she refuses. Cafcass generally believes that all children benefit from contact with both their biological parents, as they need to know where they come from. Research has shown that when children are insecure about their background, they tend to have low self esteem leading to emotional and behavioural problems later in life. So the contact is always seen as beneficial to the child, not the mother or father.

If it is in a contact centre, is there any real risk that the dc would be harmed as it would be supervised? Your friend does not need to have any contact with her ex during contact.

Honestly, let him have the supervised contact - the minute it stops being a battle then no doubt he won't even bother to turn up.

I agree let him have the contact in the contact centre. Your friend wont be there when contact occurs so she wont have to see him. I can totally get how she is feeling. He is a horrible man. Hope it gets better for your friend.