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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say I just don't want to do this?

67 replies

Jiggleballs123 · 14/07/2012 13:16

My sister is getting married very soon and my neices (brothers two children & another on the way any day now) are to be bridesmaids. We've all know about the wedding for over a year and it will involve going away to the location for a week for the rehearsals etc.

We've all had our accommodation booked for months and have paid deposits but my brother has had to pull out last minute to be blunt it is his own fault he won't be able to afford to go because he's been gambling (long story) and has got himself into a heap of debt borrowing money. So now they won't be coming. ATM he's saying he will drive down just for the wedding day.

My sister has asked me to look after my neices for the week so that they can still come and I don't want to do it.

They are 3 and 4 and I have a 4 year old boy who is a handful enough for me I need eyes in the back of my head and I just won't be able to cope with 3 kids. When I have them overnight my partner is here and we are exhausted by the end of the evening and my partner will not be coming to the wedding so it will just be me. They are well behaved girls but when the two of them get together with my son they all go wild. I only have a double bed in my room as it is which I'm going to share with my son so there is hardly any space. I realise typing this that i sound very selfish but I just don't think I'm up to being responsible for 3 small children for a whole week.

I am also slightly annoyed about a few things which I wont' go into but things people have done make me think 'why should I'.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jiggleballs123 · 14/07/2012 16:58

Love it gingerone what is it about weddings that send people a bit crazy?

I'm told I won't understand until I have my own wedding, what's the secret?

OP posts:

whackamole · 14/07/2012 19:45

It all sounds very ostentatious and a bit mental tbh.

Tell her no, you can't do that, but that your brother will drive the girls down the morning of the wedding. They might get excited, but having a rehearsal will not change that!

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/07/2012 21:46

"the rehearsal is 4 days before the wedding and she is adamant that she wants them there or else they won't know what to do on the day she's also worried it will all go pear shape as the kids won't perform because they will be excited."
Sorry, but your sister is a bit of an arse. If she wants them there then SHE can take care of them.

But the sensible thing to do would be for them to come down on the day. Perform? They are her nieces, not circus animals!

Just say no. And if she starts getting 'adamant', threaten to not come down until the day, too. Frankly, a week for a wedding? Totally ridiculous!!

plantsitter · 14/07/2012 21:53

There's no way you'll be able to do the things she wants you to do for the wedding AND look after 3 small children. If she doesn't have kids, she will not know this.

There's no way 3 & 4 yr olds will remember what they're supposed to do 3 days later (or, let's face it,a couple of hours later). Again, if she doesn't have kids she might not think about that.

Won't they be horribly homesick anyway? Personally I wouldn't even consider doing it.

TroLoLoLo · 14/07/2012 21:55

YANBU, really, don't even think about doing it. Rehearsals for a three and four year old are fairly pointless unless she is planning on staging a new Andrew Lloyd Webber production

Your DS is being Very U asking you to do it

Just say NO. ....And the sooner you say it the better.

Good luck

RandomMess · 14/07/2012 21:59

Just say "no" I won't cope with them so I won't be able to do it.

Could your dp collect your brother and nieces on the day to make sure they turn up for the wedding?

Inertia · 14/07/2012 22:06

YANBU. You'll be busy looking after your own child and doing bridesmaidy stuff.

Your brother and sister will have to sort out arrangements between them. Surely the rehearsal is just 10 minutes in the wedding venue the night before? Or is she staging a West End production? Maybe your brother can improve his fortunes by selling tickets...

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 14/07/2012 22:07

Just say 'No'. Go on, you can do it.

She's barking if she thinks a rehearsal 4 days before the wedding is going to make a blind bit of difference to how 3, 3 & 4 year olds behave

Don't let it put you off getting married. Some people want to get married, some people want to have a wedding... they aren't the same thing

IvanaNap · 14/07/2012 22:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

cheesesarnie · 14/07/2012 22:27

agree say no!
youve had to fork out so you should make the most of it with your dc.make it into a holiday!

let your siblings sort out the childacare, its not your problem!

cheesesarnie · 14/07/2012 22:27

sorry spelling is awful. red wine fingers

Angelico · 14/07/2012 22:42

It isn't fair that you are being landed with this and YANBU to say no - BUT have to say I feel sorry for your sister. It sounds like she's gone to a lot of effort and was hoping as you say to have a nice 'family break'. The real arsehole here is your brother.

Think the best way to soften the blow as others have said is to point out that the kids are very unlikely to remember a rehearsal from days before - better they arrive a little earlier in the morning and a relative shows them what to do. Or even the night before? We had a rehearsal the night before and our 4 year old niece / goddaughter got a chance to practise. As long as they see the route they will be fine :)

holyfishnets · 14/07/2012 23:45

Just be honest. Say that you won't cope with them without DH - as he would be around normally and they get so hyper together. Apologise lots but just say that it would be too much for you

Request that the girls and brother drive down the day before the wedding so that they can rehearse the day before wedding instead. It could just be a low key run through with the girls - separate to the official one 4 days before.

holyfishnets · 14/07/2012 23:46

In fact they will be fine if they have a run though that morning if the wedding. We did this with my little one. We arrived at the church before anyone else arrived

lovebunny · 14/07/2012 23:51

the children are three and four and she wants them away from their parents for a week so they can attend a wedding?
can you remember going to weddings as a child? i can. they mean nothing. nothing except wearing uncomfortable clothes and being bored for hours and hours. the children would be better off at home with their parents.
don't even consider taking them for a week. how ridiculous. tell your sister 'no', children are not like adults, they cannot just be taken away from their usual environment for a week and everything be fine.
say no!

maddening · 15/07/2012 00:13

they can pay for brother to come with his children

Jux · 15/07/2012 00:29

I was a bridesmaid at 3 yo. I remember that we all (there were about 8 of us I think) who had to walk behind the bride down the aisle and then someone came and reunited us with our parents. I can't remember whether we walked out behind bride and groom or not.

The whole thing was whispered to us just before we 'went on'. It's possible that my mum mentioned a few times what was expected of me, in the weeks leading up to it. It was fine. No need for a rehearsal for 8 kids under 7.

Anyway, they don't need to be there for the rehearsal, and so long as there's an adult around to put them in position at the right time then it should be fine. Unless your dsis is expecting them to do a little dance scattering rose leaves or something?

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